What's the point in having a girlfriend?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by DaveyCrockett, Dec 27, 2018.

  1. DaveyCrockett

    DaveyCrockett Fapstronaut

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    I am currently 20 years old living in the USA. I moved to a new state one year ago with my parents, and I still don't have any friends.

    Yet since around February/March of this year, I have decided to take on NoFap, which of course means no PMO* (the "O" part is what I'm concerned about).

    I have gotten quite serious about NoFap lately, as I have now found a reason to quit the PMO addiction forever.

    Yet since I've been on NoFap, I have been contemplating what reasons there are to being in a boyfriend + girlfriend type of relationship with a woman (in the future, I mean).

    Many people close to me tell me that I am attractive, so I have confidence in my appearance and am not very worried about my looks (I have also been working out for about five years).

    However, I simply don't have the desire to make friends or get into a relationship. My parents are concerned about me, my mother especially is telling me that "it's time" for me to go out and find a young woman to be my "girlfriend". My parents tell me I can get "any girl I want" and I mostly believe that, yet I still don't want a girlfriend.

    In the past, I have had only a few friends, most of them very good males around my age (from school). Currently I have two friends, both of them live out-of-state. I've never been in a relationship with a girl in the past, the most I have ever gotten was a few hugs from one girl who fancied me back in high school.

    What is the point of having a girlfriend when I am on NoFap? I don't intend to release my vital energy ever again (not kidding about), I even get very upset at myself when I wake up to find that I had a wet dream.

    I also don't intend to get married or reproduce anymore, for similar reasons. To me, though, having a girlfriend means finding a potential wife.

    There are many other reasons based on things that have happened to me in the past regarding why I don't want a girlfriend, yet here is my question:

    What is the point of having a girlfriend? Am I missing out on something? Is there anything to be gained? I am a bit worried that there is something that I am missing out on by not having a girlfriend, yet I don't feel like i want to be in a boyfriend + girlfriend relationship. From how I see it, it seems like boyfriend + girlfriend relationships are time-consuming, problematic and the only reason most people seem to do it is for an easy go-to for sex (I've listened to Tom Leykis' "Leykis 101" once or twice).

    Apologies if I wrote too much.

    Thanks, - D.C.
     
  2. To be honest ,sometimes I'm like "man it would be nice to have a girl" but I just can live without any. I'm 24 and not really active when it comes to girls ; not at all.
    My mother thinks the same too ,but I dont find it to be such a big need.
    People tell me I'm looking good too and some wonder how come I have no girlfriend at all.. ( I consider myself looking decent, nothing too amazing ).

    I'm afraid that I'm missing out at times but then again, I return to my normal state where I dont really care. Apparently I can live alone without P M or O. I might be a bit broken :).
     
  3. DaveyCrockett

    DaveyCrockett Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for the reply, QuietFree.

    Maybe I am worrying too much about having a boyfriend + girlfriend relationship or not. Maybe there's nothing notablenota fellas like us to worry about missing out on in that area.
     
  4. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

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    There is no reason to feel broken, weird or like a misfit because you haven't committed to a serious relationship yet. People who think so and ask you those shallow questions are often co-dependent, haven't worked on themselves (internally) and are far from aware that a longterm successful relationship requires you to not be in need of anything from the other person.
    Anyone who enters a relationship with a mindset of neediness where the purpose or goal is to have that other person filling in a void or gap in their life will be hit very hard by reality when that relationship comes to an end.
    You are not missing out anything on a relationship if that woman of interest brings negative and toxic energy into that relationship and you have no possibility of going your own way at any time without her dictating the path. Then, you are better on your own while continuing to develop yourself instead.
     
  5. Yeah, gfs are overrated.
    I wish I had 0 urges, although fighting through this increases steadily one's toughness.
    Don't listen to others who try to push you.
     
    DaveyCrockett likes this.
  6. Yes probably! I kinda think the same that none should be looking desperately for a relationship because it wont be a nice one and it will be devastating when it ends. I have this mentality in which I believe that when stuff happens it just happens ,without much self intervention.
     
