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Why a sexually active person turns to PMO?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Talalelsayed, Feb 25, 2019.

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  1. Feb 25, 2019 #1
    Talalelsayed

    Talalelsayed Fapstronaut

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    Hello everybody,
    I am 27y/o, i was addict since i was 15, now i am starting PMO free journey from 3+ weeks.
    I am still virgin but i have a question to those who are sexually active, we as virgins play with our thing or watch porn cause there is a sexual drive that we need to express it in some way -whether it is right or not- but really i wander what makes a married man who has a wife that satisfies his natural drives in a healthy way turns to some pictures, and instead of having his thing in the right place he plays with his hand??
     
    Talalelsayed, Feb 25, 2019
    Talalelsayed, Feb 25, 2019
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  2. Feb 25, 2019 #2
    C.HNF

    C.HNF Fapstronaut

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    A simple answer to your question would be dopamine fix. Basically, normal sexual intercourse does not give them that "high", that is, very low dopamine release compared to PMOing. That's why they resort to PMOing to get their dopamine fix.
     
    C.HNF, Feb 25, 2019
    C.HNF, Feb 25, 2019
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  3. Feb 25, 2019 #3
    Talalelsayed

    Talalelsayed Fapstronaut

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    I have no experience, but why don't he have more than on intercourse as long as he still feels he needs more, if he still can get erction and stamina then put it in the right place
     
    Talalelsayed, Feb 25, 2019
    Talalelsayed, Feb 25, 2019
    #3
    C.HNF likes this.
  4. Feb 25, 2019 #4
    C.HNF

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    Well, this is as far as my knowledge expands. LOL I too am virgin so I can't answer that :v .
     
    C.HNF, Feb 25, 2019
    C.HNF, Feb 25, 2019
    #4
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  5. Feb 25, 2019 #5
    4DCreator

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    I had the hottest girl out there for 5 years and we had sex and other crazy things quite often and there was a loooads of dopamine released in me with her and also oxytocin, but I had a stronger sexual drive as she had so I had to supplement with porn to keep my balance in the gaps when she didn't want sex. That's my explanation.
     
    4DCreator, Feb 25, 2019
    4DCreator, Feb 25, 2019
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  6. Feb 25, 2019 #6
    JipJap

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    The answer to this is what's known as the coolidge effect. No real woman can compete with the endless novelty porn offers, unfortunately.
     
    JipJap, Feb 25, 2019
    JipJap, Feb 25, 2019
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  7. Feb 25, 2019 #7
    Talalelsayed

    Talalelsayed Fapstronaut

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    May i ask you, do you feel you need to PMO or even only M after finishing a relation or that goes only when your girl is not ready?
     
    Talalelsayed, Feb 25, 2019
    Talalelsayed, Feb 25, 2019
    #7
  8. Feb 25, 2019 #8
    Talalelsayed

    Talalelsayed Fapstronaut

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    I am afraid this means my brain is destroyed by this effect, i hope it will be reversed. I remember myself watching sometimes two or three videos of diff stars before ejaculating.

    OMG i hope this resolves
     
    Talalelsayed, Feb 25, 2019
    Talalelsayed, Feb 25, 2019
    #8
  9. Feb 25, 2019 #9
    ImpureHuman

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    Explanation or excuse??
     
    ImpureHuman, Feb 25, 2019
    ImpureHuman, Feb 25, 2019
    #9
  10. Feb 25, 2019 #10
    4DCreator

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    I gave an answer to the given question, any problem?
     
    4DCreator, Feb 25, 2019
    4DCreator, Feb 25, 2019
    #10
  11. Feb 25, 2019 #11
    4DCreator

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    After finishing the relationship PMO became my main self-medication of sadness and loss. Therefore I am trying to get rid of it completely and build life a different way.
     
    4DCreator, Feb 25, 2019
    4DCreator, Feb 25, 2019
    #11
  12. Feb 25, 2019 #12
    ImpureHuman

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    This was the expected answer. Not "any problem?"
     
    ImpureHuman, Feb 25, 2019
    ImpureHuman, Feb 25, 2019
    #12
  13. Feb 25, 2019 #13
    4DCreator

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    I am sorry I don't understand your way of expressing your opinions. Are you irritated or something?
     
