Who agrees?

I agree with a lot of this. We DO have the power to prevent stumbling from occurring, but many times, people lack the experience on HOW to prevent themselves from stumbling. That makes quitting PMO a learning process; you learn what triggers you, then you avoid, then you learn what other thing triggered you, or ways to avoid urges, etc.

 

Nah, leave it up. It's truly a valuable viewpoint to have here. It shows that we are, indeed, in control of ourselves.

 

The truth is hard to face but it's necessary for any real change to begin. I feel this, man.

 

Most addicts relapse. That’s just science. I’m not into one size fits all. I’ve had five 30 day reboots with a relapse day in between each one and the results I see are very good physically. To most people on here that’s failure. My reboots are hard mode. I think every person needs to make the decision themselves and not be shamed into a one size fits all model.

 

Everything comes down to choices. What we need to address (I suggest) is what influences affect those choices without judgement. There is a reason for choosing to relapse. Feelings of inadequacy ando failure are likely to contribute to unfavourable choices

 

Completely agree. Every single relapse it's like a flip switching in my head. It is absolutely a choice to fail.

 

I failed today after 62 days hard mode, so many things went wrong in last days and it culminated in one day where I had to cancel my appointments doe to the illness, remained home depressed af and decided to send my gf some ideas aboit clothing i like, so she can buy it. Went thru mini skirts as thats what i want and rest u can find in my journal. If u think u can do this for ever, ok, and the point is? Why not cut our dixx as well than?

 

Good luck man, I shall keep my comments to myself, I have nothing valuable to add, am a complete mess now

 

In response to the original post.. I understand where you are coming from, and that ultimately we are our own decision makers. However, the idea of free-will isn't as simple, it's unfair to expect a person to fully commit to something without understanding the context they are living within. I agree that framing rebooting as something that is ok to do can encourage the prospect of relapsing. However, failing is the way we learn and ultimately if they are present on this site then they have gotten through the first stage of denial and recognize a need for change. Also, instead of relapsing being the stumbling think of it this way.. In my own experience when I am feeling depressed or anxious, or have had too much to drink, I consider myself stumbling, which leads to stumbling upon M with P. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that this behavior is tied to a lot of things that happen in a persons life, it can't be reduced to one choice or one behavior.

 

Keep this thread going. We need tough love. After many "stumbles" the mind will go for checkmate by convincing us that "well, you keep stumbling, I guess there is no hope for you, so why not just flap away and at least enjoy your time." It wants you to never escape. We got to end this scourge of our lives. I believe those that say the brain chemistry will change, it won't always be like this. It takes time, we have to remake every single cell in our body, without the porn.

What always precedes porn? Always, always its a decision to go there - it can always be reduced to that. Porn does not knock on our door, or jump out from around the corner. We are fully responsible for our actions.

 

The only reason I said screw it and started hard mode, was because of the constant relapses from stumbling and pathetic excuses I'd give myself every time.

I've learned my triggers and the worst causes for my relapses, yet if I was slightly stressed or even a bit on edge I would turn to PMO. In the back of my mind I'd know it would be wrong to do it and I'd lose my streak, but it didn't matter what I told myself I'd always lose the battle. In the end it was my fault and no one else's, I consciously chose to give up.

I guess what I'm trying to say for me personally, there's only so many times you can learn from your relapses that it gets to be pointless. Without a bit of self control and mind power whatever I say to myself I'll just end up relapsing again.

It's different for everyone and each relapse should be a learning experience rather than just another relapse. If you don't learn from your mistakes and try to take some sort of action it'll just repeat itself in a cycle.

 

A popular saying among addicts is Progress, not Perfection.

Yes we do decide ultimately to do/not do something that leads us to Relaspe. But the fact is we are also battling an incredibly difficult behavioral addiction that is not created by a substanc (like alcohol or drugs) but a biological process in our biology. Point being, were hard wired to like sex, so PMO is a motherfucker to quit no matter how resolute your will. I've quit cigarettes, cocaine, weed, sugar and those pale in comparison to PMO.

I think the reason we are positive with the Relaspe
Support is that we beat ourselves up plenty when it happens. I had 107 days with no PMO. Thought I was on my way to being golden and all it took was a shitty day, an argument with my SO, a few beers and a text conversation and I was fantasizing which then turned into MO and then PMO.

I was so mad I wanted to fucking hit something till my fists bled. I wanted to slam my head in a door "How could I let that happen? I have better control, don't I? Don't I want to beat this thing?"

Didn't help b/c I binged/stopped/rebooted/binged for a few weeks. Like shipping the dead horses eyes.

 

That's crazy that you think PMO is harder to quit than even that of cigarettes and cocaine... I've never heard them compared.

 

Actually it's true, cocaine addicts have said that stopping PMO was usually harder due to the behavioural aspect. For me, quitting PMO is definitely way harder than when I quit smoking.

 

I see a lot of extremism in these forums. Use the way that best works for you.