Couple of things, but mostly the realization that I can never engage in pmo ever again. Don't get me wrong, pmo can hit the curb, but when you've trained yourself for close to 10 years to seek out p for sexual pleasure, as well as had many sexual fantasies for your own pleasure, it's hard to just say no and cut it off. Hence my relapses. BUT, now I know that that's the wrong choice to make in life and I am looking to correct that. What's motivating is just after 7 days of no pmo I've noticed small changes and benefits, so the thoughts of how I'll feel after 90 days and beyond is what's pushing me to not give up hope. Secondly, finally facing reality. For all these years I have made myself a loner, no one else did this to me, it was all my choice. So now I have pull myself out of this hole I dug for myself and begin living. I actually look forward to this part, but the initial thought of it is beyond scary. I know from my past experiences though that once I start feeling success the rest will follow. Cutting out the pmo is vital for this, as I always told myself during social interactions when people ask me what I like to do that I have to make stuff up or half ass it, because you can't be like, "I search for porn videos and pictures on the internet and beat it off everyday, how about you?". Having those thoughts and mindset is helping me a lot during this journey, I just have to be tough and ride this out.