When a Man Meets a Woman

When men and women (or men and men/women/women) get together there is an initial attraction, a period of tension and then a breaking of that tension by enactment.
This process is completely different with PMO. There may not even be an initial attraction - for often I would go on the internet "just looking" and never really focus on one women for the entire session. There is certainly not mutual attraction, unless it's mutual cam sex, and there is no build up of tension to the point of enactment, just release.
What we are doing is having a different kind of sex from couple sex, let's call it self sex. Self sex is easy because it doesn't require the trickiness of putting yourself out there or being "successful" in acquiring a mate. It is not time bound. But it i selfish, obviously.
My wife doesn't think about sex. She doesn't think about how to manipulate ordinary situations into sexual ones like I do. She attributes it to gender differences. I'm not sure. I don't tend to chat to other women about their fantasies!
However, for me, it is my "go to", my default, at times of stress and boredom. I know I use it to de-stress, but i also use it because it generates positive feelings more than sports, watching television or reading. It is a most exciting pastime.
This causes conflict and it causes ill-health. There is a terrible imbalance between what I want to do and what my wife wants to do and I am trying to address that and it causes mental ill-health in me because, well because that's what porn does.
What I and maybe others need to do is understand the way self-love works and how anti-relationship it is, in order to get back to our relationships,