When to kiss a girl?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Mankrik, Feb 28, 2018.

  1. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

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    Title is pretty self explanatory and I'm sure this is not the first time this has come up but I don't have a lot of experience with this. A little bit of background: I'm 18 years old and have still never had my first kiss. I have known this girl awhile and we reconnected after high school. We have gone out a couple times and have a third date planned. I am super into her and think she likes me back, but she is kind of hard to read because I think she is shy and does not show a lot of emotion (I am also like this). However I always pay for the date and the conversation is always good and there is always some physical contact.

    I feel like we are both inexperienced and it will be perfectly fine but I have no idea and don't want to rush things. I want her to know that I don't just care about her looks and am interested in getting to know her. We are going out to eat together at a casual restaurant for our next date. I'm not going to overthink it or be obsessing over it the whole time, but I think i'm going to kiss her at the end. When we are leaving and saying goodbye I will bring her in close for a hug and then after look into her eyes then at her lips and kiss her. (Slowly and deliberately so she can opt out) I know this is kind of a risk but I don't think I have any other choice. I'm going to try to kiss her so she knows my intentions and how I feel about her. This is the plan I'm going with but would appreciate any advice.
     
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  2. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

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    I don't want to ask for permission to kiss her, but is there anything I should say right before to set the mood?
     
  3. scote73

    scote73 Fapstronaut

    In my honest opinion, just go for it man. The feeling I get from your explanation of the situation, it seems like the time is right.

    If you go for it and she says no, then accept it. Do not take it personally. Be respectful and considerate of her boundaries. She will respect you much more if that's the case.
     
  4. noonoon

    noonoon Fapstronaut

    Dude. Don’t wait for the end of the date. Hold her hands early on, hug, etc. then find a nice place to either sit or stop and stand and while holding her hands give her a small smooch. If she digs it you’ve set yourself up for more kisses later.
    Make it casual.
     
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  5. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

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    I really like this idea, but kind of a big risk no? Don't want to make things awkward for the rest of the date if it doesn't work out. I wouldn't have to think about it as much though and it could also help set a precedent for the rest of the date... I might take this advice.
    However if we meet up separately at this venue I might not get a good opportunity to do this (one of us will be seated at the restaurant before the other arrives) If she lets me pick her up and rive her there it might be better... idk.
     
  6. noonoon

    noonoon Fapstronaut

    On it third date there is zero risk. She’s obviously into you or it wouldn’t have gotten this far. She may not be ready to kiss eat, but if that’s the case it doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you. If she isn’t ready for it you get s chance to show her how caring and compassionate you are. “I just really like you but if you’re not ready for this I’m totally ok with that.”
     
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  7. noonoon

    noonoon Fapstronaut

    If you’re at the restaurant when she arrives, get up, pull the seat out for her and when she sits down give her a peck on the cheek. Her reaction will tell you exactly how to proceed from there.
     
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  8. noonoon

    noonoon Fapstronaut

    Oh, and bring her flowers too. Just a few wild flowers not a big ol bokeh. Shows you’ve been thinking of her
     
  9. noonoon

    noonoon Fapstronaut

    Damn, I’m good. I should write a book.
     
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  10. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

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    These are very helpful suggestions.
     
  11. WhoCares101

    WhoCares101 Fapstronaut

    I am 32 and just kissed my first girl over 2 weeks ago. I spent the first half of the date really learning about her over dinner and the second half checking her out over a game of pool. I did not know the signals if she wanted me to kiss her or not but at the end of the date I just went for it and she melted. Not sure if this helps but the more in your head you are the less action there is.
    Slowly touch her respectfully, elbow, back, hands, all above board and nothing to forceful. If she is into you she will not push your touches away and will define the lines as a friends. If she does not push you away then slowly lean in for a kiss and you are golden. But act quickly my friend or else you risk getting put into the friend zone and end up with "nice guy syndrome".

    Good luck my friend
     
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  12. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    She's hard to read and you're unsure because you don't know if it's the right time or if she wants to.

