Separate names with a comma.
Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Golgo 13, Dec 24, 2015.
Everyone has the answer. But no one can figure it out.
As I just recently relapsed after a decent streak, I've been thinking a bit lately on the nature of relapses within the process of re-booting. And whether you'd be vulnerable to the dreaded relapse once you'd attained the 're-booted' state. I wrote this earlier on another thread, which I think may also pertain to this topic:
The hardest part of re-booting is relapsing. And I hope the relapses that come, should there be another, will be even harder... and even more miserable. And then this would add even more motivation, to that which I already have. This would make the continuing reboot easier.... to the point where you daren't lapse.*
Why more miserable. There is a process here: I attain to a higher level of 'clarity', then I lapse, and the qualitative difference of that lapse compared to previous ones is of quite a different degree.... I experience even more misery relative to the previous lapse... the 'differing degree' of the lapse [a qualitative as opposed to quantitative difference] has increased. I am still looking for the vocabulary with which to describe this psychological phenomena. ha ha
* Why? I think as you develop new 'sensitivities' you feel an increased magnitude of misery [the horror]. With this newfound existential knowledge [directly intuited awareness of subjective, or psychological, experience], when you lapse you experience that lapse even more awfully; you are even more afflicted and chastised by that natural moral law which you have come to recognize, and increasingly become attuned to [becoming behaviour is... Becoming]. I think of Kantian psychology here when I say this moral law is the very ground, or condition, of experiencing ourselves as morally free agents with the power of choice. The paradox of freedom - it is something we are compelled to believe.
Yes, the answer is potentially there, in so far as you can actualize it in your own experience. Which also means that no one can figure it out, or calculate the answer objectively through a purely rational approach.
So far I have been just trying to avoid the feeling as it would not be real. I've been telling myself that there is no sacrifice. That it's a lie my ego is telling me. But maybe there is. Maybe it's not a lie. Maybe I just need to embrace it instead of resisting it. I see it in the nature; for some things to live other things need to die. Maybe it's time for some of me to die for something else to rise up...
Fellas, its official. Im never going to masturbate again. Ill have sex with real girls instead.
Im going to take a bath, and wash the old me off forever and come out a new man.