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Who else was sexually abused as a child?

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by Deleted Account, Jan 6, 2023.

  1. I was sexually abused from a very young age. The memories that I can remember and haven’t repressed are being forcibly masturbated every day by my babysitter when I was a toddler. They were a pedophile. I’ve struggled with compulsive masturbation since childhood as a result of the trauma. I’d like to share stories. Did your abuse also cause compulsive masturbation? Did or are you doing NoFap Easy Mode instead of normal mode?
     
  2. Pauley

    Pauley Fapstronaut

    Sorry to hear this brother. I can't imagine how hard it must have been to process all this...
     
  3. Sorry to hear this happened to you. If this experience affects badly please reach out to a therapist as strangers on the internet can only help so much.
     
  4. Justasloth

    Justasloth Fapstronaut

    As someone who was sexually assaulted at a young age I fully understand what you are going thru. Never an easy day when those thoughts are in your head. Sending love my fellow warrior!
     
  5. Brain-Police

    Brain-Police Fapstronaut

    I have been abused, and my deepest condolences to you brother. I am sorry you're going through this.
    I too have been sexually abused on 3 occasions, two occasions at the age of 5, and the other occasion at the age of 3, also by a babysitter.
    What sexual abuse does to you --is if your soul, your mind, your essence-- if we all start off with a clean white sheet when we are born, sexual abuse grabs a black permanent marker and knife and scribbles all over and pokes holes through that sheet.
    You can't bring the sheet back to its regular form that you started out with, but you can stitch it back together.
    It won't look the same, or feel the same, but you can heal. This is a cross you have to bear and carry with you for the rest of your life,
    And it'll be hard for it not to taint everything and everyone you come across.
    It makes you weary of love, relationships, sex, thy self, and how you relate to others, how you interact with others,
    How much you let thyself be expressed through words and actions and how you trust people and yourself.
    It marks you for life, and it never leaves you, but you can leave its grip.
    It doesn't have to control you. You can be free from it's jaws, but it takes time and work and honesty.

    I have been doing NoFap since I was 18, since 2013.
    I overcame it in 2017-2018 and was a sharp and very disciplined man until in March 6th, 2018, through a meditation session,
    I did regressive therapy (memory recovery) and discovered something I always knew on a visceral level;
    That I was sexually abused by my uncle at the age of 5.
    I saw myself from the third person's perspective being abused during mediation, later, I broke down crying at the job I had at the time.
    My body convulsed, shook, and I sobbed uncontrollably, my body was shaking this trauma to the surface so that it can finally be dealt with.
    My constant nightmares, night terrors, hallucinations and sleep paralysis episodes were finally given an explanation
    And origin of where it stemmed from, because I thought I was just a disturbed child for no reason.
    I thought it came from my father's beatings.
    I thought I was some kid touched by an alien or some otherworldly life form.
    Not quite.
    When I discovered this and through other meditation sessions, I have found out about the other instances,
    The one with a babysitter, and another instance in another country during vacation by an old lady
    Who happened to be a witch doctor... (this is the memory that's hazy.)
    I no longer shake and tremble when talking about these things, but it still comes up
    And it hurts. Its harder this time around to shake off PMO because of this discovery.
    I am hooked and I am so afraid and intimidated by intimacy with a woman.
    It's been since 2016 since I've been with a woman and I am terrified now due to this horrible affliction.
    This and PMO induced E.D.
    I have performance anxiety now when it wasn't the case before.
    My NoFap journey this time has been very difficult.
    I haven't gone past 8 days, but I am still here trying.

    If you OP, or anyone else here needs anyone to talk to about this, or just wants someone to listen to you and your story, DM me man.
    They've attempted to rob of us our humanity and dehumanize us, but that doesn't mean we have to fight this war alone.
    We are all brothers in the trenches together dodging gunfire, noxious gasses, mortars and disease,
    We bounce off strength off of each other.

    Go to therapy my man, it helps. It helped me.
    And like i said, you need to vent, DM me anytime man.
    You don't have to face this alone.
     
  6. InnerMan

    InnerMan Fapstronaut

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    Amazing story and inspiring that you're still at it against the odds, keep it up! If you can do 8 then you can do 16!
     
  7. Brain-Police

    Brain-Police Fapstronaut

    Thank you man, i appreciate the support and kind words! I definitely won't stop!
     