    Well maybe you're hard to read and she's unsure if it's the right time or if you want to.

    You're hesitating because of uncertainty. You're unsure of yourself because of the risk of your desired outcome not happening.

    You're way too worried about things you can't control. So you're looking for the perfect moment and method. Which causes procrastination and hesitation.

    Have you ever been around shy and timid people tip toeing around something? It feels like that person is hiding something or is up to something that they feel ashamed about. If you're unsure about yourself, then why would she be sure of being with you? You're behaving like you sort of want her, but not really.

    This is because you lack experience / competence in order to have confidence with this.

    Whatever the outcome... whether it works in your favor or not... you're definitely not going to sway things in your favor by hesitating and being worried.

    This is supposed to be an enjoyable experience, but instead you experience this with fear.

    This is my advice to you and you're probably not going to be able to pull it off 100%, but it's something to aim for =

    Enjoy yourself. Behave however you want and talk about whatever you want. Hold her hands and hug her whenever you want. As much a she'll let you. Until she says no. Not out of fear or worry, but out of being playful. You want to play and have fun with this person that you're so interested in spending time with. The kiss comes naturally when both of you have fun. What's more fun than talking? Holding hands. What's more fun than that? Hugging. More than that? Kissing. You both naturally spiral upwards. You don't know if she wants to join in on that upwards path, but you for sure want to. She can't get on that path if you're not already willing to move in that direction.

    Fully follow your desires and express yourself honestly. You can't do that because you're too worried that she won't resonate with the real you. That's where a lot of people get stuck. They're afraid of finding out the outcome so they prolong a fantasy.

    You don't have much experience in doing this, so you don't have the competence or confidence for it, but you will never gain it if you don't have the courage to start. Even if that means that this doesn't work out in your favor, but do you plan on living in fear and hiding yourself for the rest of your life? Will that be the fragile foundation of all your relationships?

    At this point you care more about what you want than actually finding out what she wants. Fear of your desired outcome not happening. Stuck in your worried and fearful head while missing the experience that you should be enjoying no matter the outcome. It's up to you to meet her halfway. Then it's up to her to decide if she wants to join. Anything else is just delaying the end of a fantasy. Delaying reality.
     
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  13. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

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    Congratulations! :D and thank you for this advice.
     
  14. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

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    You always seem to know me better than myself lol. Thanks for the thoughtful response and this accurately sums it up. Its going to take practice and this is not the person I want as a trial run, but I still have to take these risks and be myself. The alternative is her losing interest or me getting friend zoned. I really want to take things slow and not come on too strong but I need to "Fully follow my desires and express myself honestly" instead of being cold and distant. I feel like we are both shy and submissive and don't have much experience. I need to enjoy my time with her and do what feels right. I am going to kiss her and that's not something I should be hesitant or worried about. I'm going to take this leap of faith the same way I did when I first asked her out. I'm feeling really good about it.
     
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  15. tweeby

    tweeby Banned

    Good luck buddy!
     
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  16. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

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    Thanks I'll post how it goes on this thread.
     
  17. Jen@8675309

    [email protected] Distinguished Fapstronaut

    I think it's pretty romantic to ask her if you can kiss her.
     
  18. vibemaker

    vibemaker Fapstronaut

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    My Journal
    Do it when you feel it, when it's honest, when you want to do it, not when you feel like you have to.
     
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  19. There is no best time but you have to at least try on the first date not trying at all is not good and its easy to get friend zoned go for kiss don't hide your interest if she likes you she will like it if not she wont
     
  20. Clean Plate

    Clean Plate Fapstronaut

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    There’s a way to tell if she wants to kiss but this is “pua stuff ” that’s happened to me so I believe it. When you vibe with her, look at her eyes. If she looks away down to your mouth area, she is looking at your lips, she’ll then look away, probably at your eyes, which will creat more emotions out of her. She’ll keep repeating this looking up and down at your face, your lips and your eyes/forehead if she’s shy. This might mean she wants to kiss. Like I said this is some “pua” stuff I learned, and I have experienced this recently. Look out for it!
     
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