Why are people on Nofap yet still focusing on sex?

gamegeek2001

gamegeek2001

Fapstronaut
I'm trying to understand why people who are doing Nofap and trying to desexualize their mind, but paradoxically still quite focused on sex. I see it quite often guys saying. "I want to do Nofap so when I have sex with a woman i will be able to do it". And I'm not talking about them having sex with their partner or wife. They're seem to just be talking about one night stands kind of stuff. Doesn't that defeat the point of trying to desexualize their minds etc? In my head Nofap by definition is the abstinence of fapping and porn etc. But personally I also believe it's the removal of the obsession of sex etc.

I would greatly appreciate you guys input on this.
 
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I think you're right and I don't understand it either. I made a thread about this topic a while back actually, about how PMO addiction is basically a step away from sex addiction. I firmly believe a lot of users on here would be sex addicts if they were afforded the opportunity. I also think a lot are in denial about it. I do believe having real sex can aid in recovery for some people, and I'm not saying wanting to have sex is a bad thing, but if you're completely obsessing over it then there's something wrong.
 
UnholyConfessor said:
I think you're right and I don't understand it either. I made a thread about this topic a while back actually, about how PMO addiction is basically a step away from sex addiction. I firmly believe a lot of users on here would be sex addicts if they were afforded the opportunity. I also think a lot are in denial about it. I do believe having real sex can aid in recovery for some people, and I'm not saying wanting to have sex is a bad thing, but if you're completely obsessing over it then there's something wrong.
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You literally took the words out of my mouth. I honestly think they would have sex with someone every single day if given the opportunity, which to me is still porn but with extra steps. They're still consumed by their sexual desires etc. And like you said, Nothing wrong with having real authentic sex even with a friend or better a partner but with random women all the time is just ew and fboy behavior to me.
 
gamegeek2001 said:
You literally took the words out of my mouth. I honestly think they would have sex with someone every single day if given the opportunity, which to me is still porn but with extra steps. They're still consumed by their sexual desires etc. And like you said, Nothing wrong with having real authentic sex even with a friend or better a partner but with random women all the time is just ew and fboy behavior to me.
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lol, youre in a forum full of recovering sex addicts. Yes, they are going to talk about sex, haha.

but I agree- sometimes missing the goal. If you scroll around here theres lots of great convos about it, and lots of people like myself who criticize the toxic as heck "hookup" culture.

and yes, of course "given the opportunity" a PMO addict would opt for lots of sex. PMO after all is just the poor mans brothel / harem.
 
cleaningupmyact said:
lol, youre in a forum full of recovering sex addicts. Yes, they are going to talk about sex, haha.

but I agree- sometimes missing the goal. If you scroll around here theres lots of great convos about it, and lots of people like myself who criticize the toxic as heck "hookup" culture.

and yes, of course "given the opportunity" a PMO addict would opt for lots of sex. PMO after all is just the poor mans brothel / harem.
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Well said
 
gamegeek2001 said:
I'm trying to understand why people who are doing Nofap and trying to desexualize their mind, but paradoxically still quite focused on sex. I see it quite often guys saying. "I want to do Nofap so when I have sex with a woman i will be able to do it". And I'm not talking about them having sex with their partner or wife. They're seem to just be talking about one night stands kind of stuff. Doesn't that defeat the point of trying to desexualize their minds etc? In my head Nofap by definition is the abstinence of fapping and porn etc. But personally I also believe it's the removal of the obsession of sex etc.

I would greatly appreciate you guys input on this.
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I think if you dig deep you realise that sex can be a substitute for a number of different things. It can be a substitute for physical pleasure, for emotional connection, for validation/self-esteem, for escapism and distraction. Or it can simply be a biological drive.

I speak from experience as I was the same. Sex addiction is simply an attempt to fill an empty inner void.
 
mentorr said:
I think if you dig deep you realise that sex can be a substitute for a number of different things. It can be a substitute for physical pleasure, for emotional connection, for validation/self-esteem, for escapism and distraction. Or it can simply be a biological drive.

I speak from experience as I was the same. Sex addiction is simply an attempt to fill an empty inner void.
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I agree, basically how pmo addiction is an attempt to fill a void.
 
cleaningupmyact said:
lol, youre in a forum full of recovering sex addicts. Yes, they are going to talk about sex, haha.

but I agree- sometimes missing the goal. If you scroll around here theres lots of great convos about it, and lots of people like myself who criticize the toxic as heck "hookup" culture.

and yes, of course "given the opportunity" a PMO addict would opt for lots of sex. PMO after all is just the poor mans brothel / harem.
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Yeah I understand what you're saying. But that's the point they're trying to stop and change their ways. And outright say they're doing Nofap to be better at real life sex (which I understand) but there's people here who do Nofap and go from that to trying to find casual sex. They're going from one form of a sex addiction to another. It's like "Oh guys look it's not fapping or porn so I'm cured" No you're still obsessed over sex it's just in another form. I don't know if I'm conveying what I'm trying to say properly haha.

All the best man.
 
Seems to me people come here for all sorts of reasons. Some are trying to stop consuming porn so they can have as much sex as they possibly can, and on the opposite end of the spectrum, there are some who want to avoid all forms of sex like it's the plague. Then there are others who aren't that extreme. Personally, I'm not into having sex with someone I don't know, but I'm not someone who thinks you have to wait for marriage. I don't think there is anything wrong with porn per se, the thing that's wrong is the misogyny and adultery depicted in it. I also think masturbation in moderation is fine.
 
