Who likes their sexuality?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by beagle, Feb 19, 2020.

What best describes your opinion about your sexuality?

  1. I love it and have found a sustainably healthy way to live with it

  2. I am OFTEN happy with it and have found a sustainably healthy way to live with it

  3. I am OFTEN happy with it but haven't yet found a sustainably healthy sexuality

  4. I am SOMETIMES happy with it and have found a sustainably healthy way to live with it

  5. I am SOMETIMES happy with it but haven't yet found a sustainably healthy sexuality

  6. I am RARELY happy with it but have found a sustainably healthy way to live with it

  7. I am RARELY happy with it and haven't yet found a sustainably healthy sexuality

  8. I fucking hate it and I don't know what a healthy sexuality is

Results are only viewable after voting.
  1. beagle

    beagle Fapstronaut

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    This question likely betrays an immaturity in me, but it's an honest question I have. I personally fucking hate my sexuality.

    Who is genuinely happy with their sexuality, their libido, and how they deal with all those urges in life? Can you share how you got to that spot or paste links to posts that discuss this?

    What I mainly want to know is what does a sustainable healthy sexuality look like? If I'm in a place where I'm not in a relationship and having sex, then do I have to resign myself to just forever ignoring and suppressing my urges? An obvious alternative to complete refrain from any type of orgasm is to masturbate (without porn), but what I find is that the chaser effect kicks in and it isn't too soon until either a) the frequency of my masturbation increases too much or b) I start going back to porn to get the higher dopamine rush.

    I know that the question of what a sustainable healthy sexuality looks like will vary from person to person, but that's what I'm curious about -- what do sustainable healthy sexualities look like for other people that actually like their sexuality, or at the very least don't hate it?

    By "sustainable healthy sexuality", I mean a pattern of sexual practices (or lack of them) that you can reasonably maintain for years at a time. (Thus, I'm not as interested in success stories from reboots less than a year.)
     
  2. Muddyfarm

    Muddyfarm New Fapstronaut

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    I am ok with being a man. But I feel stripped from everything because of my addiction . I can’t ever have a normal relationship or anything with anyone because my addiction owns me pretty hard.
     
  3. AntiqueRevolverGuy

    AntiqueRevolverGuy Fapstronaut

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    A healthy sexuality, defined by me, is one where you confidently and shamelessly express with a partner that you already passionately love.
    All these other activities, like masturbating to porn, kill and modify your ability to give that love.
    From a biological perspective, all sexuality is is Lifes' insurance that it'll live on continuously and forever. A subject making copies of itself, with another subject with genes that former subject is attracted to. Making a synthesis of both subjects, and produced subject does the same thing. And it continues on for millions of generations.
    A lot of our psychology is programmed deep down to sacrifice so much for the cost of sexuality.
    All in all, it's a complex subject and it almost requires a whole hours worth of conversation to fully present everything.
    I believe we have souls, and do I think our sexuality ascends to this spiritual level? Yes, because for a proper sexual relationship to exist, there must already be trust and passion given to another person. And such feelings definitely ascend our mortal frame as they feel so powerful.
    Do I know myself sexually? Yes. Am I entirely at acceptance with it? Yes. Am I prepared for the consequences of it? That's what my journy on NoFap is going to help me decide. Am I ready for the rewards of it? That's for NoFap to decide.
     
    beagle and Muddyfarm like this.
  4. The other way around, because you have problems forming relationships - you are abusing.
    If you had strong relationships they would be the very force that would strongly motivate you to avoid abuse.

    You seem not to see how motivation to act works. So let me illustrate with simple example -
    If you are in a car driving and you see someone has a flat tire, you will likely continue without giving it a second thought.
    However if it is your friend on the side of the road with a flat tire, all of a sudden things change, you stop and help.
    Same situation - but very different behavior.
    Somehow having a friend made you a better, more responsible and motivated person, cool right?
     
    Optimum Fortitude likes this.
  5. Answer to your question is in the question itself.
    Your sex life is healthy, when you are in good emotional, physical and health.
    If you are honest about your health and you honestly monitor and examine how you are doing - you will know if you are not in good health and some changes need to take place.
    And again if you are honest about effects changes you make have on your health you will know if you got better or worse after you made them.
    Depression is an common health issue that often points to need for significant changes in life.

    The trick is being honest, thats where people make shortcuts.
    People assume they are healthy, without speaking with a doctor...

    If you have symptoms that you believe are caused by poor habits in sex, then change them and see if they disapear and health improves.
    And if they do not disapear - you have to be honest and say - that was not the problem, I need to change some other area of life.
     
    beagle and AntiqueRevolverGuy like this.
  6. I am a man and I am very okay and happy with my sexuality , look dude , you are a man , you have x and y chromosome , you can never be something else even if u do surgery , you will never be ultimate happy by changing sexuality , but I have very good news for you , if you really wanna find a solution for your problem , think 1 more time , again and again of the positive things about your sexuality , surround your self by positive and successful males , do beautiful things together , lastly think only about the good things about your gender . I am not against you and I do not know you but I hope that I can somehow help you .
     
  7. beagle

    beagle Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for sharing, I like the way you describe a healthy sexuality.

