WHERE`D THE MAGIC GO?? Eden is lost.

Need I say more.

Never thought that young boy filled with so much cheer, zest, wonder, curiosity, innocence etc. Would be a slave to his own senses on such a pathetic degree. Draining his very life force all the while completely aware of the internal wounds hes creating. Layering scar tissue on scar tissue until his mind is a bloody infested scab that has conditioned his nervous system to ejaculate the very fabric of creation. To waste it for a fleeting surge of pleasure followed by a bleak depression.

That little angel has fallen so many times he just crawls. . . . No... scrapes his way through. These machines are draining us. Hyper sexualizing us. Putting our deepst fantasies at our finger tips & playing with our nature to create. Draining our Godliness. Turning us into insects dressed in flesh. Taking the magic out of life & making demons out of men.

That magic of falling in love. . . getting that first kiss from a girl youve taken out on a date. WHERE THE FUCK DID IT GO. NOW ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS HOW IM GOING TO TREAT HER LIKE A FUCKING OBJECT WHEN WE FINALLY GET HOME AND WATCH NETFLIX.

My fathers father would be ashamed. But he would understand.

WE are MEN. We are here to plant seeds!! BUT now we just throw them on a stone floor. Never thought I would be so haunted by my own nature. How sick do you have to be to have a sexual fetish over the area where a female excretes her bodies waste. What the fuck man.

Ive heard of Dolphins having sex with each others blow holes. SO I guess part of the nature of being highly sentient is sexual curiosity & exploration. As long as it doesn't lead you to a place of spiritual emptiness on an eternal scale. A state of moral decadence where everything becomes a fucking object to stick yer dingle in & exploit. Man or pig? Why even call it pig, pigs have far greater moral then most people. I don`t see them fucking eachothers poop-holes. No less filming it for people to masterbate too.

This downward pull only dives deeper and deeper into sickness & unhealth. Violence, disease, depression, eventually strange dark evil fetishes involving pain, slavery, & stealing innocence. Taking the beauty of true human matrimony and perverting it to a lust driven expression of Satanic power. This deviant nature exploits the beauty of the universe & makes a hell out of heaven. Eden is lost.

I know all this yet still am a slave to the imagery of a women giving every opening of her sacred vessel for a selfish man to exploit. Both of whom are strangers, yet on an absolute scale reflections of my very self.

I want to be that child again. In the picture with my sweet mother. Rosey cheeks & a smile that needs NOTHING more. In a world of infinite wonder. Beyond the binds of sex & ego. Innocence is bliss, not ignorance. Ignorance is a path to eventual death. For all of us.

How many times do you put your hand on the stove before it turns into a blackened bone?

Our selfishness destroys not only our self, but the WORLD . . . which is just ourself.

When you KNOW your higher power is your self, who do you turn to? Batman? no . . . but maybe the lil guy(me(inner child) wearing that batman shirt is the hero after all. Deep down in the vacant canyon of a heart Ive created through falling short of my expectations more times then I can count, that sweet lil dude is still there. . . waiting to get out. Someone throw this kid a rope! Everytime I do, poor kid gets about halfway up & then i fucking CUT IT AGAIN. And he slams the ground once more. Poor weeping inner child. Neglected. Abused. By his own self.

Addiction. Craving. Attachment.

CALL IT WHAT YOU WANT, ITS SLAVERY. AND THE ONLY WAY OUT IS WITH DISCIPLINE & WILL POWER I JUST CANT SEEM TO MUSTER UP FOR MORE THEN 5 DAYS. The very thing that forcibly spills out of my man hood IS MY WILLPOWER. IS MY COURAGE. IS MY VITALITY. IS THE LITERALLY LIVING WATER. IS SPIRIT MADE MANIFEST PHYSICALLY. The very raw creative force of the universe being wasted. Like casting pearls before swine.

Yet seeing someones holy vessel willingly get violated so I can expell my very life force is somehow worth it. PATHETIC.

Maybe a DE-evolved MAN IS a De-MAN. .

HOW I LONG FOR THAT PURITY. THAT SWEET VITALITY OF BLISSFUL YOUTH BEFORE I BIT THE DAMN FRUIT. FUCKING EVE IS SO HOT. MAKE ME BLIND AGAIN. I AM FINE WITH FEELING A WOMENS BODY, but feeling triggered SO hard that I need to go bust one because I see a sexy girl on instagram Is just pathetic weakness. How many years will this go on.

Whatever Satanic force this is, STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME. Id kill you if I could, but then Id just be killin myself. & that aint much fun now is???

There is ALWAYS hope. The universe is OMNIPOTENT. All things are possible In GOD.

If thats true then lets fix this. Lets rebuild the kingdom. The temple of Solomon which is just the body of man. Lets reclaim this throne and over throw this evil fucking dictator that has taken EVERYTHING. RUINED EVERYTHING. GIVE ME BACK THE SPARK. GIVE ME BACK THE WONDER. THE INSPIRATION. LIFE!

Love come heal this heart so It may live for you once again.

Bless all who read this.

I need as much support as possible. I cant do this alone.