Different reasons: in my case I don't want to be a monk, I don't need any "superpower" (that I never notice, tbh), nor practice semen retention per se. I just want to get rid of my PIED because I can't date/get intimate with any girl as I'm now, since I can't get an erection with a real girl. Just that, so that's obvious that I "think" about sex (and I would practice sex almost every day if I had the opportunity to do that), even if currently I can't have any sexual intercourse.
 
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gamegeek2001 said:
I'm trying to understand why people who are doing Nofap and trying to desexualize their mind, but paradoxically still quite focused on sex. I see it quite often guys saying. "I want to do Nofap so when I have sex with a woman i will be able to do it". And I'm not talking about them having sex with their partner or wife. They're seem to just be talking about one night stands kind of stuff. Doesn't that defeat the point of trying to desexualize their minds etc? In my head Nofap by definition is the abstinence of fapping and porn etc. But personally I also believe it's the removal of the obsession of sex etc.

I would greatly appreciate you guys input on this.
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I'd say it's because there's no negative stigmatism around it. Laying in your room for hours PMO'ing makes you feel lonely and sad, and if you told anyone about it they'd probably be concerned and uncomfortable. Sleeping with real women definitely doesn't tie to the same feelings of shame, both internally and societally.
That's not to say it shouldn't, but we don't live in a world of what-ifs.
 
onceaking said:
Seems to me people come here for all sorts of reasons. Some are trying to stop consuming porn so they can have as much sex as they possibly can, and on the opposite end of the spectrum, there are some who want to avoid all forms of sex like it's the plague. Then there are others who aren't that extreme. Personally, I'm not into having sex with someone I don't know, but I'm not someone who thinks you have to wait for marriage. I don't think there is anything wrong with porn per se, the thing that's wrong is the misogyny and adultery depicted in it. I also think masturbation in moderation is fine.
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Being in the middle on an issue with “““extremes””” for the sake of middleness or moderation doesn’t make you virtuous, it makes you the one getting Eiffel-towered.
 
Mushinja said:
My friend did nofap and then became a sex addict at the first opportunity even going so far as to produce porn himself. To each their own - but I don’t believe that’s true recovery.
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Whoa, this is not a "to each their own" story. That is literally becoming the demon you are trying to slay. The P industry is nothing but coercion, sex trafficking, drugs, and rape. Your friend joining that industry (to "produce" - no such thing, coerce and exploit is more like it), is truly a failure. I hope you dont follow in their footsteps or rationalize that lifestyle. If you're here, it means your exploring other options which is good.


kenshin81 said:
Different reasons: in my case I don't want to be a monk, I don't need any "superpower" (that I never notice, tbh), nor practice semen retention per se. I just want to get rid of my PIED because I can't date/get intimate with any girl as I'm now, since I can't get an erection with a real girl. Just that, so that's obvious that I "think" about sex (and I would practice sex almost every day if I had the opportunity to do that), even if currently I can't have any sexual intercourse.
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If youre only doing nofap to reverse PIED or have more sex, you will most likely fail. its worth recognizing that PMO lifestyle is toxic as heck, and that you sought it out to the point of self-damage. A lot of us have traumas and loneliness, and other things making us feel less than whole. Id recommend finding what it is that PMO was "filling" in your life, and fill it with something positive, supportive, and healthy. If you do that, and focus on your health, the other goals you have will come naturally.
 
As a few other people have said in this thread, sex can be done for many reasons. It can be destructive, or it can be done very positively. I can understand that there are those who wish to abstain completely if it has a distinctly negative affect on their lives, but I am one of those that wishes to maintain a sex life whilst abstaining from masturbation.

People often think masturbation is a simulation of sex, but in my mind it's completely different. It may utilise some of the same chemical pathways, but other than that they are completely different. Masturbation is a lonely, voyeuristic practice that only enhances a sense of isolation. Sex on the other hand (even the casual kind) can be an important form of social interaction. It can help to push people out of comfort zones, practice empathy and help to get to know people a lot better, both individually and as a whole. So for me, I want to explore that and wouldn't want to give it up.
 
cleaningupmyact said:
If youre only doing nofap to reverse PIED or have more sex, you will most likely fail. its worth recognizing that PMO lifestyle is toxic as heck, and that you sought it out to the point of self-damage. A lot of us have traumas and loneliness, and other things making us feel less than whole. Id recommend finding what it is that PMO was "filling" in your life, and fill it with something positive, supportive, and healthy. If you do that, and focus on your health, the other goals you have will come naturally.
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I want to reverse PIED to be able to "have sex", not "more sex". Other than that, I'm already very healthy: never had fat, never smoke, never used drugs or abused alcohol. I'm available to leave the "P", even forever, but not to become a monk, practice semen retention or have sex only if I get married or find a girlfriend. I'm not into this kind of "religious" path that think I should feel guilty if I have sexual intercourse.
 
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kenshin81 said:
Marriage isn't religious per se, you can do a civil marriage of course. The "religious" part is the idea to stay virgin until marriage, and that's the point I was referring to.
Marriage is not for the purpose you explained (your idea still depends by strong faith in religion). Infact there are TONS of men and women that betrays each others even if married (and then get divorced). Someone call this "freedom". Marriage is to get and "share" additional civil rights, and nowadays they're not even SO strong. Lots of couples decide to live together (even with sons) without being officially married or decide to be married after years of cohabitations. You put to much effort into religion. I mean: you really think that men/women will stop to do something considered a sin by religion but totally ok by law, simply because the religion says that? The more prosperity there is in the world, the more science will be able to explain (currently) unsolved events, and the more time passes, the more people will become disaffected with religion, unless you consider a religion an "absolute law", oppressing all the people who doesn't follow those rules... but this is not called "freedom", but tyranny.
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