why am I so lonely? Why nobody wants me or pursue me?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by zeke27, Nov 19, 2021.

  1. zeke27

    zeke27 Fapstronaut

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    As said above boys and girls to whom I'm writing.

    Why is my life so boring and difficult? It's like I've been sent to Earth to suffer since childhood. I do not have real friends who call me to see how I am doing, nobody cares about me. When I try to meet people whether is a girl or a boy, apparently I don't see to be an interesting person, I dunno what's wrong here, maybe it's the expression on my face or the way I walk and I think I will never know since asking people doesn't work. They tell you lies in order to not make you feel bad. Not even girls, I'm 21 and I've never had a girlfriend. No girl seems to be interested in me or shows interest. I am afraid that I'm losing my most important years in life.

    Soon, I will be 30, and then 40 and I did nothing. Life is getting out of control and reach. Maybe I was born to be alone, nobody likes me.
     
    Brian11, Beekind and Akbarmagnus like this.
  2. Rafafa

    Rafafa Fapstronaut

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    There is a book called how to make friends and influence others, i think there is an ebook version. I think can help you.

    Well porn make us depressed, lost self love and respect. And in our time people is busy with internet, games, work, family and others things.

    You can change your lifestyle to bee more interesting. What you do in your life? Study, work, hobbies?
    How can you improve yourself?

    Woman are some insecure and needs a man to guide them, one that she admires, that make she happy.
    You work? You can help the girls with they problem? You can protect she physicaly if need? Train in an gym to have a better body, read more books and frequent social places, smile more often and be grate to things you have in your life, focus in ben more interisting to people, listen more to them, speacily girls, they talk a lot, ask about the place she lives, the family, dogs and cats, etc.

    Church is an great place to know diferent and good peoples. God will bring your wife when you are man that can help a girl.
     
    DukeNukem likes this.
  3. i_am_lost

    i_am_lost Fapstronaut

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    I'm sorry bro. I'm on the same boat, hope things get better though
     
  4. zeke27

    zeke27 Fapstronaut

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    I read that book. Some things I liked it and some I didn’t
     
  5. Rafafa

    Rafafa Fapstronaut

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    Helped you?
    How is your life? Day by day.
     
  6. zeke27

    zeke27 Fapstronaut

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    Honestly, the book talks about being way too much tolerant. This only will bring fake friends from my perspective. Real friends are the ones who accept just like you are.
     
  7. DeeJ4y

    DeeJ4y Fapstronaut

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    Go to school or a job or start a hobby. Way easier making friends that way. If you are just going up to random people it can be a bit weird. Also, you are not perfect, neither is anyone, so do not expect people to be perfect friends and accept their flaws if being alone sucks. If not learn to be happy on your own, I kind of like being with myself. God bless you.
     
  8. Mazda647

    Mazda647 Fapstronaut

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    Hi zeke,

    I'm saying this in a gentle manner. It's not them, it's you. We all can let our own egos get in the way. This is something I had to learn. They are not going to validate me. This is not to say validation is bad. We all do need a little validation. I believe a problem arises when our entire existence is based on the validation of people around us. Be it by their own choice or death, the people around will leave us.

    At 21 I was at a point where I was barely able to make the phone call to get my drivers license. While I wanted a lady, no way were they ever going to give me the time of day. The best I could do at the time was see "female" in some internet strangers profile and dream that maybe I could get together with them. Now I'm 40 and getting married next year. Life is not perfect, never is. That is OK, I'm still moving forward.

    Wanting to have a lady in your life is great, never give up on that. I recommend putting women on hold and work on building your self and life. You are 21 and very, very young. Not 30 or 40 (which is still young). That is the future so do not live there until it's the present. Think about what kind of work you are going to do. Build skills. Pursue interests.

    The sooner you love yourself the sooner people around will like you. No need to be a big faker. Being insecure today is OK. Not one of us will be confident 100% of the time. Keep figuring out and working toward where you are going and you'll get there. That is what all the other people who don't give you the time of day are doing.

    Remember, your post is a great thing. You opened up and got out of yourself. That is a great thing.

    edit:

    I read this after I posted. You have great insight. There's no need to bend to what we believe people want us to be. That said, real friends will call us out of things. It's up to us to decide if what they say is valid.

    One thing I see today is acceptance and agreement are two different things. I can accept friends but I do not need to agree with them.
     
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2021
  9. HitB

    HitB Fapstronaut

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    Sadly, marketing ourselves is up to us. The first thing that comes to my mind is go out and do interesting things. If you have something interesting to talk about, people will be drawn to you. How do you become more interesting? Do interesting things or read about interesting things and then discuss them with others. Hang in there, man. You got this.
     
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  10. koolpal

    koolpal Fapstronaut

    Advice from my friend was “To be an interesting person, you must be interested in other people”.

    I’d add “or interested in life.”

    I asked my co-workers what they like to do after work or in the weekends, and I’d join them! Doesn’t mean being fake and like everything they like, but just enjoy more of the world out there. Try it once, twice, or a couple times. Then I’d move on to another co-worker.

    What happens is you get a bunch of interesting and crazy stories to tell of your experiences, that no one else would believe. Plus you’ll gain something you might have in common with some girl in the future.

    Out of all the new hobbies I picked up in my 30s, I’d say the top 3 that girls found most interesting was:
    1. Ballroom/social dancing at dance studios
    2. Playing musical instruments in a local band
    3. Taking yoga classes at a gym

    But I wasn’t doing it to attract girls. And they can tell if guys are just out there to pick up girls. Rather, they can tell I was more interested in the actual activity, and they found that… interesting.

    I’m in my 40s, and even girls in their 20s are still interested. So don’t let your age bother you. I just wish I did this earlier in my 20s.

    Hope that helps!
     
    Last edited: Nov 22, 2021
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  11. im_done

    im_done Fapstronaut

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    I have three questions for you: What is your race, how is your face, and what is your height?
    I'll get flak for this, but people, whether they know it or not, judge you by your appearance. The three descriptions of your physical appearance aren't a be all end all, but they are very important.
     
  12. zeke27

    zeke27 Fapstronaut

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    Height: 170 cm (5'7'')
    Race: white caucasian
    Face: I guess is rounded
     
  13. im_done

    im_done Fapstronaut

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    Ah...if i were you, i'd grow some stubble to outline my face. Hit the gym and train for aesthetic goals. I'd also try dating non white women (whether you're attracted to them or not). Dating is hard for men under 6 foot, so do not feel like a monster if women aren't flocking to you like a celebrity.
     
  14. What are you offering other people when you talk to them?
     
  15. zeke27

    zeke27 Fapstronaut

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    In the country I live, women are generally shorter than I am :emoji_grin:
     
  16. zeke27

    zeke27 Fapstronaut

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    I don't know. Maybe being a good listener would help?
     
    palindromo likes this.
  17. You need to know, that's why you aren't getting the results you want. It isn't that being a good listener is a bad thing, but why would anyone want to open up to you in the first place? What are you offering that might motivate someone to do that?
     
  18. zeke27

    zeke27 Fapstronaut

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    Honestly, I don't know. That's why I am failing. Maybe you could help me with this, please?
     
  19. somuchforsubtlety

    somuchforsubtlety Fapstronaut

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    barack-obama-what.gif
     
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  20. im_done

    im_done Fapstronaut

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    Assuming they're older men, the dating market was completely different when they were sexually active. Also, the data says otherwise.
     

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