What's the point in having a girlfriend?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by DaveyCrockett, Dec 27, 2018.

  1. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    Please show me where i demonized woman or guys who don't want ot have a GF.

    I don't advocate not wanting a GF. But i am asking questions on WHY people don't want a gf. Often times, there is are issues that people didnt resolve yet. I haven't seen anyone of my friends who is really happy with who they are as a person and have 0 interest in either girls or guys(whatever they are interested in).
    Most people just walk around without solving their own issues.
    Because of how difficult that can actually be.
     
  2. Brokenman123

    Brokenman123 Fapstronaut

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    I apologize... maybe you didn't demonize them but you keep implying that there's something wrong with being single or wanting to be single.
     
  3. I don't think you should get a girlfriend when you're rebooting. You will learn things from having a girlfriend, some of them will be positive and some will be negative. I learn a number of things from my ex like the importance of healthy eating and chewing food well. I also learnt how damaged a woman can be if her father dies when she was a young child. Having a girlfriend could make you grow if you allow it to. I would say though you should only have a girlfriend if you want to, it would be a bad idea to get one because your Mum wants you to have one. One reason relationships come to an end is because people get into relationships because family and friends pressurised them to get into a relationship. Maybe next time your parents put pressure on you maybe you could show this article where the writer researched marriages that have been successful and unsuccessful and one reason he lists for people getting a divorce is pressure from family and friends to getting in a relationship.
     
  4. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    Ok. You are right about that. I personally have a hard time believing that a healthy man who is able to attract girls wouldn't want to do that. That includes regular girlfriends as well as short term affairs, if both are aware of that and are happy with it. I also don't know anyone who is like that personally, who can attract pretty girls and actively chooses not to want them in his life. Everybody who is able to attract them, either has a girlfriend or has girls in his "proximity" he can sleep with if he chooses to do so.
    But i am very happy to get to know a guy like that. Who is able to attract beautiful girls, enjoys sex and intimacy and purposefully decides he doesn't want it.
    I would actually be very interested in someone like that, just to understand it.

    Any form of "forced relationship" is more likely to be way more difficult(and i am being nice here) then the ones where two partners find together because they find each other attractive, share similar inierests and are intelectually on a similar level as well.
     
  5. Brokenman123

    Brokenman123 Fapstronaut

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    I don't know why anyone sees anything with being single either... I think this type of mindset can be toxic since it implicitly promotes codependency on women for a guy to be happy which is untrue. Maybe if we trained young guys to be happy being single maybe incels wouldn't exist. Guys should look for happiness inside of themselves first and not wait for someone else to make them happy.
     
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2019
    Christian Fox and ReclaimedLife like this.
  6. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    Exactly. I learned that the hard way and i am still learning it. I actually like learning how to become better at relationships and dealing with woman properly, because i will inevitably increase my own quality of life later as well. I looks like i am doing this for woman, but in the end its a selfish act. And its supposed to be a selfish act, because otherwise, i would still depend on the woman to make me happy.
    I think the most powerful word someone who isn't used to dealing with pretty girls, learning to say the word "No". I am really happy that we people are able to change so drastically, and pave our ways to a better future by ourselves.
    If i am grateful for anything on this planet, it would be that.
    Being able to shape our future to the better based on our behaviour, the habits we implement in our lives as well the things we learn from the past.

    Letting go and not getting attached too easily can be hard for someone who doesn't have a lot of options and isnt that experienced with woman.
    But it can and has to be done, no matter how much it hurts.
     
  7. overclocked

    overclocked Fapstronaut

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    That's a brave question to ask. Many would call you a misogynist. But I personally do not think that getting a gf is necessary or even recommended.
    It's just how it's been for the last decades. Get someone to know, fall in love, date, marry, start a family. Obviously this is not really working out that well, the elderly don't understand this about young people.
    There has been rapid progress in thechnology, and with that culture changed as well. That has made having a gf less attractive, sorry ladies :p

    There is nothing wrong with being an introvert and alone. Many people will in fact be jealous of you. Those who rely on other people will more often than not get thwarted in their efforts at some point. Haters gonna hate. And having a gf is a choice that can dramatically change your life for better or worse, I know many guys who were slowed down and ruined.
    I had a friend who didn't sign contract for driving in the world rallye champoinship, just so that he can marry his girlfriend. What a loss, in my most humble opinion :confused:

    Not going to discuss the pros and cons of having a gf, but do take into account that a gf can be helpful on your nofap journey. I hit a plateau in my reboot and sex is the only thing that lets me make progress, and a gf is a nice way to have sex. There are other possibile ways with different pros and cons, not sure if we should talk about them here :rolleyes:
     
  8. giorom

    giorom Fapstronaut

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    Dear
    Angus McGyver

    you told you don't that a longterm successful relationship requires you to not be in need of anything from the other person.

    Why is the reason to stay with a girl if the girl don't give you anything.

    Sex with girl is not importart for you in the relationship?

    Do you like a relationship without sex?

    Please let me know.
     
  9. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    Thats NOT what he said. He said that he wanted to wait for the RIGHT woman and WANTS to have a relationship with her and have a real connection with that woman.
    He wants to have sex with someone like that, and doesn't want to have meaningless sex with people he doesnt have a connection with.
    At the moment he is just focussing on developing himself and not focussed on sex in general.
    He knows that will come later with the right woman in a relationship. And it is probably going to be more beautiful.

    I can already tell you that he is right. That kind of sex feels MUCH different and is much more beautiful then with someone you don't have a connection with.
     
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  10. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

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    Hello my friend! Although @ReclaimedLife already have pointed out my reasoning in the post above I would just like to add that you have deeply misunderstood my earlier post. What I tried to reason was the following:

    If you enter a relationship with the mindset that your particular woman is going to fill in some kind of void/gap in your life that you currently have or feel, that relationship is doomed from the start. The same goes in the other direction of course. As a matter of fact, most romantic relationships work exactly this way and hence the main reason for why they later fail.
    In order to be in a happy, fulfilling and bonding relationship, you should be able to be happy and satisfied on your own first (without any sex, drugs, alcohol, junk-food and other kind of distractions) which requires lots of hard work regarding personal development.
    If your spiritual life rocks, any girl/woman who you take into your life will be the icing of the cake and not the cake itself. If you have this mindset, the chance of her not giving anything back to you will be slim as you will stand out from the big crowd of men out there, therefore she is willing to give a lot in order to be yours.

    I can tell you right away that if sex is one of your highest priorities in a relationships, it is also doomed to fail. One of the main objectives with self-development is to not crave these things but to feel happy and fulfilled without needing them. I want to build a strong bond and connection first because if you don't, you will just crave the sex and the relationship will go sour after some time.
    I do eventually want to have it in future relationships but I won't be the number one priority.
     
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  11. goodnice 2.0

    goodnice 2.0 Fapstronaut

    this:)
     
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