Where to take the girl on the first date?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by embodiment of luck, Apr 9, 2020.

  1. Okay... but if you think they wouldn't be a good influence on kids, then clearly you think there is something bad about them. Maybe "terrible" was a strong word, but obviously you think they aren't good people. Otherwise why would they be a bad influence on kids? I have a cross tattoo on my wrist, and it has had zero influence on the influence I am on my nephews.

    Alright. I strongly disagree, but you can believe what you want. This is a super outdated view to have. So many people nowadays have tattoos and piercings. It's not just a fringe punk/metal thing anymore. Normal, average people have tattoos and piercings. But if you want to write them all off as people who are a bad influence in some way, that's your choice.
     
  2. embodiment of luck

    embodiment of luck Fapstronaut

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    Hippies are not bad people but they were bad influence, being a good or bad kind of person does not mean that you cannot influence someone in a bad way. I think that culture is very important and frankly all of this stuff with tattoos and piercings reminds me of pagan times in history, which I don't like. I don't know if what kind of influence you have on your nephews (if that is what you try to write, sorry if I misread) it still doesn't prove my point wrong, because it is not exactly the same thing being an aunt or parent to that kid.
    I don't agree with philosophy "many people nowadays have tattoos and piercings and it is normal" Just because something is common does not necessarily mean that it is normal. When you look at these things you will see that they have a bad origin (
    tattoos have been used by criminals, prisoners, prostitutes and so on) I don't know why would we adopted those things when they have they a such a bad origin, and I think that such a need to put some image or symbol on your body is to me some bad indicator on one psyche (by that I mean excessive reliance on social norms to the extent that one is willing to do
    damage to his own skin). I don't write people off from my life just because they do not fit my standard of appearance,
    my brother has tattoos, I just don't want girl in my life that has these red flags. Some of the red flags I'm talking about like
    promiscuity are proven by social science to have bad consequences in most cases on social life.
     
    Metis07 likes this.
  3. Well yeah, of course. Promiscuity is a huge red flag and obviously has negative influences on a person's life. I don't see what that has to do with someone having a picture on their skin or a ring in their nose. I say judge someone by the content of their charcater, and their actions, not whether or not they have tattoos or piercings. Maybe they just like the way they look. That doesn't tell you anything about the person's character.
     
  4. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    You always have to go for what you want. If she don´t want to kiss you back and give you the cheek is her call and you have to respect that, but is weak of us to hold back because you don´t know if she is going to kiss you back. The best mindset to have in a date is where you are convinced she is into you and of course she is waiting for you to kiss her.
    As i said, first goal of the date is to know if i like her and want a 2nd date with her, 2nd goal is to know if she is interested in me. I never spoke about getting laid.
    would you ask out again a girl that rejected you? when a girl give you the cheek is a big sign of low interest in you. Going out again with a girl that give you the cheek is giving her the message that is ok to go out with you and give you the cheek at the end of the night, that´s a one way ticket to friendzone or an invitation to be jerked around a few more dates.
    It is a red flag, you want a girl that kiss you back when she wants you, and not a girl that holds back what she feels because of stupid rules.
    we agree on this one!
     
  5. I agree with most of what you said in that last comment, but not this part. There are tons of reasons why a girl might not kiss on a first date. One is that she isn't interested, but all of the others have nothing to do with her interest in you.

    I'm a fairly conservative person and have only kissed two people in my life. Even if I was super into a guy, I'm not sure I would kiss on a first date. If he went in for a kiss, it might even be a pure instinct of mine to pull away because we don't know each other that well yet.

    So... yeah. Not accepting a kiss definitely does NOT mean she isn't interested in you. But in regards to this:

    If that's how YOU feel, then sure, maybe you shouldn't go out with her again. Because obviously you don't like that, for whatever reason. But that's not what everyone wants. Some people understand that those "rules" aren't all "stupid" and that it's okay for people to have boundaries that are different than yours.

    Being a conservative Christian, I know some people who don't think it's right to kiss until your wedding day. Personally, I don't have a problem with kissing before them, but if I was going out with a guy I really liked and he didn't want to kiss until the wedding day, I wouldn't just toss him to the curb because he has different boundaries than me. Part of a healthy relationship is learning how to compromise with each other. If you just dump anyone who has a different view than you on kissing on the first date, sure, you might find someone to have a second date with, but that's not a great start to learning how to have a successful relationship in the long term. You're never going to find someone you agree with on everything, so eventually you'll have to accept their views and not dump them because of a small difference in values.

    But if kissing on the first date is for some reason a really important value to you (I can't imagine why it would be, but hey, to each his own), then sure, stick to your values. We all have standards we shouldn't compromise on if they are very important to us. There are certain "deal breaker" things. I just don't think that should be one of them, personally.
     
  6. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    You don´t know him well... but at the same time you are sooo into the guy. Why? attraction is not a choice. You are really attracted to the guy even before you "started to know him well". But despite that feelling you only give him the cheek, that´s holding back and holding back is not natural, more for woman that are emotional beens. Is hard to date girls that hold back, girls that don´t do what they feel because society, religion, books or insecurities don´t let them.
    So yes, a girl that don´t give you a kiss on the first date, no matter the reason, is a red flag.
     
