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Why are we not telling our families about our porn addiction?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by ANameThatStartsWithK, Mar 6, 2020.

  1. ANameThatStartsWithK

    ANameThatStartsWithK Fapstronaut

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    Why is it that we are unable to tell our parents about our porn addiction?

    I ask this question so that I can help myself in understanding why is it that I am unable to tell my parents and older sister about my porn addiction.
     
    ......., learning and dogeatdog like this.
  2. helpinghand4all

    helpinghand4all Fapstronaut

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    Because we're ashamed, well I told my sister that I'm trying to improve.
     
  3. Kligor

    Kligor Fapstronaut

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    I guess because really small number of people are aware of PMO addiction or just P depending on person,i mean alcohol or drug addictions are very good known.You can see it on tv,hear it in songs,know the person addict to alcohol or drugs or even you be the one.But about porn or PMO addiction,you can't see that on tv,can't hear that in songs,chance to know person with PMO addiction(person who is fully aware how dangerous it can be) in real life are very rare.I want to say people are not informed to much about this and if you tell someone this it will in most case sounds like a bullshit.But if you tell people you are addicted to drugs they will believe you.
    I didn't tell my parents or family member,because they will look at me like i m weird.
     
    ......., learning, dogeatdog and 4 others like this.
  4. red gyarados

    red gyarados Fapstronaut

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    They don’t need to hear what I do with my dick
     
  5. Neurostudent

    Neurostudent Fapstronaut

    Like others have said, the extremely intimate nature of sex makes it a really tricky issue. Not even mentioning how that interacts with cultural hangups about sexuality. I don't think it's necessary for you to share this with your family, but it really depends on your relationship with them. My sister and I are very close and I've shared this struggle with her and she's been supportive and given me love despite the shame and guilt I've had toward myself. However, you may come from a family that is extremely sexually conservative. They may still love you, but the idea of you having a porn addiction makes it difficult for them to know how to behave around you. It could make the relationship more messy and this would negatively impact your recovery because of how important meaningful relationships are to a healthy psyche.

    You should have someone that you do share this with. Whether it's simply us on this forum, a therapist, or a life coach that understands your struggle.

    One person I will absolutely say you should be telling, is your life partner. I subscribe to the belief of radical honesty and openness to one's partner. How can you say you are in a relationship with someone if they do not know elements of who you are? They're in a relationship with a carefully constructed fabrication, tailored specifically to what you believe they desire, rather than with who you truly are. What a waste of life to spend decades with this fabrication preventing you from truly meeting and loving one another.
     
    ......., ankith, dogeatdog and 4 others like this.
  6. recoome

    recoome Fapstronaut

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    It's embarrassing to even tell it to a bunch of male friends.
     
  7. Because they are the reason why I developed fetishes and porn addiction in my youth.
     
    Deleted Account and dogeatdog like this.
  8. A lot of people don't really understand the nature of porn addiction. I can't tell you talking with family about it is the best possible solution, because it's hard to say how they react. Maybe they would be supportive and this can be a big improvement in your journey, but maybe they would not. I'm pretty sure that my parents wouldn't treat it seriously and rather blame and shame me. I know they were no mature enough to understand my problems or even accept its existance.
     
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  9. Overforme

    Overforme Fapstronaut

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    Because I'm a 36 year old male and I dont think that my pmo addiction is any of their business. My parents would be the last people I tell.
     
  10. Zapy97

    Zapy97 Fapstronaut

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    The only person I told besides this community is my personal trainer. I have a loving family but they wouldn't know how to help me. My trainer is someone who I can vent too and has incentive in my improvement. She isn't an accountability partner but she is some one I can talk about some of my insecurities and I can also give updates too.
     
  11. Gorgewalker

    Gorgewalker Fapstronaut

  12. ANameThatStartsWithK

    ANameThatStartsWithK Fapstronaut

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    I asked this question because at the time I thought my mother read the pages in my personal dairy where I had written about p addiction and genre escalation and today it is confirmed that she has. She did not know that I maintain a personal diary and just thought its some of my random notes. She has not said that she has read it however it is confirmed because she asked me questions about the same stuff I had written. She has been pretty calm about the whole thing and said that if one repents to God then the person is on the right path. I believe it is a calm before the Storm. I come from a very conservative Indian Christan family and I think my mother is in trauma. I don't know what to do or think and how to be able to deal with this. My number one concern is the mental state of my mother.
     
