I was on a streak of 70 days, and i was feeling bad, i thought watching one video wouldn't matter that much. That was 2 weeks ago, and now i am so down low, i have been watching porn every other day, i have watched today during school on the toilet, i have watched The worst stuff that is out there... My world is comepletely different then a few weeks ago when i was on a streak. I started to crave more social situations, and now i don't give a shit about it, when i see a girl, i just want to bang her, or watch porn, porn is on my mind every day. And the worst thing is, life feels easier now, i am just in a state of emptiness, combined with a huge disinterest in anything that's human or normal. But also i feel a lot of hate and anger, towards myself and towards others. Why do i tell myself i am not addicted, and that porn is good for me ? Today i was so down that i didn't care anymore what happened at work, i just had such a disinterest and hate in everything, that it became easier to just work. I didn't care that much if people saw me in this state, still i was ashamed, so i tried to hide it a bit. I want to love people, but i actually hate most of them, i can't say i am thankful anymore at the end and beginning of the day, because i am not thankfull of anything right now. People look dangerous to me, some i think are evil. How can people be so mean. If someone makes fun of me or criticizes me i feel unworthy and i hate the person at the same time. Sometimes i am suicidal, even when things seem to be great, excercising eating healthy, and that thought kicks in, i might better make an end to it, it's not worth it. I am not worth it. Sorry for being such a whiner, i just wanted to tell how i feel. I want to feel good and help others, but i can't even help myself.