When You Focus On The Things You Have...

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by MrMurk, Feb 19, 2018.

  1. MrMurk

    MrMurk Fapstronaut
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    ... you don’t feel the need to focus on the things you don’t have.

    That’s easier said than done.

    Right now I experience some serious loneliness issues. I feel pain in my heart from being lonely. Especially when I think about that nobody understands me.

    But let’s try to focus on what I actually have.

    I have a friend who I workout with regularly who understands my need for growing stronger and gaining more muscles...
    I have a friend who knows where I come from, what I experienced in my puberty and early adulthood and is still here...
    I have a friend who knows I’m very lonely at this point in my life, and understands that I want to do something about it right now, but I don’t know how. So he’s reaching out and pushes me now to take a dance class...
    I have a family who understands my need for love and acceptence, but the thing is I realize now I don’t ask for that much...
    I have a great health and feel grateful for that...
    I just found a great community to connect with if I feel the need to do so...

    What would you add more?
     
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2018
  2. I must change

    I must change Fapstronaut

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    Keep up the good work have patience, you're correct in focusing on what you have. and you sound like your young in age and mature beyond your years in wisdom. I accidently walked through a children's cancer ward in a hospital . I saw a group of very young children smiling and laughing and racing in there wheel chairs up and down the halls . . I left the ward and started to cry for them. It changed my life and how I view my problems and what was important. No matter how bad life can get their is always someone worst off and making the best of it. I know your loneliness is for real and you feel the pain loneliness it is a very personal emotion. . Sometimes your way out of pain is serving someone or something bigger than you. This moment happened over 20 years ago. I hope it helps and yu keep looking for the good in life
     
  3. Your post is really honest and calm. You have a good way of facing reality and expressing your thoughts.
    People like you tend to succeed in life. I kinda get the feeling that this will be a good place for you, but that you won't need much help from others.
     
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  4. MrMurk

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    Your story really touch me! That must have really changed your perspective about how you view problems.?

    Last weekend I was talking to a friend of mine and how I started using daily morning routines, like meditating and writing down things I am grateful for. Then he opened up and talked about how he starts every morning by being grateful for what he has and what he will do today. That was so wonderful, because I view him as a very optimistic and happy person, but I never thought he did someting like this. So now I realize it actually works and I have life proof from it :).

    @Hercules Stop thank you my dear friend for taking the time to respond and your kind words! I feel already a little bit better now knowing that I have to take action and actively seek likeminded people, and if I don’t I’ll fall back to my old life. And I don’t wanna do that.

    Actually people like me also need help from time to time. But they know that by helping others they sometimes also help themselves.

    Thank you for your help by responding and saying what you feel, it helps me understand myself better! ;-)

    EDIT: BTW I'm NOT ANY DIFFERENT from you :) We are all the same, but have different experiences!
     
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2018
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  5. I must change

    I must change Fapstronaut

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    absolutely !! most of my problems are trivial when you compared them to that. Problems are real to the person that has them but I'm on guard to question how big and how important they really are some warrant me changing as person some call for me accepting what I can and cant control. I think as you get older you gain a lot of perspective ( if you allow yourself) cuz you have more experience. Example Like the first time you got your heart broken at the time it was the end of the world as time goes by you look back and hopefully laugh. I hope this help
     
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  6. MrMurk

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    Yes it does help. Haha thank you :) a lot. It reminds me of when my first girlfriend broke up with me. I suffered from that. And a lot of bad habits were created during this period, that I still have/feel today. Such as isolating myself and cutting myself off. It is time to let it go in the past and move forward. I've learned my lesson and it's time to move on. We had wonderful moments together, and I want to remember that instead of what could have happen if...
     
  7. You know, my friend? I know the say but forgot to manifest it in my life.

    Thank you for the post. U deserve more points.
     
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  8. I'd like to add something. Guys, feel the words you read. Don't read them and say to urself I know them. Feel them even the most common say in ur life.
     
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  9. Speaking of being not being understood, it could be a sign of intelligence few ppl possess.
    Read the book How to Ain Friends and Influence Ppl. Skip the part that tells u to smile, and u will be OK.
     
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  10. MrMurk

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    Great, Thank you! I actually read it one and a half year ago. Some pretty good lessons in it, although I found myself after reading it pleasing too many people.

    I like what you say about feeling the words you read. I'm reading the same affirmation everyday. But I don't feel the words I'm reading anymore. So it's a good reminder you gave me to stir up my affirmations so I feel the meaning of the words again.