  7. domsi

    domsi Fapstronaut

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    bruh thats just so wrong
     
  8. Well, again, that's your opinion. Not everyone feels that way about it. I don't "hold back" because a book or "society" tells me to. It would be because I don't feel comfortable. and I would never want to be with a man who doesn't respect a woman's boundaries, or pushes her to do something she doesn't feel comfortable with. Not everyone feels the need to kiss someone just because they like someone and are attracted to them.

    If you see that holding back as a red flag, that's fine. You do you. I'm just saying that isn't a red flag for everybody.
     
  9. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    Nope, I dated girls for 15 years and read a lot about how attraction works, and how to look for healty woman and avoid the ones that displayed red flags.

    This is exactly my point. A normal woman that is really attracted to a guy is going to be happy to kiss him back, she's going to be naturally comfortable with his presence.
    if not.. she is not that into the guy, or she is holding back because something don´t let her act naturally. Her head is not following her heart, she have a conflict between them and that is a red flag.

    I support this 100%. I wrote above that man have to respect the woman´s choices, if she don´t want to kiss you back, hold hands, go out with you or anything just accept it and walk away.
     
  10. Yeah... that's still an opinion.

    Again... this just all completely an opinion. All women are different. You are not the expert on why women do what they do. It's fine that you have this opinion. It's not fine for you to say it's a fact.
     
  11. Anakin66

    Anakin66 Fapstronaut

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    This is your opinion. An unfortunate one btw.

    Lol, so by your own admission you didn't get it right after 15 years?

    Bro, humans are complex beings. While we can generalise some psychological behaviour, every individual is still unique.
     
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  12. Anakin66

    Anakin66 Fapstronaut

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    Also, there are cultural factors to account for when dating. Some cultures delay sexual contact until after marriage, including kissing.

    I kissed girls on first dates before and then there were girls I've dated where we barely held hands.

    I had my first kiss with my wife after 4 months of dating. We have been together for more than 11 years and she is the best thing that happened to me since slice bread.
     
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  13. red gyarados

    red gyarados Fapstronaut

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    Dive bar close to your place.
     
  14. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    So you like to kiss girls, even on first dates.
    so why you didn´t kiss her in the first 4 months?
    Easy, because she didn´t want you to. You settled for less than what you wanted in hopes she will kiss you back some day.
    What if after 4 months waiting her breath is awful, sex is awful or maybe she dumps you for another guy before she even give you a kiss.
    You invested 4 months of your life (time, emotions, money) with a girl that treated you just as friends, it ended ok for you but most of the times the guys that are friendzoned like you never gets the girl.
     
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  15. Anakin66

    Anakin66 Fapstronaut

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    What's your point? I was staying that I have done both. It's about context.

    Yes stranger, please do tell me about how my wife and I felt more than 10 years ago and why we acted the way we did. You obviously were there and you know me better than me.

    It is extremely stupid to paint a hypothetical situation of my life when I am here stating the facts of what transpired to demonstrate that you kissing on the first date isn't a litmus test.

    By all means, if the mood and context is right then yes. But you have a premeditated mindset that's sound more harmful than helpful. And you have obviously been successful with your method.
     
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  16. Thanks for the future idea. I hope I'll remember that.
     
  17. Krillin1993

    Krillin1993 Fapstronaut

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    If I wouldn't live a life in celibacy I would take my girlfriend to a park. I would walk with her and then talk to her while the girl and me sitting on a bench next to each other alone! Just to make the step to talk first to her and share things vis-à-vis is really important. Dont plan things like going to a cinema or to a restaurant on the first date. Just talk to her and then you can go to a cafe where you don't have to share private things from you. Cause I find cafés and restaurants really loud sometimes and if you want to share something from your own life you have to be afraid that somebody might hear you. Thats why I find closed places like these not pleasant. Drink tea or cafe and then say goodbye. And don't have sex on the first date. Every relationship which starts with sex on the first date end up in misery sooner or later.
     
  18. MyWish

    MyWish Fapstronaut

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    I don't really mind the place,basically somewhere quiet(where we could have an actual talk about us and life in general), for example going to view the sea from behind in the sunset sounds really cute, there's actually a perfect spot I know near the sea! but dating is too far from me now, I just have none of opportunities to find something XD
     
    embodiment of luck likes this.
  19. FishBoy24

    FishBoy24 Fapstronaut

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    Just mess around at home as if its a play date from when youre 6. make spaghetti together and spill everything on the floor. play strip jenga
     
  20. Easy one.
    Text her, say to her that you are going to pick her up from her place and say that you are going to bring a big sourprise with you. (girls cant resist that is a kind of a challenge to her. She will say: "what sourprise?" and blabla, keep the chating be playful)

    Now, you grab you puppie with you (or dog, or cat, or turtle, parrot, i don know...) and show yourself to her place with your little adorable puppie. And you let the little cute animal works its wonderful magic in her.
    Say to her that both of you need to walk your little puppy in the park or some green place close to her home (wich you know beforehand there is, of course. Logistics, logistics).

    And that is all, you and her walk by the park having fun. A little puppy will give you enough theme of conversation already and you can focus on the main thing then: wich is, of course, getting to know HER. Make her talk

    a dog in general works wonders

    You are welcome. I got plenty of more places if you want
     
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