Where to begin

Rant alert:

The title says it all for me right now. Just relapsed and haven’t been doing well with my recovery. It’s been YEARS since I’ve broken my streak of 39 days of no pmo. I’ve been tracking my so called “progress” and I’ve definitely regressed. I’ve seen the impact it’s had on my relationships, time, energy etc.

I’ve read including some unbelievably great posts here and researched a lot about this addiction and even gone through therapy. Read fantastic books (I love Gary Wilson’s “Your Brain on Porn” and Dr. Kevin Skinner’s “Treating Pornography Addiction”). Even been prescribed medication that’s supposed to reduce my urges.

Nothing takes. I think I’m at the severe end of the spectrum. I get a streak for a week then for whatever reason, whether it’s boredom, some arousal, or severe lack of energy, I blow my streak. I’m at the point where I’m starting to not care. Literally. I mean I know not to do any of this yet I still don’t care on some level and give in. I see no progress and a part of my conscious mind sees all this and says “what does it matter if you’re gonna keep doing this?” I hear that I shouldn’t beat up on myself but how else am I supposed to feel if I know what I know yet I still give into this pmo literally thousands of times? Wish I had that answer. Thanks for reading.

 

Thank you my friend. Your words mean a great deal. It’s appreciated.

What seems to help me is praying the Rosary and going to church. I’ve praying the last 5 days and I think it does help. I will check in with an AP and try it out.