Why Am I Constantly Having Urges?!

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Malik Jaffar, Jul 15, 2014.

  1. Malik Jaffar

    Malik Jaffar Fapstronaut

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    It is driving me crazy. Every hour of the day is like some kind of world war. It goes away when I go outside but the urges hit me right back when I come back in. And obviously, I can't stay outside all day. What the hell should I do? All advice is appreciated.
     
  2. Basic Plains

    Basic Plains Fapstronaut

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    a lot of the fight is a mental fight. you need to realize that you will not be able to be outside or get away whenever EVERY single urge happens. you need to have a mental ace in the hole. something you can tell yourself when those urges come up that will turn you off. maybe make a list of reason why you are trying to quit, commit it to memory and when you have an urge rerun those reason through your mind. I hope this helps a little.
     
  3. coolmike87

    coolmike87 Fapstronaut

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    Your automatic counter says you've only got one day brother. Don't sweat it. It gets a little better every day. Research addictions in general. This is no different than any other addiction. You'll always have the temptation and some things will trigger it worse than others even if you abstain for a year. But trust me, I'm in recovery from alot of other addictions. The more time that goes by. The more you heal. You have to fight it man. This is a fight for your life, for your happiness.
     
  4. fapadonna

    fapadonna Fapstronaut

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    I am having a hard time this evening. Spent some time in the hot tub & steam room at the gym today. The heat felt good on the muscles but it got the blood flowing tonight. Guess I need a cold shower.
    Coolmike is right. You gotta fight it! you gotta be pissed off
     
  5. Hotshot

    Hotshot Fapstronaut

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    I think a lot of urges to do things are based upon habit. I'll use my eating as an example. I lost 65 lbs [250 > 185] about a year and a half ago. My old ritual was to come into work and immediately pillage the cabinets for food. I would eat anything and everything I wanted and that would contribute to overeating which was the issue for me with my weight. One major thing that I had to overcome was changing that habit of eating immediately as soon as I walked through the door. So instead of entering the upstairs door, I began entering the downstairs door. It changed my habit in a very small manner, yet felt like an entirely new place even though it was the same.

    I've found that to change a habit you need to literally change your actions. Not just go about it aimlessly. Take a step towards a change so you can measure progress. If everytime you PMO you do the same thing. Come back in the house go straight to your room ect... Why not consider doing something else as soon as you enter the house... like getting a cup of water or something to create a new habit. Preferably not an unhealthy habit. lol good luck man!
     
  6. Malik Jaffar

    Malik Jaffar Fapstronaut

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    Yeah thanks man. I think this will help.
     
  7. EternalWaves

    EternalWaves Guest

    It is NOT a fight!!! PLEASE DON'T "FIGHT" !! This is a totally wrong mindset ! No, make PEACE with your inner self!
     
  8. EternalWaves

    EternalWaves Guest


    The "urges" are a part of you !

    So don't think of a "world war"! Don't "drive crazy". Don't say "What the hell" !

    Solution: MAKE PEACE WITH YOUR INNER SELF. The "urge" is a part of you, and therefore, you cannot "fight" it.

    When the urge comes, then be polite with him.

    Think of the urge as a salesman who is on your doorstep. Just be polite to him and say, "thank you sir", and close the door. He is used to this and he will go.

    Note: In fact, the urge is a very useful force, and you should learn to "use" it for doing all the things which will make life a fulfilling experience.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 18, 2014
  9. suyash_4376

    suyash_4376 Fapstronaut

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    I agree with freedomflight. Dont fight your inner self. Instead, come to terms with it. Maybe, sign an agreement.

    Fighting with inner self only creates anger outbursts which you will find hard to control. These will be the moments you will be most vulnerable to relapse...
     
  10. russel3

    russel3 Fapstronaut

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    Like i said before, its not your inner self that urges you but your "lazy self" or "flesh". Your flesh desires pleasure and it wants it now and dosnt care about tomorrow. It is a salesmen who has tricked you into paying lots of money before for a scam and has come back to try to trick you again. It is the same salesman who has tricked so many people into paying there whole lives for a lie. This salesman leads to death. You do not say "thank you sir" to that man.
     
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2014
  11. Malik Jaffar

    Malik Jaffar Fapstronaut

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    Yeah you guys can make all the metaphors you want. I am still dying and I'm not even on my first day for god sakes. I honestly think it is my environment because my family goes to sleep at night where as I stay awake. And honestly, being bored out of my mind, I have nothing, absolutely NOTHING!, better to do than PMO. I really think it is the boredom which gets worse every year thats causing me to have really strong urges.
     