    Captain! likes this.
  7. u376

    u376 Fapstronaut

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    I can reply to this in detail also.....sharing my own experience
    But please do read this.....you can understand what you are going through this
    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/i-am-in-this-dilemma.181915/
     
    DaveyCrockett likes this.
  8. u376

    u376 Fapstronaut

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    If you have potential to attract opposite sex
    Then I think you should use it
    First be thankfull that you are attractive....
    It's not like missing out ..... because I agree there are many things in life ....
    But you should not burden the stress of not dating anyone
    A year back I was also thinking like you
    That's why I am saying this
     
  9. u376

    u376 Fapstronaut

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    Very good
    I think you are absolutely right
    We should first be Happy with ourselves
    Then finding someone is better
    Problem arises when we expect too much from others
     
  10. So did anything changed ever since ?
     
  11. u376

    u376 Fapstronaut

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    Well.....to be honest I am still battling social anxiety
    So approaching someone is still a huge task for me
    On a good note......I am going to start monk mode of 90 days from tomorrow
    And you are definitely good looking.....now you should use this potential
    Best of luck
     
  12. Ah ,the social anxiety. Such a killer nowadays... Not a huge issue for me but I can definitely make it better.
    Good luck man! Get rid of it ! Get rid of both PMO and SA.
     
    Peace467 and u376 like this.
  13. u376

    u376 Fapstronaut

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    Yes......this time I am very much determined
    I have literally wasted 7-8 years of my life
     
  14. phwrancesco

    phwrancesco Fapstronaut

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    Having a GF is great because you can use you "vital energy" in the best way possible.

    When you have a GF you can stop worrying about finding a sex partner (witch is one of human's biggest needs) and start developing your social and work life.

    In a few words: a GF gives you stability.
     
  15. NothingMoreNothingLess

    NothingMoreNothingLess Fapstronaut

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    I don't have one currently. I have tried to start a relationship with one during my early days of my journey (Days 30-90) but it ended quickly when I moved to a different location on day 90. Also tried with one during days 120-180 but she chose another guy over me, which sucked to be honest. Right now I'm on day 665. I'm 20 and I'm fine without one but sometimes (maybe once in 2 months) I just lay down in my queen sized bed and have a second pillow and just wonder how lonely I am without a girl. Not depressing thoughts, but sort of like Grinch style with my 4 legged friend where I still function properly and am happy without anyone but sometimes just have thoughts about the loneliness. I am always occupied with my work outs, dog, family, as well as my hobbies. My friend just broke up with his girl friend recently and he told me "Man, you got a good life. Having a girl friend is just so much damn work!" I definitely agree since women require a lot of work and money, but the rewards with one are awesome. I remember when I had a not so serious relationship with a girl my stomach would just turn warm and fuzzy. It's just an unexplainable feeling, I felt so mushy inside.
     
  16. u376

    u376 Fapstronaut

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    But nofap helps us to get gf
    You are on 665th day
    Did you became more attractive to girls or not?
     
  17. NothingMoreNothingLess

    NothingMoreNothingLess Fapstronaut

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    I'd say yes it has. A lot of them come up to me and want to talk. But, I usually start the conversations now since I got more confidence and give no f*cks to talk. Got nothing to lose. I got good at flirting by just thinking of life as a game and that there will be ups and downs, also I make some girls blush just by practicing charisma. Some have even stuttered too when we converse with one another. However, I'm not arrogant or anything but a lot of the girls I see in my college or at work are not attractive but have good personality, or attractive with bad personality. I do not owe them anything. I'd rather take my time looking for someone I'd want to spend time with and looked pleasant so I'd be happy to wake up each day and start a new day with them. That's a mindset that popped up during days 300-330 if I recall.
     
  18. u376

    u376 Fapstronaut

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    Ok. ... This is motivating
    Thanks
     
  19. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

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    I have taken a very similar approach to that matter as well and the thing I have noticed (as the confidence and charisma increases by the day) is that my sense of neediness and approval have gone down dramatically to become non-existent these days. I am quite happy on my own as it is right now and definitely don't feel any particular need for a girlfriend. That absence of neediness gives us men a tremendous power and much wider selection of women as opposed to the opposite (i.e. neediness).
    In order to end up in a stable and lasting relationship, neither part should not expect, want or need anything from the other person so that he/she can fill up a void in your life. I think that's one reason for why so many people are in poor relationships these days and probably the most contributing reason for why they fail one day.
     
  20. Girlfreind only slows you down, reach your purpose. Later maybe but in such a young age is having gf contraproductive.

     
    goodnice 2.0 likes this.

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