    Thank you bro! Thanks for adding something to the list :)
     
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  11. Well, I'm just gonna write it here since it's a mini-gratitude topic.
    I'm grateful that I have a professional and kind psychiatrist who respects people and employs a friendly approach, as well as not being judgmental.
    I'm grateful that even at my worst, since I am a walking disaster these days, I had the necessary amount of courage to approach a waiter I like. I learned more about myself and how shy and unbalanced I can be, so I felt uncomfortable when it all started taking place, but I knew I had to spit it out somehow. He was kind and understanding. He was totally cool about it. He's straight, as it turns out. He told me I don't need to feel uncomfortable and that I don't need to stop visiting because everything's okay. I am grateful that there are straight guys out there who are friendly and confident and don't react badly when approached by other guys.
    I am grateful for this website because the forum introduced me to so many broad-minded, interesting individuals who don't even recognize half the qualities they possess that are noticeable in their posts, topics and journals.
    I am grateful for many people here, especially @Brando_ (I miss you, dude!), @StopTheMusic (Mr. Tried, True, Tested & Traditional) @G-dog and others who had encouraging comments and words of support to share.
    I am grateful that I am still here. No matter how messed up everything is, I am still here. Still a weak, unusual survivalist. But a survivalist nevertheless.
    I am grateful that I don't have faith, but I still have something in me to keep me going.
    I am grateful that I have a kind and powerful mother.
    I am grateful I had food to eat today.
     
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  12. Happy to be of help
     
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  13. MrMurk

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    Great brother! I like your story about approaching the waiter. I’ve been approached many times by guys, and I always feel flattered and grateful when they approach me. Even though I’m not interested in guys so far. I like the openess in your writings :)

    I think having still something in you that keeps you going (but don’t know what) is exactly what faith is. It’s trusting the unknown...

    Lot’s of love and gratitude to you my friend :)
     
  14. I am grateful for your journal and this post. Sometimes I'm grateful for an amazing event or wonderful happening in my life.

    Sometimes it's just this list I run down:
    • Is the rent paid?
    • Will I sleep inside tonight?
    • Are the water, electric and gas bills paid?
    • If I flip the light switch will the light come on?
    • Is there food in the refrigerator?
    • Am I going to eat dinner tonight?
    • Is my health being taken care of?
    • I might not be in perfect health, but am I addressing all my health issues?
    • Have I spoken with a loved one recently?
    • Family, friends, my partner all are something to be grateful for, but am I making an effort?
    It's not a complete list and sometimes I shorten it to just the next thing in front of me. Like, do I have dinner tonight?

    Speaking of which, I need to strip my bed and put on clean sheets.

    I've always wondered about how straight guys deal with that. I'm not straight. But, I've had similar experiences with women approaching me. It's a bit different because men are expected to do the "asking out" where as women are expected to "flirt" to make the guy "man up" and ask her out.

    I didn't make these silly rules, but I have to play on the field as it's laid out.

    When I've had women who are obviously interested in me I react similar to @MarekvBeek in that I'm flattered. But, somewhat differently, I tell them I'm gay and ask them out. Maybe it's just a coffee or lunch. Perhaps it's dinner with me and my partner. But, why can't I ask them out after they find out I'm gay? I have many good straight female friends.

    Why can't a straight man tell a gay man that he's flattered but straight, then ask them out for lunch or dinner with him and his girlfriend? Most gay men would be fine with it. Heck, the gay guy might even give you a few tips on how to stay in your girlfriends favor.

    --> L
     
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  15. MrMurk

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    I really like this! And I also like your list and how you use it as a reminder to the things you have, instead of thinking about the things you don’t have.

    I never immediately say I’m straight when they flirt with me. Only one time when a guy tried to kiss me. Another time a guy asked me for dinner at his place. I knew he was gay, but I thought I just went for it, because I really liked his personality. So I said yes.

    We had great conversations. He didn’t made any moves because I think he just waited for me, but I could feel he liked me. Unfortunately we lost contact after our dinner, but I’m very grateful for this experience. It also made me understand myself a little bit better.

    I’m actually very cool with people that have different sexual interest, I think mainly because of my own past interest in a fetish and because of my sister’s both gender interest. I think what you say... and that’s only because I had similar experience with this... is mainly because men are expected to stay strong in our society, and showing that you have feelings for guys means to them that they’re showing their weaknesses. It’s their supression of their feminine side. Which is of course BS as you and I know. But I think that’s just what them is programmed to believe.

    If one of our friends said no to something he was afraid of, we always “joked” calling that person gay or pussy. You see how easy those words get swapped? I don’t say this is to say it’s good, I try to explain how this thinking pattern could happen.

    For a long time I didn’t accept the feminine side in me, because I thought then I would be a gay person, and I didn’t want that at that time. It meant that my dream of having a family and babies would not exist anymore.

    Complete BS!!!

    Then I realised: so what? If it turns out that I am gay, then so what? I still have the choice to go for a family, because I like girls too. Then I realised it was just the shame I had from watching gay-porn and shemale-porn. Now I’m happy with this part of myself.

    And now... if my taste of gender would change in the future, I’m actually very happy about that. Because it can give me a new perspective on life :)

    Thank you for your post my dear friend!
     
  16. vxlccm

    vxlccm Fapstronaut

    Not sure if you're using this as a journal thread, @MarekvBeek...
    Hope you're doing ok. Just came by to say Hello :)
     
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