  8. pancakebaker99

    pancakebaker99 Fapstronaut

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    As a child I experienced COCSA. For those who don't know what that means it stands for child-on-child sexual assault.
    I hesitate to call myself a sexual assault victim since all that really happen is that I got touched inappropriately by other boys.

    One of the boys asked me if I liked it which I wasn't sure I was only in elementary school at the time and didn't really understand sex and was what I consider to be very pure I liked kid stuff animals, video games, toys, and cartoons. The only reason I allowed the touching to happen is that I had no real friends so if this made boys like me I would allow it to happen.

    I had some more encounters in high school one boy would touch me a lot he knew I didn't like it and since he was much stronger than me and into sports, he would prove his strength over me by squeezing my shoulders or my thigh. Another boy tried to force me into the bathroom with him overall I had lots of sexual encounters with other guys which confused me over the years and lead me to watch porn since kids at school talked about it.
     
  9. Brain-Police

    Brain-Police Fapstronaut

    My sincere condolences man, that's horrible.
    That would confuse and mess anybody up.
    We're here for you brother if you need someone to talk to.
    DM me whenever, if you like.
     
  10. Legacy of Lost Soul

    Legacy of Lost Soul Fapstronaut

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    I had similar experiences. It felt like this behavior was all around me. I dont even remember when was the 1st time. It was certainly a men, boy. Not sure who. Who was the 1st one, to make me think its normal. I remember one older friend used to do these things to me, I must jave been like 7 years old I think. But I know he was not the 1st one. Im scared to think the 1st one might have been my older brother. He deffo did some strange things sometimes. But I dont know... all I know is, that I had some homosexual encounters with older boys, friends I guess. And I dont think it was me, who instigated it, at all.

    I also think most of em were victims as well, only replicating the shit, someone did to them. And we were all small kids, so I cant hold a grudge against em.

    Fucked up world it is for sure.

    Stay strong you all.

    It deffo had some effects on me. I went thru a lot of shit in my youth, so I cant point one one thing and say "thats the reason why.."

    But I ended up being compulsive masturbator. And I used a lot of drugs. Just to cope. Subconsciously self medicating myself. For decades. Than, one day, I decided to end all my addictions, 7 years ago.

    Weed, alcohol, cigarettes, coffee, PMO, other drugs, stuff I dont even remember. 7 days after, I found these forums and joined under now defunct nick. And went thru the brutal detox here, some ppl helped. The journal is still here. I though I will be free..

    I was wrong.

    Because soon after that, in like 1 year, I started to feel REALLY BAD. That was because I removed all coping and numbing mechanisms, and the suppressed stuff started to come to surface. But not in a form of concrete memories, something clear to understand. No.. it was just depression, pain, mysery, suicidal ideas... it was DARK. Im not beyond that, 7 years later.. its a long process.

    So I will repeat myself

    Stay strong and never give up!!!!
     
    Last edited: Feb 5, 2023
    The Last Chance and Brain-Police like this.
  11. Exponential Power

    Exponential Power Fapstronaut

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    I had never heard of COCSA (the acronym). It happened to me. I was 7 and he was 12. He asked to touched me and asked me to touched him. I didn't know it was inappropriate so I agreed. He threatened me if I told anyone. The threat of violence seemed the most traumatic at the time. There were 3 incidents total. The last time he didn't want me to touch him. He said I couldn't do it right. I felt rejected. I think I'm still processing 36 years later. I do think it affected my sexuality. I found this article explaining it:
    https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...isorientation-male-sexual-abuse-survivors#_=_
     
  12. Brain-Police

    Brain-Police Fapstronaut

    How is everybody doing with this?
    Does anyone here feel like they have support at home about this?
     
  13. tom77886622

    tom77886622 New Fapstronaut

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    Hey I'm brand new here but I was kinda looking for this topic. I was sexually abused by our maid when I was very young. I don't remember much of how it happened or what happened, but I do remember getting frequently bathed by her and having my mouth covered and/or being constricted within clothing. I'm not entirely sure how soon after but I began to grind on things until orgasm nearly everyday and continued to do so until I kinda figured out how to properly masturbate in my teens. I know pretty damn weird. Then again by an acquaintance's older brother in elementary when I went over to his house. I remember that one vividly and was uncomfortable with being naked in any way around anyone for the longest time. I'd rather not get into too much detail about either, but what I will say is that both times I ended up turning parts of the events into kinks which now make me kinda hate the women I have sex with and just makes me wanna die every time I masturbate with or without porn. I really don't know what to do man. It just seems like a never ending cycle.
     
    Brain-Police likes this.

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