what's happening with me

I hear you. It can be rough at times.
The main thing to know is that you have a choice.
Yes, your brain is firing off all sorts of patterns. (Have you read up on www.yourbrainonporn.com? If not, go there!)
And, you are not the patterns.
You can choose to do something else.

Are you willing to make a promise for the next two days that, when you feel the urge to PMO, you will get up and do something else?

 

You were on a great streak and got careless, you forgot you held the light. Fine. We have been there, now its time to go back on the quest.

70 days, 70 months, 70 years, doesnt matter, now you see we must be ever diligent, always ready and on our guard.

Remember you will get back some clarity in a few days if you can manage to beat the chasers and quit the binge.

Breathe with me. Deep breaths.

Say it with me out loud, everyday: I did not masturbate today and I'm sure as hell not going to fap tomorrow. I live life to the fullest, as the fullest. I am pure energy, master of my mind, body and emotions.

Solid Stance, Brother in Arms to Heirs of the Sun. Holding the light for 29 days.

 

Some days I feel like I could have wrote word for word what you posted. It won't always be like this. Find a reason to fight. Think about why you even wanted this in the 1st place. The world needs more people willing to fight for self control. Be one of them.

 

Today is that day, and tomorrow is too. Dont wait for a streak to make you confident, start now.

 

Thanks Solid. I'm confident right now and tomorrow

 

I just realized, in fact I cant believe I forgot, this is a great thing that has happened to you. This experience is another stripe on your jacket, another pendant. You know Generals dont just get medals for wars they have won? They get medals for wars fought.

Well this is another war, and your on the front lines yet again. You can say you have been through this shitstorm before, this time is no different, except now your even more knowledgable. Once you spply that knowledge, you will be gaining wisdom. Wisdom is the timely application of knowledge.

We look up to you for this. We see your struggle and we see you get back up again and again and again. What a leader.

Take this moment, this appearant tragedy, and turn it into victory. Put on your war paint because I need to see which side your on. Each battle has casualties, but for our struggle, we incarnate again, over and over until its done.

Im so excited to see what happens next.

 

You know what to do.
You know stuff was going better when you were off the porn.
Since you slipped, you stumbled. And now you're two weeks into a cycle of bad habits.
Good news? You know how to fix this. You know what to do.
The first thing you need to do is DECIDE to stop. Now.
Then Stop. Now. Not tomorrow – SolidStance is right. If you put it off until tomorrow, you will put it off again.

Things that might help:
Write down a list of benefits you had in your life towards the end of your 70-day streak, how you were feeling, any positive effects.
Put the last two weeks down to experience. A learning experience. Resolve not to go there again.
Do a day clean. One day. That's your first day of your new streak.
Set your goal at 70 days. You know it's possible because you've already done it. But you're going to do 71. Then 72. Then 90. Then whatever you fucking feel like because you've GOT THIS FUCKER.

Use NoFap as a catalyst to clean up your life. Trying to do too many things at once may be counter productive, so maybe leave the smoking for now (unless you're comfortable with quitting), but replacing bad habits with good is a good strategy.
Look after yourself, cut down on the caffeine, eat properly. Red empowering, positive stuff.

Start a journal on here. (Sorry if you've already got one and I've missed it)
Write down all your victories, and celebrate small goals. Write down your challenges. Work out strategies to deal with triggers.
What will you do next time you're feeling bad? You know now that one video does matter. Use that.

Start today. Start NOW.

 

I think this feeling you describe won't last. You feel better now because it is easier to go back to your old ways of doing things. It is always hard working on ourselves. And we become complacent, even comfortable in our misery. It sounds like that is what is happening here. You have decided, whether consciously or not, that you are more comfortable when you are not working on yourself. That you feel better when not on NoFap.

Like @JoePineapples said, you have to decide you want recovery. You did that before. And if you think back to how you felt right before starting NoFap for the first time, I bet you would come up with some pretty negative descriptive words. It's less about the actions and more about your attitude. You are not in the place right now to realize how miserable you are, because compared to the perceived difficulty of doing anything about it, it seems like a much better option.

Once you decide you want recovery, you will once again see your own misery and be motivated to do more about it. You can either choose to use this event with the scammer to get you closer to the point where you once again want recovery, or you can ignore it; the choice is completely yours.

As always, we are here for you, brother. Good luck, and let me know if you need anything.