When do you think I'll be ready to make love to my wife

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Palbenja, Jun 30, 2020.

  1. Palbenja

    Palbenja Fapstronaut

    Just curious. I've spent the last 7 months using and abusing cuckold forums. I would like to know when I should expect to be ready to satisfy my wife again. More or less, when will my Normal brain return
  2. Doomsday

    Doomsday Fapstronaut

    From my discussions I don’t think there is a set time, keep off the sites and concentrate on your relationship your brain needs to want what you have not what others get.
    OldAndOverIt likes this.
  3. Les_Brown

    Les_Brown Fapstronaut

    You'll be ready when you both feel ready.

    There are so many ways to foster intimacy, love, and connection outside the bedroom that your romantic relationship with your wife does not have to simply pause, even in the absence of intercourse. What kinds of things make her feel fulfilled and connected to you, and vice versa? Perhaps, start there.

    There are individuals whose brains recover after several months ... it takes years for others. Embrace the journey, but it is not an excuse to forgo marital connection, even if both partners mutually agree to practice abstinence.
  4. When you can let all of the worries go.
    Bobske and Palbenja like this.
  5. Palbenja

    Palbenja Fapstronaut

    I like that answer
  6. Bobske

    Bobske Fapstronaut

    As most people do here, you give very little information for the formulating of a good answer.
    How long have you been doing PMO? Just these 7 months?
    Why can't you satisfy your wife now?
    How and when does she want to be satisfied?
    What do you think is your normal brain?
    What does your wife know and how does she feel about it?

    My story
    I'm 46, have been with my SO for 16 years. Have PMO-d since I was 15.
    Always been able to satisfy my partner with O in may ways but sex has become less and less.
    I started thinking bad things about my wife and relationship because of my PMO/dopamine addiction over a year ago.
    Still working on it, 90 days no PMO, hard mode now.
    Relationship is getting better, sex is still once a month.

    My brain, certainly not "normal" yet. Normal for me is not thinking about sex every day of being horny lots of times.
    I've read here that it sometimes takes 2 years for people to get to a "normal" libido and men sometimes frightingly discover that theirs is lower than their wifes.

    Good luck, hope this helps. Please share if it helps and do not forget to share with your wife.
    Wugazi32, Lilla_My and +TenPercent like this.
  7. PaulPaul

    PaulPaul Fapstronaut

    So many variables .. my case:
    - 2 weeks panic started to fade
    - 2 months urge started to fade
    - 1 year free from old p obsessions
    - 1.5 years finally some emotional closure from past mistakes
    - 2 years picking my life up, getting my priorities right, energy to get things done.
    - I expect more improvements over the next years.

    In my experience, it’s not simply ‘over’. It‘s many stages before you are your true authentic self again. Every stage you get a new perspective. Detox takes a long time but after the first 2 month or so, every day is better.

    // EDIT: to answer your first question, I highly recommend the 3-month no-sex period. It was not until I finally did this that I started to get some perspective on myself and my relationship.
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2020
  8. I'm sure there is no simple answer, no strategy working for all guys out there. I highly recommend having sex with your partner when you both are in the right mood. In my experience it worked well to replace PMO with the real thing. Along the way I had only mild cravings. Although I'm a passionate runner, yogi and a fan of hard workouts and regularly fasting I don't get it why so many fapstronauts put self-flagellation in this process. In my opinion there is no need to demonize sexuality (or any fetishes) as an ill part of anyone's personality that have to be repressed. In my case a lot of talks about nofap AND regularly sex brought my wife and me closer together than ever in the 20 years of our relationship. And my reward system gets back to normal. After 100 days most every day activities thrill me again as hell. Now I love it!
    Konklifer, Wugazi32 and Bobske like this.
  9. I don't know you're full story or what you are struggling with but my answer would be:

    When would now be a good time to start satisfying your wife again?

    I doubt that you have been satisfying her much at all while engaging in your cuckold fantasies. You've been busy satisfying your own urges while engaging in those cuckold forums.

    Give her oral. Rub her feet. Give her a massage. Buy her flowers. Cook her dinner.

    Stay off those forums. Delete your porn. Tell your wife that you love her and spend some time with her.
  10. Can you make a thread full of advice for guys who know nothing about creating this kind of loving attention for their emotionally abused partners?
    +TenPercent likes this.
  11. That's a good idea. Perhaps you could start the thread and see what kind of feedback you get?
    I bet there are a lot of guys on here with some good advice. And . . . most of us probably need a long list.

    I, like the OP, have struggled with cuckold fantasies. For over a decade! My addict mind convinces me that I have cuckold fantasies because that must be my fate. I'm inadequate, not manly enough, small penis, etc. And certain elements of my past experiences with women seem to confirm this theory . . .

    But here's the catch - it's all about me! Even that classic idea of a cuckold wanting his partner to have all his love and more (sex / attention from other men) it's still the cuckold who is cuckolded. It's a self-centered fantasy. The solution is to try to help other people. Helping other addicts helps us to break free of the self-obsession. Another solution is to focus on loving our partners . . . or being nice to people. Anything to be othercentered rather than selfcentered.

    Years ago I hear a guy say that we can seek love and never get it. We have no control over that. What we can do is give love. For some reason that stuck with me. I find that relationships work better when I stop worrying about what I am or am not getting out of it. For whatever reason, this person is in my life. What can I do to love them? What is the most loving thing I can do right now?
    Joggyd and Bobske like this.

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