When he says he doesn't want to stop...

We had been married 10 years at that point. Now is 20 years later. However, there is help now, there wasn’t then. I agree completely with you though, if he doesn’t even want to change he’s just going to get better at hiding and lying.

 

Because he was going through withdrawals! Yeah, that part sucks and for my husband he was a bear to be around the 1st four months. The withdrawals are no joke. Honestly, witnessing my husband go through withdrawals was what really convinced me that this was an addiction. He was awful! He even yelled at an old man in the airport, my husband never yells. A year and a half later, he is a much better man. A much better more thoughtful person. If they can get into recovery they become much better versions of themselves. Every time they relapse though sone of that old behaviors comes back.

 

That’s an interesting theory, doesn’t work though if the porn addict/sex addict is also IA. Also didn’t apply to my relationship as I was up front and told him on the 2nd date that I was waiting until marriage to have sex ( Christian). I was also focused on law school. Once married, my libido far exceeded his. 28 years later I’m still up for sex any time he wants, just not the only one initiating anymore.

 

Lol! I don’t think you can predict the sex after marriage, especially with so much that affects women’s desire and libido. IA- Intimacy Anorexia. The closer and more attached they are to a partner the more they avoid sex. it’s far to intimate. Facing the Shadow is a great workbook to help. Really describes what’s going on for the addict. Also Treating Pornography addiction by Kevin Skinner is awesome.

 

It’s always nerve racking, even when you have nothing to hide. Having taken 3 myself though, I do understand the limitations and strengths of having one done. It’s an interesting feeling to be the one in the “ hot seat” so to speak.