Who has tried switching from nice guy to normal human being?

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by Paper, May 9, 2019.

  1. Paper

    Paper Fapstronaut

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    So I am reading No More Mr.Nice guy, and I understand, that I was too nice all my life, I tried to please everyone and be perfect in front of everyone.
    I started trying to be more direct and more self-centered, and I am starting to like this.
    My question is: If you have tried switching from good boy to bad boy, how it felt, what changed and how you live now?
     
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  2. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    It's important to note that there's a difference between someone that tries to please people out of insecurity and someone who is genuinely a kind person.

    The person that tries to please people is someone that's trying to manipulate others to like them. They behave in ways that they think other people will like them for. It's a way to hide who they really are in order to avoid being vulnerable and to avoid being rejected. It has hidden intentions. It's performing and convincing someone to be interested in you.

    You can be a kind person that has strong values, self respect, and is able to be assertive.

    If there's one thing I'd like Dr. Glover to change is for him to find a different terminology. Rather than using the word "nice". It seems to lead too many people to think that all they have to do is become a bad boy and treat others like shit. People pleasers who are bitter from years of not getting what they want and being treated negatively (rightfully so since they themselves are trying to manipulate with hidden intentions) generally want revenge by becoming the person that treats others negatively.

    It's not so much that you have to be self centered. It's that you have to be willing to let go of people that aren't interested in who you are and move on to people that are interested in who you are. No manipulation / deception / hidden intentions / people pleasing / acting in a way that you think other people will like you for. Because if you start behaving like a self centered prick who thinks being a bad boy is how to get people / women to be interested... that's still people pleasing out of insecurity... that's still not expressing who you are out of fear of being rejected... that's still trying to manipulate how others perceive you because you can't handle people who naturally doesn't resonate with you not being interested in you.
     
  3. ryan23

    ryan23 Fapstronaut

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    You hit the nail on the head, my friend!

     
  4. Stitch 626

    Stitch 626 Fapstronaut

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    Trying to stop being a pleaser here.
     
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  5. I have. I don't really agree with the way you phrased it because being weak and spineless is not good and being assertive and confident is not bad. It feels great and I feel like a different person. The process was very gradual but I feel a hundred pounds lighter because the weight of having frequent anxiety that comes from worrying about how people will perceive me and worrying about how im measuring up to other people's expectations is not there anymore. Now that I'm able to enjoy interacting with people instead of stressing about how they see me, it's easier to connect with them.

    I've realized for a while now that people are going to like you or not and worrying about how people see you and actively trying too hard to influence them by pleasing them or acting cool to impress them is going to make you look fake, weird or weak which is going to make them even less likely to want to interact with you.
     
  6. Marcelo48

    Marcelo48 Fapstronaut

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    Don't try to become a "bad boy", it will fire back on your ass and you'll look like a moron.
    Just start to make an effort to not be a doormat, it will go a long way for you trust me. The trick here is to follow the book suggestions (for example) while "being yourself", as in not being a fake persona like most of your PUA internet warriors in real life.
     
  7. Male38

    Male38 Fapstronaut

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    me2 great book, fuck them I'm number one
     
  8. You cant change. You can just wake up one morning a say" you know what im not gonna be beta male provider anymore".
     
  9. 1978

    1978 Fapstronaut

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    Absolutely spot on. This is something I have learned over the years. I used to be the nice guy that got walked over. These days I am a bit more assertive.

    It's about having the ability put forward your views and not be walked over, but without being nasty.

    You have to feel your way through each individual situation. Occasionally you may be required to be a bit more aggressive, but you should pick your battles carefully. Being confident in yourself means knowing you have the ability to be aggressive occasionally when it's required, but choosing to keep it under control most of the time.

    If you are aggressive with everyone all the time, soon you will be aggressive with the wrong person and it will end badly for you.

    In most situations, you should be able to make it known to people that you are not a pushover without actually being nasty. You can be friendly but assertive. You can stand tall with your shoulders back and your head up and look people in the eye as equals. You're not there to dominate them but to co-operate with them fairly so you you both win.
     
