Whats the hardest part of rebooting for you?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Golgo 13, Dec 24, 2015.

  1. Couldn't agree more. These are all insecurities that need to be dealt with. This is why I cannot accept that it is just PMO that is the root of the issues. Some of us will still have the same unhealthy insecurities even if we were 300 days PMO free. The root of the problem to everything is always the unhealed emotions that we are not taking time to work on and heal.

    Self reflection is so, so important. Retaining the semen is about allowing ourselves to be real with the emotions that come up while being on this journey. Allowing ourselves to go right into the sadness, loneliness and all of the other dark emotions that come up. The emotions that we find rising to the surface is what's ALWAYS been there... We've just been covering it up with PMO, using that as an escape to hide the real emotions that we face everyday.

    I'm not sure why people are so surprised when they say that different emotions come up for them when refraining from PMO. The emotions were always there. The emotions we've been denying and suppressing for years is the issue, not necessarily just the PMO habit itself. The PMO is just the effect, not the cause.
     
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  2. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Fapstronaut

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    Yes indeed!
    It is even reverse: PMO is a symptom (the surface), but the real roots are fears, depressions, "needy" emotions and other.

    Therefore, when you stop PMOing, these root issues come out and you can truly feel them. And then you can learn to address and handle them without PMO. That's in fact the real rebooting.
     
  3. Wonderful.
     
  4. To me, the flatline is the hardest. When I have urges but feel energetic, I usually know how to respond and how I keep myself from giving in. The hardest part is when you have no energy at all and feel like your actions don't matter. The tiniest bit of urge can push you over if you are not careful.
     
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  5. WarriorScarr

    WarriorScarr Fapstronaut

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    After a long streak im finding it extremely hard to get past one day. I worked out, did some studying and reading and it still is tough.
     
  6. Saoirse

    Saoirse Guest

    Forgiving myself for all that wasted time, and having allowed myself to become insipid and withdrawn instead of red-blooded and bold. Well, as the saying goes: The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago - the second best time is today.
     
  7. I think this is a side effect of the n-day-streak-mentality that is very prevalent on NoFap. If you are only on day 1, there is only 1 day "to lose". That could be the root of the problem. Maybe you have to rephrase the goal in some way to motivate yourself (for example not working towards goals alone, but towards general progress in life, where every step counts the same). It could also be that you are "not tired enough" of PMO after a long streak (definitely happened to me before). In this case, try to optimize your individual decisions, but the primary goal should be self-acceptance, the determination to abstain from PMO will likely get stronger again. Also don't have too rigid expectations of how things go, because this is a very common way not to make any progress. For example, after a relapse the expectation that another try to reboot will now be easier since I already put in some work sent me into a negative spiral.
     
  8. WarriorScarr

    WarriorScarr Fapstronaut

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    True. Im resetting the damn counter and moving on. I already know what set me off so now i just have to try and avoid that.
     
  9. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Fapstronaut

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    Would you mind to explain this? I don't understand how you mean this.

    It's because I experience it differently. Even when I relapse, I still feel the overall progress which I have done so far.

    I'm seriously working on myself for almost two years now. And I'm really far away now from where I started.
    For example, I'm finally rid of depressions and I'm far better organized. It's true progress.
     
  10. Golgo 13

    Golgo 13 Fapstronaut

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    I've found tht you have to learn to live with triggers, before i was simply ignoring/looking away from triggers. Eventually u will crack under pressure - this is probably responsible for atleast 3 relapses for me.

    Learn to LIVE with triggers, you cannot ignore them all, might aswell learn to live, not act, but LIVE with them, and accept them, conquer them.

    Just remember - no porn, no masturbation, no relapse. If you get triggered by a commercial fine, but as long as you dont ACT (PMO or excessively fantasies) you will be fine. I have come to realize this is probably the best/only way of beating PMO addiction.
     
  11. PatentPending

    PatentPending Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for all the posts guys! Really liked reading all of it, but I won't think about what to do after relapsing (because I won't ;-)

    For me, the first day was the most difficult, because I was to focused on NOT PMOing. It is the same with the famous: "Don't think about a pink elephant".

    Next to that, I currently feel like I start to objectify women more. But I don't know how that will evolve.

    Regards,
    Patent
     
  12. Most of my triggers aren't even sexual, but being sad / feeling low and having the habit of using PMO as coping strategy.
     
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  13. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Fapstronaut

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    Same for me. PMO is only a "short circuit solution" to escape from fears, from sadness and from making decisions.

    When I'm in a balanced state, then porn cannot trigger me. It is then like viewing a plain medical textbook.

    Therefore, the true reboot goes like this:

    1. Stop PMOing, stop all kind of distractions (junk tv, facebook, smoking, alcohol, hanging around in bars, ...)
    2. Find out what you really want in life, focus on pursuing these goals. No escape!
    3. You will now experience heavy emotions coming up! And also heavy body reactions! Possibly heart race, belly tightness, trembling, sweating, blood rush, sleeplessness, and so on.
    But it's good when you feel your emotions. Because that gives you the possibility to learn how to properly deal with these emotions. You learn to continue despite feeling the fears.

    BTW: At least sadness is something which I finally have defeated. So great! But I'm still struggling with fears, however.
     
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  14. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Fapstronaut

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    When I am truly balanced, then porn cannot trigger me. It is then like viewing a medical text book.

    That alone shows me that the PMO addiction is in fact fully based on underlying issues: Fears, doubts, sadness, lonelineness, uable to deal with stress, being overloaded and disorganized, and so on and so on ...
     
  15. frankied

    frankied Fapstronaut

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    For me the hardest part is that real life is fucking hard, and that all the feelings i have been running away from come to the surface, feelings of emptiness, lack of love, hatred and unwhortiness are the hardest, and the thought that i am not actually making any progress that triggers me back to watching porn and drifting away from real life.
     
  16. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Fapstronaut

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    I like your introspection and insight. That will help you.

    BTW: Life is not hard, only sometimes it feels hard.
     
  17. I think that I experienced the strongest body reactions yet today. I was not feeling like doing anything (not PMO, but neither any of my hobbies, workout or even meditating). I was lying in bed almost 15 hours. When I was awake, my frustration tolerance was lower than ever before, which feels weird because that's not my usual personality.
     
  18. Dax Xenos

    Dax Xenos Fapstronaut

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    The hardest part for me is realizing how alone I am. Porn numbed the loneliness. I'm now trying to engage life more, and it is scary. However I find that I like myself more. I may not be the perfect version of myself,but I'm starting to like they person I am.
     
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  19. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Fapstronaut

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    I like this very much. You are on the right way.
     
  20. AdityaKhuntia

    AdityaKhuntia Fapstronaut

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    The hardest part of rebooting is that you again have to Wait and Wait and Wait till you reach back the stage when you relapsed or to the stage you need to achieve your goal. Relapsing even after a week or two is dreadfully frustrating because you then have to wait another the same time to continue to your goals making it double the time.
     
    Golgo 13 likes this.

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