    4DCreator, Feb 25, 2019
    4DCreator, Feb 25, 2019
    #13
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  14. Feb 25, 2019 #14
    Jefe Rojo

    Jefe Rojo Moderator Assistant Staff Member Moderator Assistant

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    I’m married and the answer I will give you (based on my own experience) is that it takes both the husband and the wife to make sex a reality. I’m always ready for sex but my wife isn’t. Differing sex drives can be extremely frustrating. Also, circumstances such as pregnancy or menstrual cycle can disrupt or even postpone sex for several months (I went 8 months without sex this last pregnancy and unfortunately I turned to MO / PMO to deal with my sex drive). Married women, especially those who have children, are sometimes extremely exhausted / worried and the last thing on their mind is sex. If you are considerate of your wife’s feelings you don’t force yourself on her, which I don’t. So getting married does not solve the PMO issue. It helps for sure as you have companionship and sex (sometimes). But what it comes down to is that our sex drives need to be controlled, no matter the circumstances. Once I hit 90 days I’m considering going into hard mode for the next 90 days so that I can prove to myself that I don’t have an addiction to sex and so I can explore non sexual ways of being intimate with my wife. Hope this helps.
     
    Jefe Rojo, Feb 25, 2019
    Jefe Rojo, Feb 25, 2019
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  15. Feb 25, 2019 #15
    Talalelsayed

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    Sorry, i wrote it wrong, i mean after you finish a complete sexual intercourse with a real woman, do you feel urge to PMO?
     
    Talalelsayed, Feb 25, 2019
    Talalelsayed, Feb 25, 2019
    #15
  16. Feb 25, 2019 #16
    Talalelsayed

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    I know it is not possible for women to be always ready, i can understand the frustration of being married and deprived of sexual intercourse, but i am really gaining new experiences from this forum and from you and all the others. I had an idea that i must stop addiction before marriage and after this i will not worry about porn cause i have a girl.

    I have to rearrange my cards now and prepare myself for different strategy.
     
    Talalelsayed, Feb 25, 2019
    Talalelsayed, Feb 25, 2019
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  17. Feb 25, 2019 #17
    4DCreator

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    No, at all, never. Sexual intercourse was always number one for me and porn was only a substitute for sexual boredom when gf didn't want sex. Many times I was even using her pics for masturbating. After having good sex with ex-gf it always took at least 2 full days after I would start to watch some porn. I have never been "addicted" to porn when I had a good sex life.
     
    4DCreator, Feb 25, 2019
    4DCreator, Feb 25, 2019
    #17
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  18. Feb 25, 2019 #18
    Jefe Rojo

    Jefe Rojo Moderator Assistant Staff Member Moderator Assistant

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    You’re doing a great job educating yourself. Just take my advice when I say that no matter what stage of life you are in, Porn will never be an appropriate part of it. You cannot dabble in it, it will ruin you no matter if you are young, old, married or single. Stay away from it as you would a terrible disease. I wish you the best on your journey to recovery. :)
     
    Jefe Rojo, Feb 25, 2019
    Jefe Rojo, Feb 25, 2019
    #18
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  19. Feb 25, 2019 #19
    Deleted Account

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    You make two assumptions. 1. That porn is used by virgins because it is an outlet for sexual drive. 2. That married people or people with partners get the amount, frequency etc. of sexual activity they desire.

    I would argue porn is used in my case to cope with insecurities, fears, negative emotions, to numb myself, to escape, anything but actually satisfy genuine sexual desire. Also from reading these forums, many people in relationships do not get the sex they want or in the amount they want. It takes two people and they aren't always willing and/or able.

    You ask a good question though. To the man without nice shoes, nice shoes look good. To the man without shoes, any shoes look good. To the man without feet, problems about shoes seem nice to have....then there is a man without legs.
     
    Deleted Account, Feb 25, 2019
    Deleted Account, Feb 25, 2019
    #19
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  20. Feb 25, 2019 #20
    Muhammad the Great

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    *See Side Effects Below*
     
    Muhammad the Great, Feb 25, 2019
    Muhammad the Great, Feb 25, 2019
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