Which goals to set?

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Deleted Account, Aug 1, 2018.

  1. Hi,

    I've just joined and have been encouraged to write a little introduction, so here goes.

    I live in Denmark and am in my mid-40's. I have joined because I recognize that I have a problem, which I need support to solve. I have for many years watched far too much porn and masturbated far too much. The latter much more than the former.

    Up until recently, I have recognized that it was something I did too much, but I saw it as a 'victim-less crime', but I have come to understand that it is not true. My behavior may strain my relationship to my wife (we have a fantastic marriage, but we do not have a lot of sex). My behavior also sustains a shady porn industry where many young women are doing things they really don’t want to do and it maintains a wrong image of women in general. Finally, if I had a dollar for every hour spent on porn and masturbating I would be a wealthy man. It is taking up a lot of my precious time.

    I don’t know how hard this will be - this is my first day – but I have a feeling it will be really hard in a week or so or when I get stressed out at work again or something, so I really need your support and appreciate any I can get.

    I don't know what my goal should be. On one hand I would like to reduce the level to somehing which is ok and many even healthy (?), but on the other hand maby the goal should be to quit it altogether? Which goals do you have?

    Was that introduction enough or do you want any more details?

    Look forward to meeting you on this platform.

    The Danish Guy
  2. TheProcedure

    TheProcedure Fapstronaut

    Hey @DaneGuy welcome to the site! Great decision joining - this is an awesome online community that is changing my life. Truth is, porn sucks man. I think you feel me on that based on your intro there. My goal is to quit porn altogether but i'm focusing right now on my commitment to 90 days. A lifetime of no porn can be an overwhelming goal.

    No porn actually feels great! The guilt, shame, insecurity diminishes. And i think it will help your marriage in terms of the sex, because your appetite for porn will transfer to more grounded and real love for the physical body of your wife. That's just my opinion though man! Either way, welcome again and let's do this! One day at a time.
  3. Such Small Hands

    Such Small Hands Fapstronaut

    Judging by your profile pic, maybe it's best to take a Leap of Faith and go for the whole cleanse!

    In all seriousness, it seems like you've assessed your problems maturely and succinctly. That's a good first step.

    Like the champ above me said, one day at a time. When I first started, the prospect of having to go MY ENTIRE LIFE without the thing I've been addicted to for my whole young adulthood really daunted me, and eventually led to a bad relapse after 53 days clean. I was having a pretty stressful day on top of that, which didn't help. But if you tackle each moment as it comes, and face an urge head on and let yourself BREATHE and watch it pass - then it gets interesting, and victory creeps over the horizon! It'll be difficult, for sure. If/when you relapse, it'll be hugely disappointing. That's why this community exists, fortunately, so we can all support each other.

    I wish you the best.
    TheProcedure and Deleted Account like this.
  4. Tnx @Such Small Hands and @theprocedure - really appreciate your comments.

    As with you both, I will probably set a target of 30 days - hoping it will be 90 days and secretly hoping it will be forever.

    I have a feeling that my real problem is not porn - I think that part I will be able to keep away from, although I do watch an awful lot of that. I think the most difficult part will be to stay away from masturbation, which I really like and which I sometimes do when I am too stressed out (from work) or as a way to sleep. That will be a hard habit to let go of.

    Again, thanks for your comments - they help
  5. TheProcedure

    TheProcedure Fapstronaut

    @Such Small Hands is a true champ and a friend of mine in real life too haha. i stand by his advice 100%.

    And @DaneGuy congrats on 1 day! It seems like you have a really good self-awareness of your problem and that's admirable. I wish you the best on your journey!
    Such Small Hands likes this.

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