  13. dogeatdog

    dogeatdog Fapstronaut

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    I'm afraid of telling my family because I'll fear what they'll think of me. To think that the child they did their best to raise came out of teenagehood with a crippling porn addiction. I'm also specifically afraid of telling my parents as the Internet wasn't as widespread back then as it is now, and that's why I'm addicted. I told my dad, and he was more supportive than I could ever imagine. I suggest telling the closest member of your family first, because to my knowledge my dad still has not told my mother of this addiction at my request.
     
  14. Neurostudent

    Neurostudent Fapstronaut

    The worse you believe it will be, the worse it's going to be. Right now what you're doing is something that a lot of people do, they start fussing over the story rather than the facts. The facts of the situation are that your mother now knows about your addiction and the genre escalation, and that she told you calmly that the right path can be found through God. The rest is just a story you're creating in your head. Seriously. You know nothing else about the situation except for that. If you say you know anything else then you are just falling for the anxieties and paranoia that are, very understandably, springing up in your mind because your mom found out.

    You have nothing to worry about. Nothing at all. She told you straight up that as long as you repent to God, you are on the right path. There is nothing else to worry about. If it comes up again, be confident in yourself and say, "I have faith in God and I know that no matter where I have been, I am now on the right path. My faith was tested and I'm coming out stronger." By showing her that you are in a position of strength, she will have nothing to worry about. She's concerned for you because she loves you. She believes that you are sinning and she is concerned for your soul.

    Use this as motivation to keep your streak going. You will make it my friend.
     
    ANameThatStartsWithK likes this.
  15. What happened dude? X
     
  16. Maybe I exaggerated a bit. But my parents loved us very conditionally, were very demanding and my mother penalized us when we expressed our own emotions.

    It is hard to unravel but I think that our relationship with our parents was off since my sister has emotional problems too (eating disorder).
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  17. Nucleus

    Nucleus Fapstronaut

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    Telling my wife was very liberating. She helps me. I think I chose well when I married her.
     
  18. Ipolit

    Ipolit Fapstronaut

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    I've told my mom and my brother after few months I started to actively fighting this addiction of mine and joined nofap community (the other one). I just felt like the closest people of mine have to know who are they living with, like it is just fare. I didn't gave any detailes, just said that I'm addicted to porn and that was happening to me for years. It was extreamly scary, and the scariest thing was to see the horror on my mom's face, but after few minutes fear has passes and I felt like me and my family became closer, like some wall between us has dissapeared. And just after my confession, my brother confessed as well. My mom incouraged me, and said that she belives in me and that I can kick it. That event gave me a real boost on ability to fight my urges, but it didn't last forever. It was around 5 years ago, and I'm still struggling. I will definetely will tell my future wife, if I ever have one, but I have to say that such "news" is a real burden on our loved ones. After that first confession of mine, in the most despared moments I shared with my brother few times again, even gave him a promice not to do it ever again (guess if I sticked to it), and I understood that it was hard to him to listen to such problems of mine. We are close but not that close and I felt like I dont have a right to bother my brother with such unpleasent topic any longer. If I had any friends, I'd tell them. I did tell a few people I knew and had some social contacts, the truth about porn should be spread - no doubt, so I'll definetely raise this topic if I ever make any friendship in the future.
     
    ANameThatStartsWithK likes this.
  19. CodeTalker

    CodeTalker Fapstronaut

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    I actually told them about it years ago. But didn’t mention it ever again. I don’t know if they know I still have a problem with that. But I don’t want to bring that again, because I know they can’t do much to help me and that it will put a weird pressure.
    I think I will tell them once I’m able to resist longer.
     
  20. Summer Son

    Summer Son Fapstronaut

    I actually told my all family members and they know about my issue. Didn't help me too much. Especially my parents extremely conservative or people like my elder sister didn't really know how to help me or they had no idea about porn addiction. But I have a cousin who is older than me and we actually talk this problem about many years and he also has porn addiction problem. That's why we can understand eachother more. I think that don't expect other people understand you or your issues. As a person you need to study your problem, learn everything about porn addiction and commit to never gonna use again. We can help ourselves by reading, learning and helping others.
     

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