What's to say that hasn't already been said?

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by NatNat, Sep 6, 2017.

  1. NatNat

    NatNat New Fapstronaut

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    Sup guys,

    Just a few minutes ago I was all jazzed about doing this for real, but now as I sit here writing this, the enthusiasm dies.

    22 years I've lived on this plant. I've spent a solid 10 of those years at the mercy of sexual & relational desires. Now, this stuff hasn't ruined my life. I don't have any perceivable issues with intimacy, my life isn't consumed with PMO, and I haven't lost any friendships or relationships over it. Heck, I haven't even had an embarrassing interaction or situation. So, why am I here?

    I've grown up in a delightful, caring, loving, Christian household. I have had the ideal life, there is nothing I could have needed or wanted more of. My dad is an incredible man who has loved me, taught me to stand-up for myself, shown me what a real man is like, and loved my mother passionately. My mother is a fierce woman who knows herself, and taught me likewise. I have, and still, believe in the one true God of the Bible and his son Jesus Christ. I understand this is a secular site, but heck, Jesus is an important piece to my story.

    When I was 12 or so, I started dabbling in online junk. "What's 'junk' mean?" I'm sure you're asking. Well it meant a lot--porn, chat rooms, catfishing, you name it pretty much--as long as i could hide behind the anonymity of the web and I didn't have to take pictures, I did it. I pretended to be people I wasn't, pretended to have a life--and problems--that I didn't, and it was so heavy. I felt so dirty. I actually feel dirty just writing about this now, despite the fact that its been a decade.

    Thankfully, I moved away from that. It was hard-- a lot of my self-worth rested in those online chat rooms and fake social media accounts. It took a long time for those feelings and memories to fade into the grey of my mind, but sometimes they still rear their ugly heads.

    After I did away with all the vigorously self-destructive activities, my struggle really just was with porn, masturbation, and the frequency of those activities. As a Christian, a responsibility of mine was to be like Christ. A big piece of that is sexual purity. My habits slowly got better, I'd have relapses of course, but I never sunk into those really ugly habits again. Well, maybe not quite.

    In my college years I met a great guy. A guy that I love to pieces. Actually, we'll be celebrating our one year anniversary at the end of this month. He's a good Christian lad who has the same values as me, and in a lot of areas his weaknesses and strengths balance out mine. Unfortunately, one big area where our weaknesses overlap is sex. Now, you may not see sex outside of marriage as a bad thing, I do. Let's not quibble over it.

    When I met him I was a virgin. Not out of circumstance, but out of choice. I'm not prude, and man do I enjoy my sexy time with him. This, I suppose, is what brings me here. Besides trying to kick a porn habit that has dogged me for the past 10 years, I'd like to give my sweet lover boy something pure which I screw up in the first place. I know that I can't take back my virginity, but I also know that I've been forgiven for it. I know I don't have to (and I can't) "pay" Jesus back for what I did/do wrong, but I guess I came here because I want to try to give both Jesus and my lover boy a gift.

    Last time I tried, I got 11 days in. That streak was broken just an hour ago. To give this gift, I'm going to need a lot more than just myself. Thus I am here to ask y'all to help me build this gift.

    I'm gunning for 90 days but that's only the beginning. I want to abstain from PMO until the day I marry that sweet boy of mine.

    Cheers folks. May our endeavors be pleasing to God.
     
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2017
    KZX likes this.
  2. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and sometimes challenge you but not judge you.

    The enemy is here to steal, kill and destroy. What are your current strategies for combating the enemy called PMO?
     
  3. You can do anything that you desire to. Just watch out for triggers like loneliness boredom and when you're tired
     
  4. Sojourner7777

    Sojourner7777 Fapstronaut

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    Welcome Natnat. Even though you felt underwhelmed writing your first post here, it is nevertheless a big step. It's a form of bringing this area of your life into the light.

    As a fellow believer, I've found being part of this community really helpful. Keeping a simple 'journal' here helps grow your self awareness, so that you can learn what triggers you, etc. It's also key to find an accountability partner, who can check in with you. Lastly, taking time to encourage others in their journey has actually really helped me too...you start to see the true, ugly cost of this kind of behavior, which helps you change.

    Godspeed,
    Sojourner
     

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