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What's the point of relationships?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by JegErFransk, Jun 7, 2015.

  1. JegErFransk

    JegErFransk Fapstronaut

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    I guess the title says it all: What's the point of relationships? Why would one start/have a relationship?

    Let me explain why I'm asking this question:
    For some reason, I've been rejecting all the girls I met for the last 10 months.... and before that I broke quite a lot of hearts. I never managed stay in a relationship with a girl for more than 3 months (I was each time the one putting an end to the relationships).
    Apparently my problem is that I don't see the point of relationships... I like to be free, to do whatever I want whenever I want. I've been relocating in two different countries in the last 2 years, I've been working crazy hours and accomplishing a lot which wouldn't have been possible why a girlfriend.
    I see relationships more like a burden than something I could enjoy.

    Notice that the problem isn't that I'm gay (which would actually be the solution, not the problem)

    I'm asking really seriously: Why would one commit to a relationship?
     
  2. Philip1990

    Philip1990 Fapstronaut

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    because two people love each other.
     
  3. JegErFransk

    JegErFransk Fapstronaut

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    Well, that's an obvious but good answer... Thank you!

    Why is it that I never experienced that feeling? I happen to meet quite a lot of amazing girls but never want to start a relationship with them...
    I find it strange that I never fell in love
     
  4. Limeaid

    Limeaid Guest

    Gay people have relationships so that wouldn't solve your problem!

    People want to be in relationships because they want to share their life with someone they love. You sound extremely selfish so it wouldn't work for you (nothing wrong with that, just pointing it out). You see people as burdens, not as someone that can enhance an experience or bring you a new perspective. I see a relationship as spending maximum time with my best friend with the added bonus of sex.
     
    BlueNotes and Deleted Account like this.
  5. JegErFransk

    JegErFransk Fapstronaut

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    I was mentioning the fact of being gay as a solution because that would explain why I don't want to start a relationship with girls. Of course they also have relationships! haha

    I have a lot of friends that I really love but there's no way I want to be in a relationship with them... You're saying yourself that you are in a relationship with your 'best friend', and that's exactly what I don't understand: Why would you be in a relationship and not in a friendship? I really enjoy my friendships and I don't feel like needing more. I can relate to everything you said about people 'enhancing an experience' or 'bringing new perspectives' when talking about my friends. If sex is the only thing driving the relationships, then I definitely don't want a relationship, friendship is all I need.

    You may have pointed out something though... It's actually the first time sombody call me selfish and that led me to think quite a lot. I don't consider being selfish the way you defined but it is true that I don't want to have somebody hanging out around me all the time because it affects my freedom. I take the best of my friendships when I want, not 24/7 (because what used to be great turns into a burden).
     
  6. Cyrus the Virus

    Cyrus the Virus Fapstronaut

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    Some people are just not meant to be in relationships. A lot of guys prefer to live life as a bachelor and find happiness and fulfillment. Also, some guys are just not ready to be in a relationship until they reach a certain age. For me, I was never interested in having a serious relationship in my teens and early twenties, I just wanted to do my own thing. But over the past few months my thoughts on the matter are beginning to change and I would now like to be in a relationship.
     
  7. *****

    ***** Fapstronaut

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    I feel exactly like you.
    They are pointless to me.
     
  8. Limeaid

    Limeaid Guest

    For me a friendship is not really love. I have lots of friends that I 'love' but not the same way I have loved my boyfriends or my husband. It is completely different. When you love someone it is also a physical attraction and you want to enjoy the expression of love by having sex. It's not just sex, it's 'making love'. Maybe you just have not experienced that love feeling of wanting to be around someone a lot. For example I can hang with my husband 24/7 and never get sick of him. Other people drive me batty after a few hours ;). You may experience that with someone or you may not. Nothing wrong with being the way you are so don't feel bad because it works for you and you sound happy!

    I have a question though. Why do you pretend to be someone you are not in relationships? Why don't you be upfront about needing freedom and then find someone who is similar to you to share your life with? Or does the idea of sharing your life just turn you off completely?
     
