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Where to go from here...

Discussion in 'Significant Other Journals' started by Kiz, Jul 3, 2018.

  1. Jul 3, 2018 #1
    Kiz

    Kiz New Fapstronaut

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    So I have spent most of the day looking at all the forums and sub forums and finally taken the plunge and read the rules as I am now in a point in my relationship where I have no idea where to go from here.

    Mods: I hope this is the right place to start writing if not please let me know and I will delete.

    I am a wife and my husband hides porn.
    I am not sure if he is an addict or how you can tell what an addict is..is there questions i can ask him to answer that...

    When does it go from 'like'...to 'really like'...to 'obsession' to 'additcion'...if he hasnt stopped in the past but stopped now does that make him an addict...?

    I have so much to say and feel so lost and overwhelmed... I will jump on my computer tonight and poor my heart out.

    My husband is currently away on business and I am feeling so lost and alone.

    I have read a few stories but none seem to have helped me with my situation so if you come back and read once its all on here and you have heard something similar please feel free to tag me.

    Ill share my story soon and what we have done so far....

    I really hope i can get some answers from both SO's and PA's.

    Thanks I will be back later on..


    Kiz
     
    Kiz, Jul 3, 2018
    Kiz, Jul 3, 2018
    #1
    Kenzi, Trappist and Queen_Of_Hearts_13 like this.
  2. Jul 3, 2018 #2
    Queen_Of_Hearts_13

    Queen_Of_Hearts_13 Fapstronaut

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    This is the right place

    and as for addiction, the defining characteristics are: the substance (pmo in this case) is used for escape-whether thats daily stresses, childhood trauma, just daily reality,etc. they are running from something and using pmo to self medicate. Also if they ever try to stop, they inevitably go back to PMO wheb things get bad in their life. My husband went 3 months no PMO when we first met and once there were some big stressors he went back into his addiction (i didnt know any of that at the time). The final characteristic is the addiction is causing negative consequences in their life and they still wont stop (i.e. Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction, You are hurt and ask him to stop and he doesnt and your relationship deteriorates and he still wont stop, or he uses at work and risks his job and one day gets caught amd fired and still wont stop).

    If he is not an addict the one thing you have to say is, "sweetie you watching porn makes me feel X and i hope you cab respect that and stop" and then after hearing that he would never use again and he would never hide his porn use (and would not hide it in the first place).

    If youve asked him to stop, told him it hurts, and he still hasnt then he either is addicted or selfish, or both. But given how i broke down addiction above hopefully you can see for yourself if he is addicted.

    Also, check out my resources thread in my signatuee, its a great place to start to understand the whole thing.

    If you have any questions dont hesitate to ask!
     
    Queen_Of_Hearts_13, Jul 3, 2018
    Queen_Of_Hearts_13, Jul 3, 2018
    #2
    Kenzi and Trappist like this.

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