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Who is pursuing full abstinence? I am on the journey and want to share/ask a question

Discussion in 'Abstinence, Retention, and Sexual Transmutation' started by Secret Habit, Nov 21, 2018.

  1. Secret Habit

    Secret Habit Fapstronaut

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    I struggled for 14 years with porn addiction and masturbated almost every day... The effects were awful and they destroyed me and almost my marriage.

    I am on a journey now, 15 months clean from porn and masturbation and I am pursuing total abstinence. My reason:

    I notice my marriage is much better without both - I have more energy when I put my sexual energy into my Wife and not my penis. I still do struggle with a sexual mind and its something that will take time to heal so totally cutting out porn and masturbation are very key for me. I don't have any problem with it, I really feel its the right thing to do.

    I do want to learn more about why people think masturbation is healthy... Not just that it feels good and apparently is good for this or that but truly, I want to know, who can actually get hard and play with their penis without a sexual thought? It seems impossible for me so I want to know and learn

    Just for the record - This thread was to be about no porn, masturbation, or orgasm outside of marriage, then orgasm is healthy when done in the marriage bed

    Thanks everyone
     
    Last edited: Nov 23, 2018
  2. Porn itself can be very damaging, as it can change our mindset on how we view things such as (women,our thoughts, and to crave more sexual desire) but porn useage is something that some people are able to control into their lifestyle but with small negative side effects but not as big if it turned into a addiction since it can also be turned into a addiction. We relied on it to give us comfort when something damaging has happened in our lives or replace it with something to help us relieve stress in a unhealthy way. Porn was in my life since I was a kid but it was normal but further into my life I used it more and more and it became a priority in a way to give me comfort which led to a addiction and slowly changed my mindset in a unhealthy way along the way in. Porn itself can be controlled but it’s like people like us who used it more often than we should or used it to suppressed some guilt deeper than we know.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 21, 2018
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  3. gagate

    gagate Fapstronaut

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    I'm on a journey on complete abstinence, even mindwise and im quite good at it
     
    Secret Habit likes this.
  4. gagate

    gagate Fapstronaut

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    With your wife focus on love, love kills all the sexual desire, the pure love, you can't be lustful and at the same time feel love, or at the very least a lower degree of "love"

    So take the commitment to love your wife to love her in the purest way possible.

    That's again in my opinion, the strongest way of eradicating sexual desire from your mind.

    Sexual desire is a lower desire, Love is a higher desire, both cannot cohexist, in truth i tell you, if you would realize true divine love a relationship would become pointless, that happens when you realize the divine is in every single living being, so you love the divine and at the same time every single living being equally, but that's just my experience.
     
  5. Secret Habit

    Secret Habit Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the thought my friend

    I cant say I agree with this from my own perspective and belief but I appreciate your thought, insight, and comment

    If you want to elaborate on why you think this, we could have a chat regarding it but I dont want to post my opinion without it being called for :)
     
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  6. Secret Habit

    Secret Habit Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the insight - I agree with the love aspect as there is nothing greater than love - Which is wy I follow Jesus for my own personal story

    I thank you for your encouragement to continue on this love journey!

    What do you do to "practise" love? Especially to those who do wrong against you or challenge you in a way that causes fear or pride to get int the way?
     
  7. gagate

    gagate Fapstronaut

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    Personally my Love grew at a Higher level when I realized the Omnipresence of God, Christianity might be good for a while until you get to a higher degree of truth, you need to realize that God made things so perfect that it's within everything, but that goes against christianity as christianity claims there is separation between the creature and creator, but that doesn't make any sense in first place as if you are the supreme being omnipresence is required, the divine made all perfect, but because of our limited ego we can't see the bigger picture and the higher perspective. I could go on with countless examples. I would say in order to grow your love realize that the divine is everywhere, in plants, animals, human beings and even physical objects, train yourself to see the divine in everyone and everything AND feel the unity with everything, there's no separation, it's an illusion, that's where the real love kicks in and literally destroys the sexual desire.
     