  10. I would highly disagree with this statement all day. Becoming a PUA Duche is not advisable but it would be a grave mistake for any guy of any age to discount all of the PUA material. As wacky as some of those guys come off most of that material is based on human sexaul psycholology.

    I've read books on human sexual psychology, books on human social evolution and books on human body language for communication and some of the PUA material I've read gives a great general summary for guidelines for human interaction.

    I could go on another vacation if I had a dollar every time someone posted a " How come no one likes me and I havent been laid in five year threads", I suggest PUA and I always get some kind of negative response.
    -PUA material I've read gives a complete explanation of the human social heirarchy and plainly and simply breaks down the basics of human social interaction
    -PUA explains why that lack of confidence makes it hard to connect with women and actually provides practical steps on how to get past these issues
    PUA explains why being super nice to women doesnt get you any where
    -PUA perfectly explains why that girl they're all obsessed with just banged some asshole and provides some practical tips for engaging girls they're dating

    I don't condone being fake or a duche bag but it's stupid to disregard information that can help you become more socially successful.
     
  11. I have switched from Mr. Nice guy to Mr. Right. It wasn't something conscious, it wasn't a decision I made. I started to serve in the military, and before I knew it - my outlook had changed. I could no longer tolerate bullshit. I became an in your face kind of person, and if I thought something was wrong - I wasn't afraid to state it and stick behind my reasoning. Fear vanquished and all that remained was morality.

    My mothers partner( in a way my stepfather, though not really, I've never accepted him as such) used to beat and abuse my mother. One weekend I was allowed to go home and I came to visit them, and as I laid in bed I heard him picking on her yet again, verbally abusing her.

    I jumped out of the bed, stormed downstairs, grabbed him by his throat, rammed him against the wall and as I held him in my grasp I told him that from this day forth he will cut the shit and mind his own business, and if my mother ever again tells me that he abused her - I will beat the living shit out of him. I came back a couple weeks later, got very drunk on the way, he was drinking beer and chilling in the terrace.

    I said hi, walked into the house, said hello to my mother and the first thing I asked her was - is he treating you right? She withdrew, and told me that it's as bad as it always was. I didn't say anything, turned around and walked back into the terrace. I stood beside him, looked him in the eye, he paused whatever he was watching and looked back at me. What - he asked. I told him - I though we had an understanding, I thought I told you what would happen if you didn't let my mother be at peace. He told me to fuck off. I grabbed him by his head, threw him down the terrace steps, dragged him on the lawn and started beating the shit out of him. He punched me in the face a few times( I never did) - I told him: So, this is how you want this to play out... and started punching and kicking him with full force. My mother ran out of the house, jumped on top of him and begged me to stop. I did. Turned around and went to sleep. He never beat or verbally abused my mother again.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 12, 2019
  12. I say - fuck Mr. Nice. Mr. Normal too. Mr. Right is where it's at. You owe yourself to be honest with yourself, and be the man you want to be.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 12, 2019
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  13. kelvin muema

    kelvin muema Fapstronaut

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    Yes I have and I felt guilty af, but after sometime I realized that it is important to put ourselves first and be our first priority.
     
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  14. Kratos_GOW

    Kratos_GOW Fapstronaut

    Just remember one thing boy,
    Normal ppl - please everyone
    REAL Men - Don't Care.
     
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  15. MuscularSherlockHolmes

    MuscularSherlockHolmes Fapstronaut

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    I have rather went the other route. I now do what is right, I don't cross any limits on either side. I help when I can, and I refuse when I see it wouldn't be any good.
     
  16. I'm so going to read that book
     
  17. I was very disappointed that Dr Aziz is a different person to this one:

    [​IMG]
     
  18. elmma

    elmma New Fapstronaut

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    It seems to me that everyone has their own opinion
     
  19. plzrlzme

    plzrlzme Fapstronaut

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    SURREAL Men - Lobster Telephone.
     
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