  9. *****

    ***** Fapstronaut

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    For me , this idea turns me off completely. I don't want to be responsible of or dependent on anyone except myself.
     
  10. Limeaid

    Limeaid Guest

    I am not responsible for him and I am not dependant on him! We choose to be together. That is what love is :)
     
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  11. *****

    ***** Fapstronaut

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    I may be wrong but at least for the foreseeable future I can't see myself in a relationship , maybe I don't want to care about anyone else. It sounds selfish I know but that's how I feel.
     
  12. LiftHeavy

    LiftHeavy Fapstronaut

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    Or maybe you just feel the urge to have lots of fun before going into a relationship? We're still young, think about that later in life braaaah
     
  13. Relationships are communities of purpose. And i dont think, that love is the most important aspect for a good Relationship. (I am Muslim, we have a strange view of these things and life in generally, its different than in other worldviews and religions) I think you get a lot of different answers, because everyone has another view on it.
     
  14. Limeaid

    Limeaid Guest

    Nothing wrong with that! Better than being with someone and not liking it!
     
    himmelstoss and ***** like this.
  15. Congrelous

    Congrelous Fapstronaut

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  16. JegErFransk

    JegErFransk Fapstronaut

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    Thanks to your answers, I had enough material to think about my situation for some days.

    First of all, I appreciate noticing that I'm not the only one to be in that situation.

    *****, you seem to appreciate the fact of being alone (or at least you seem to be sure that's the best for you), whereas it is killing me that all my friends are enjoying great relationships while I don't even understand what's the point of relationships. You may consider that I am jealous, and that might be the truth: I'm curious and I feel like missing something amazing that I can't reach even though I had several girlfriends.

    Cyrus pointed out something interesting: When did you first started to be interested in having a relationship? Is there a connexion with you starting NoFap? I find it strange to be the only not being 'ready'... All my friends seem to enjoy long lasting relationships. And thinking about it, I never liked one-night-stands... Where you enjoying them? I'm really rarely intimate with a girl (no girlfriend, no one-night-stand)

    Limeaid, you've been also really helpful in this conversation. I actually spent a lot of time thinking about your questions: "Why do you pretend to be someone you are not in relationships? Why don't you be upfront about needing freedom and then find someone who is similar to you to share your life with? Or does the idea of sharing your life just turn you off completely?"
    I actually find it amazing that you correctly guessed that I pretend to be someone else when in relationships and that may be the source of my problems... (I'm far from being turned off, but I don't understand relationships... whereas I'd like to!) Most of the girls I meet won't accept me as I am and I know it: How would you feel if your husband tells you that he may relocate in another country tomorrow or next week? How would you feel if he tells you that he may quit his job and suddently travel the world with a backpack? I'm supposed to be the guy having a well ordered life: I'm working in finance, I have a nice flat, a prestigious position in a big company and so on. But I'm the guy that wants to quit everything. I just don't have the guts to do so because what is considered reasonable is to have a good job and a lot of money... How should I behave with girls? What should I tell them? I have no idea, so I'm telling them what they want to hear: I'm staying and I keep going with what is supposed to be a successful life/career. Is there a chance that I meet a girl ready to accept that much freedom (and that doesn't call me crazy)? I don't think so...
     
  17. Cyrus the Virus

    Cyrus the Virus Fapstronaut

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    By "ready" I simply mean the point when I began "to want" to be in a mature relationship. There is no standard age when one decides they want a relationship, it happens at all different times of life. I have never had the desire to be in a casual relationship thus I have never had a one-night-stand. I have actually never had sex, I would really prefer to only sleep with a woman who I am in a meaningful relationship with. Of course things in life are rarely simple, at the same time I have strong sexual desires that make me want immediate satisfaction, which lead to PMOing. And if things just so happened where a one-night-stand presented itself I would likely jump right in, but I know that I would really regret it the morning after.
    There is a connection between starting NoFap and my new desire to be a romantic relationship. It became extremely apparent to me that PMO is a relationship's worst nightmare!
     

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