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  8. Davidphd1866

    Davidphd1866 Fapstronaut

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    I think this is one of the best threads yet. The discussion on a higher plane is helpful for me.

    I, too, seek permanent abstinence. While I have a VERY long way to go in order to get there, I believe it will be best for me--and my spouse--even if SHE doesn't make the same effort. How I treat HER will only help our marriage.

    If a wife TRULY and perfectly loved her husband, she would never let him inside her vagina. If a man TRULY and perfectly loved his wife, he would never seek to put his penis there. (the exception possibly being for procreation, but even then, perhaps the actual conception could be done externally...but that's a different matter)
     
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  9. Secret Habit

    Secret Habit Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for this @gagate

    I am not understanding your statement, can you please help clarify for me to understand what you mean. Feel free to send it in a PM if it goes against the NoFap rulings of conversation. I want to know what you mean when you say Christianity is not the highest degree of truth. It seems like you are leaving out Jesus, who is love and who is truth, so I am wondering if you are talking about a different God?

    Thank you in advance
     
  10. Davidphd1866

    Davidphd1866 Fapstronaut

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    This is an excellent statement. One can differ on who/what the "divine" is, but I believe most would agree that the Divine is everywhere. And I agree about the illusory part. As I mentioned above, in a case of true and pure love, there'd be no "sex". Sex is really a form of dominance and submission wrapped in a veneer of love.
     
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  11. Secret Habit

    Secret Habit Fapstronaut

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    Hey thanks for the comment - I do agree with how YOU treat her is everything, regardless of what she does in return.

    I am confused by your statements as my position here was regarding porn and masturbation, maybe a misunderstanding.

    Can you please help me understand your position here regarding intercourse? I don't quite understand where you would get this sort of idea so I would like to know

    Thank you
     
  12. gagate

    gagate Fapstronaut

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    Think about it, sexual lust turns another individual into your object of pleasure, whilst love gives life to your object of attention, like some individuals worshipping an object/stuatue
     
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  13. Davidphd1866

    Davidphd1866 Fapstronaut

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    Precisely. I don't see how it is possible to "attain and erection" and shove it inside another person's body and not call that lust.

    Alas, my condition is a particular challenge. I seek total abstinence and my wife sincerely desires that for me--because loves how I subsequently treat her. Yet, she sees no value in attaining the abstinence herself. The results of that one can easily imagine.
     
    Jonny123 likes this.
  14. Secret Habit

    Secret Habit Fapstronaut

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    Lust is inward focused, Love, is outward focused

    Simple as that my friend
     
  15. Jonny123

    Jonny123 Fapstronaut

    I need help with total abstinence!
     
  16. Davidphd1866

    Davidphd1866 Fapstronaut

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    Although I think it's useful to go back to the original post you had: I think we all agree that porn and masturbation are wrong and unhelpful. The question beyond that is more challenging.
     
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  17. Jonny123

    Jonny123 Fapstronaut

    I am resetting my counters ( Have been away a few months) Have managed ok this past 2 weeks. I think total abstinence is the way to go - lets do it!
     
  18. Davidphd1866

    Davidphd1866 Fapstronaut

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    Well done Jonny.......If you managed to this long without PMO, you are well on your way. Get right back on the saddle and keep going!
     
  19. Jonny123

    Jonny123 Fapstronaut

    Thanks so much David. It is good to be back
     
    Secret Habit likes this.
  20. The divine is not everywhere... look at things which are horrific (killings, torture, rape, wars etc) I wouldnt call that divine. Of course its a part of Creation as well, but i dont see that as divine. More as humans making a mess of it...

    My personal believe is that the Divine can be found in Nature. If i can align myself to my true authentic, natural state (maybe with Nature's help, to bring me back to that state) i feel like thats when one can really find peace & God.

    Not in self destructive behaviour, unclean living, but in natural living, respecting everything the Natural world has to offer.
     

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