    I'm curious, could you elaborate more on how you got to a place where you came to acceptance with your sexuality?
     
  8. beagle

    beagle Fapstronaut

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    Perhaps my question was a bit misleading. I'm not struggling with how to deal with feelings like being the opposite sex. I'm a straight man and I don't feel any pressure to not be that. My question is more on the nature of the repetitiveness of sexual urges. I hate it how these urges are things that repeat themselves so that the end result if you're never in a state of satisfaction.
     
  9. @beagle sorry for misunderstanding , my way of dealing with ( repetitiveness of sexual urges ) is to accept our them , they are made natuarly while being not busy , and while doing something we do not like , or while being with a sexy women . so if we do something that we realy love to do without the present of sexy Womens , we will not have any urges . but if we were forced to get ( repetitiveness of sexual urges ) then we say that it is okay and go do something else (repeat that) , those imaginations are okay because they means that we are living human being who has normal sexual lust and healthy brain by the way . our lust toward sex is like something that bites us continuously (something attached to us) ,we always have porn imaginations in our minds unless we force our selves to be busy with something else .
     
  10. i hate my sexuality. being straight is a perversion in my case. i would be much better off being gay since only men show interest in me
     
  11. AntiqueRevolverGuy

    AntiqueRevolverGuy Fapstronaut

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    If only I could have men show interest in me again, I might become Bi-sexual and go with it.
    But still if I was half the man I could be, I wouldn't even have to be here.
     
  12. im not gay sadly
     
  13. Interesting and good question... I'm actually even more intrigued by the answers from others. Send to mostly be at either end of the scale so far.

    I went with "sometimes happy nut sustainable" in the end. I'm more comfortable with myself now that I've dropped the pmo part which was definitely skewering my sexuality in a bad way. However, still don't feel like the relationship I'm in fully satisfies every sexual need I truly have. Which is a hard thing to admit to, being married for 17 years. We're just not that synced up sexually now.

    @Ronila and @AntiqueRevolverGuy got it right I think.. if you can be honest about your sexual desires to a partner without fear or shame our guilt then that would constitute a sustainable sexuality.

    Even after 17 years and a trusting marriage, sadly there are still things that we funny seen to be able to discuss openly.

    Feeling a bit of a downer from all that... in a plus side, the Quitting pmo has made the sex live we have a lot better and more fulfilling than before.
     
    Deleted Account and beagle like this.
  14. Breadman

    Breadman Fapstronaut

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    I am fine with my sexuality. I’m 71. What I’ve learned about sex is it serves different purposes in life. I have tried to use it to prove my manhood when young, for exploration, for release of frustration, for affirmation of love, for procreation (which has been the best use I’ve found) now with my wife of almost 47 years vaginal sex is painful for her as well as her climaxing. She is not generally interested still she is open to oral and M-ing me every month or so. It seems to me you have to keep adjusting your sails with sex. Learning to adjust to the winds keeps it fresh.
     
    Deleted Account and beagle like this.
  15. beagle

    beagle Fapstronaut

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    It seems like a lot of the responses given rely on a shared experience with a partner. That just really sucks for people who don't have a partner. But to @Ronila 's point, a healthy sustainable sexuality happens when one has emotional and physical health. Hmmm, so does that mean sustainable sexual health is just an illusion? If it ultimately is dependent on emotional and physical health status, then it seems like there's nothing to it. But there are still the consistent urges that come. How do you deal with that when you don't have a partner? That being said, I have been struggling with depression recently.

    @Jonnyb4 Thanks for being honest about what your experience is after 17 years of marriage. I'd rather have honesty that's a bit down than nothing at all.

    @Breadman I'd love to be at a place where I'd only need to masturbate or something on a "every month or so" basis. How did you adjust yourself to get there? Or did it partially happen somewhat naturally?
     
  16. Breadman

    Breadman Fapstronaut

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    The realization happened very slowly much of it happened in the last two and a half years on Nofap. So much happened to me that I had no control of and it was learning to accept it but giving up porn was the thing that made it clearest. Some of it was just aging, some humility and some just being forced on me. Learning to live with the mystery of sex and working on what was real love, letting go of guilt and shame and seeing the importance of connection. Thinking about “the
    other”, in my case my wife. You know what they say, old too soon, smart too late. There is so much more to life than sex.
     
  17. Urges pass. Next time you get an urge, make a mental note of it. Or even write it down, perhaps on paper rather than on a computer, to be safer.

    Then go and do something distracting.

    After a while, ask yourself do you still have an urge? Probably not. If you do have an urge, it's probably a different kind of urge. You're probably not craving the same exact thing you were craving earlier.
     
  18. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    Honestly I'm at the point where I hate my sexuality, I wish I could make myself asexual so I could get on with my life without this addiction hanging over my head. Its hard not to feel like PMO has basically ruined any chance I had of being normal.
     
  19. Breadman

    Breadman Fapstronaut

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    There’s no normal. You just have to find your way.
     
  20. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    Idk man its kinda hard to think like this when I'm in the situation I'm in, addicted to PMO, able to go on long streaks but unable to do much more than that, having wasted so much time already on something that has ruined my sexual function.
     

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