Whatever I do, I can't seem to quit.

[Perthguy17]

15 years, that is how long I have been exposed to porn. The most amount of time I have been without it at any given time is probably a week or so.
I hate to say it, but it seems to me that porn is part of who I am. It's something I need, like water or food. I choose porn over sex. I choose porn over friends and family. Porn is my escape but also my greatest regret.

My addiction got worse over the years, eventually to the point where I get almost exclusively aroused by trans. I watch vanilla porn occasionally. I enjoy it but it seems Ive seen it all before. Trans is not new but it's taboo, it's "not natural" but thats what gets the gears turning.

I'm also depressed. Me and my beautiful girlfriend want to try for a baby but it's difficult. I'm never in the mood to have sex and when I need to, I'm ashamed to say it but I take tablets to get me hard and stay hard through out the experience.

I wouldn't call myself a homosexual, I'm not interested in men at all, I don't know what to do. It feels like I'm always going to be this way.

 

[Reborn16]

Welcome, and thanks for sharing!

What you describe does sound like typical escalation. Trying different genres and losing interest in both vanilla porn and real world intimacy. Having trouble performing is an all too common symptom as well.

It may seem like porn is a need now, and that it may not change, but we're luckily able to rewire our brains and change the habits. I wish I could also say it's easy, or that what works for one works for all, but I can say it is possible!

Have you got some goals in mind for your recovery?

 

[bertieboy]

15 years, that is how long I have been exposed to porn. The most amount of time I have been without it at any given time is probably a week or so.
I hate to say it, but it seems to me that porn is part of who I am. It's something I need, like water or food. I choose porn over sex. I choose porn over friends and family. Porn is my escape but also my greatest regret.

My addiction got worse over the years, eventually to the point where I get almost exclusively aroused by trans. I watch vanilla porn occasionally. I enjoy it but it seems Ive seen it all before. Trans is not new but it's taboo, it's "not natural" but thats what gets the gears turning.

I'm also depressed. Me and my beautiful girlfriend want to try for a baby but it's difficult. I'm never in the mood to have sex and when I need to, I'm ashamed to say it but I take tablets to get me hard and stay hard through out the experience.

I wouldn't call myself a homosexual, I'm not interested in men at all, I don't know what to do. It feels like I'm always going to be this way.

From what you say it sounds like you have escalated and are now highly and seriously addicted to porn. I am seriously addicted. I started off like most guys with "normal" porn worked my way up through the ranks to old granny porn and I mean old not just mature women but things like granny gangbangs, young guys having sex with old grannies. I am certainly not attracted to old grannies, it disgusted me, I really did find it disgusting. I went on from there to live sex webcam and starting paying for shows. This went on for years and I kept emptying my bank account. All this caused a lot of damage in my life I was desperate. I tried many times to stop but failed. I was trying to go it alone but that I found is almost impossible, most of us need support especially if we are highly addicted. First of all you need a plan of action. Write down the positives and negatives of porn make two lists and number each point, then see how many you have in each list. It might sound obvious but write down why you watch porn, the obvious and not so obvious, think carefully and deeply about this. Write down why you want to stop watching porn the obvious and not so obvious. Write down what you are going to do instead of watching porn this is important for when the urges come and they will. Porn leaves a void in our lives and we need to fill it with something. Write down some strategies to avoid porn when the urges come, it will be too late to start looking for strategies once the urge has arrived. Try and imagine what life will be like without porn, write that down. Try and learn how to sit with an urge don't try to push it away, it will only fight back and probably win the battle, surf the urge, keep looking at it in the eye and don't give in. Download the free ebook if you sign up for newletters from the home page of NoFap. It explains about how porn changes the pathways in the brain and how we are kept addicted. I find this an invaluble tool because then we really know what we are dealing with and when an urge arises we can stand back and look at it objectively seeing how it is just the brain screaming out for a dopmaine burst which then twists our mind into saying things like, once more won't matter, I'll start tomorrow, I can't stand this, you have to stand firm against it. Post and reply to other guys posts, encouraging others helps us because we can't be in indulge mode and abstain mode at the same time. Try writing a journal on here and commit to making an entry every day even if it is just a few words. Try a reboot challenge. This all sounds like a lot to do but it really doesn't take that much time. You need to put in the ground work to start on recovery because as you know this addiction will never just go away. If you have a good solid base to work from you can kill the addiction once and for. It is hard work but I really believe working as a group instead of on our own we can break this awful addiction. Good luck with your journey and I hope some of these points and suggestions help.