  12. suyash_4376

    suyash_4376 Fapstronaut

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    @Malik. Then why do you stay awake?? You can sleep too you know. Just make that decision. What are you doing instead of sleeping? Is it productive? How productive is it on a scale of 10?

    Avoiding relapse may be about willpower. But if not, just analyze the times you relapse. And insert things that will prevent it. Is it night? Sleep it off. Is it keeping your laptop/tab/mobile in your bed when you sleep? Keep them in your parents room before going into yours. Is it the fact that you use your laptop alone? Use it in the family common room. Is it due to the fact that your parents go to work and you are alone? Ask them to put a password on it. Or maybe take it with them. You dont have to even tell them. Just say that it wastes your time and you need productive quality time without it.

    Or is it that you just start fantasizing? Fill your mind with useful content. Maybe read self help books. Is it because you get tired of your work? Then sleep on middle of the day. Is it that your job requires that you be online 24/7? Then use opendns. Use porn blockers. Write a long password by jist crunching buttons and just cut paste it or write it on your own.

    You see, willpower is never enough. You have to introduce new patterns in your life and they will block the bad ones. Just think about your last relapse. When was it? Where was it? What were you doing that triggered you?

    I have tried to generate a lost of what your situation may be and ideas to counter it. I understand your patterns may not be the same. But, the idea is to get the thinking going in the right direction. Post answers to the questions mentioned in another thread. Novices will agree and veterans will give ideas. Use them. Reach out to people. Sometimes, there are ways to create help instead of getting it. And dont worry about the warrior or sage mindset. Its your success that matters most. And once you get comfortable blocking out porn; start working towards making your life better. A best of luck...
     
  13. sender

    sender Fapstronaut

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    It's a good question about why you are constantly having urges. You're not going to like the answer. PMO is a drug; the more you take it, the more you want to take it. Perhaps that's obvious to you, but the flip side isn't obvious because it doesn't seem real until you're there. In other words, it's impossible for me to really understand what it will feel like to not have intense PMO urges while I'm having the urges.

    If you haven't already, check out yourbrainonporn.com. Watch the videos. They will explain the science behind why you are feeling such strong urges to PMO. The flip side of that is, the urges will reduce if you give your brain enough time to heal (by not engaging in PMO).

    I had been addicted to PMO since my teen years. I had been fapping to porn more or less daily since then up to a year ago and I'm now almost 50! My point is, I didn't even know what it felt like to not have strong porn-like urges for sex / PMO all the time. I just thought that was a normal part of being a guy. I had never not had them. But now that I'm off PMO, I now know what it feels like to not have them, but that's after months of healing.

    So how did I do it? How did I resist? I watched the videos on yourbrainonporn.com. I got educated. That got me angry. While angry, I deleted my porn stash; all of it. And I committed to never watching porn again. In that year, I've only relapsed once. I will never do it again.

    My cravings have gone away. It's not that I wouldn't enjoy looking at porn; I would. It's exciting. But...I don't feel compelled to look at it anymore.

    I think the mistake most people make is they assume that their rational mind can make a choice about it. That's just not the case. Even though you know the cost, you don't care because the addicted part of your brain will win against the logical part every time. The answer then, is that you have to engage the EMOTIONAL part of your brain in order to win this battle. Get angry. Use the anger to push through the hard part.
     
  14. EternalWaves

    EternalWaves Guest

    This is very right. The core of that behavior is a lack of love which someone has expoerienced during childhood.

    In German, addiction is called "Sucht", which means "seeking".

    Addicts of all kind (drugs, gambling, sex, ...) are SEEKING LOVE: They have been raised up in dysfunctional familys, where love was never natural.Love was always bound to conditions - you only get love if you behave like that and that. Otherwise you get nothing, or you even get punished.

    As an adult, you cannot UNDERSTAND it rationally, but to CHANGE your behaviour, you need other methods then rationally thinking. Mostly, you need to "surrender" and to give up fighting. YOu definitively needto make peace with your inner self and whith other people.


    BZW, The best thing which could happen to a man is to meet a woman who has been raised in an INTACT familiy, and who can REALLY LOVE her husband and her children. But,and this is crazy: A man who has been raised in a dysfunctional family, will not dare to start a relationship with such a woman, because love is unknown to him, and he will seek for excuses why this relationship will not work.
     

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