Please understand that some terms that can be seen as triggers will be used. I give partial credit for some of the material presented to Reddit user u/MagnivusPrime, who made a post in "r/TGandSissyRecovery" . A question I've always asked myself and ended up hating myself for. The shame that accompanied the answer that I was just "less of a man" than others, the shame that pairs with the pleasure to make a love-hate relationship. I am a victim of this ideology. In this post, I will: Share a short summary of how I have coped with life since childhood (this may relate to you, so I ask that you read it) My understanding and acceptance of how this porn genre affects me and why I will no longer entertain it. Share why the first step to recovery is NOT abstaining from porn. My story There is a large portion of my life where I have felt alienated and un-connected, typically derived from some moments where I have felt "awkward" and/or couldn't handle my emotions when spoken to or interacting with peers. I also feel alienated because I've failed numerous times to take knowledge/advice from elders and have it resonate within me - I've lived a lot of my life doing things without understanding the true meaning of doing so. This feeling of being un-connected lingers within me in my day-to-day life. Many things I'd done in this life have been under the assumption that I am incapable. This constant fear-based attitude leads to low confidence in my decisions and in my being, rendering me to become slow or passive. Both traits that I despise in a Man. Yet, I've had this attitude for the majority of my life. These attitudes brought about the use of mechanisms whereby I cope with the 'fact' that I'm slow/passive/incapable. Some of these mechanisms are seeking approval from others, comparing myself to others in order to 'class' myself, and making it known to myself over and over that, I am doing something wrong in order to affirm the 'truth' that "I am incapable" if I do fail. Sissy/ Humiliation Porn - Why we enjoy it Now, back to sissy porn and why it should NOT be the main focus. Put aside the fact that you like this genre of porn for a moment - accept that you are or have been attracted to it: When 'sissies' are in their 'sissy/submissive' mode, many (from r/TGandSissyRecovery) have confessed that, being the 'girl'. Identifying with the girl, is what turns them on, and since they are turned on by it, it must be true right? To identify as a girl? Let's think about that for a second. No. It is not true. Say for example, when you are at home alone, masturbating with a dildo, why are you enjoying it? Do you enjoy it because you like a stick being inserted in and out of your asshole? Are you enjoying it for that reason? Or are you telling yourself whilst you do it, that you are "I'm such a slut for taking this dick, such a sissy, blah blah blah"? Right? That is what makes it enjoyable. Who are you without the voice that tells you who you are? There is no such thing as a sissy, it's a cultural made-up ideology. There's only you, and you, are you. You are not a woman, not a man, not Christian, not Muslim, not nothing. There's simply you, who exists in a world where so many factors are trying to push you to feel a certain way. The choice here lies in your hands - Do you want to keep telling yourself who you are? You might think, "Well, so what? I like it, I don't care that it tells me who I am" I thought so too. I once saw a therapy session where a depressed and stubborn man in his thirties who felt insignificant because he was a virgin and was sick of porn was telling his therapist how bad he was as a person. The man had some events as a child where he felt bullied/lonely/insignificant. The therapist showed him that he only feels that way because the depressed man was drilling that he was incapable in his own mind over and over through the many mechanisms and mannerisms he unconsciously created. It took a few tries to get this through, but when this was pointed out to the depressed man, he laughed beautifully for the first time in years, as if something so obvious was told to him but he never ever grasped the idea of it. Traumas and events in the past make you believe things that you would be against if they were brought up to you in the present. So, just because you had a bad situation in the past, why should your ideology be based on something you don't want to believe in? Sissy porn, works on 'telling yourself who you are', look, for example; at all the captions and sissy hypnosis porn. its unshameful "Interpellation" In my opinion, every person who's into this porn has a trauma or events that lead them to believe that they are incapable and worthless human beings. That they exist to please others. You might read this and think, "no I'm not...", put your ego aside, because avoiding your past means you will never see peace. You enjoy it so much because it relates to your invented ideology. You don't have to force yourself to want to quit, do what makes you feel at peace. However, I'm starting to see my past for what it is as well as the sissy porn I use to affirm with. Practice meditation. It's really important to be in a state of mind where you feel unaffected. Give up/Moderate your animal desires. Understand when you use your coping mechanisms and just observe when you do them. Notice the times when you seek approval from others. Know why you do them. The first step to recovery is not abstaining from sissy porn. It's understanding why you needed it. Let me know your thoughts and if I have missed anything you think is worthy.
I think it has something to do with an inner wound that a man may have inside himself, especially any feelings of inadequate masculinity - whether as one abused from external sources (like school bullies, male bashing in society, maternal dominance, or paternal rejection, or sex abuse at worst) or internal sources (inner inadequacies, fears, lack of confidence, etc.) It is sort of like the racial pain of the "N" wound attacking a particular race, and yet the members of that race may feel rather free (and somewhat soothed and consoled) in using that same term for each other - and only they can use it since they all share that societal wound. It's almost like a coping mechanism, or a way to deal with past abuse (by playing those tapes), and it may even be somewhat satisfying to pick at the scab even if it stings (like cutting) so as to relieve the real subconscious pain. The same is often true in the gay community, who are intensely insulted by the "f-g" word, and yet they may easily use it among themselves - again, a pain that victims hold in common, a shared woundedness, trying to heal/minimize its sting, and perhaps picking at the scab to learn to deal with past pain in smaller increments at a time. Similarly, men who have any inadequacy whatsoever, which is probably every man, may feel a diminished masculinity, especially if the imposed assault was very direct against their masculinity. These kinds of tapes (as in voices from bullies) can get replayed over and over in one's mind long after such events even occurred. One might have even indulged in submissive sexual masturbatory fantasies with such bullies in mind - and if not the actual bully or some other circumstance, one may easily get drawn into submissive male porn, whether it be to a dominant female or a dominant male. A dominant male fantasy is often a subconscious need to feed off of another man's masculinity to make up for one's own perceived lack thereof (and it's only just a self-perception, not the reality). Of course, this never works/satisfies, even if the fantasy were lived out in reality. All along the only place to rebuild a healthy masculinity, self-confidence, or self-adequacy is by healing oneself from within through self-love, self-embrace, and self-acceptance (with realistic limitations and all, the truth of all men), and not through addictions or fetish behaviors that are false substitutes for love, even if they're momentarily and weirdly soothing, like picking at the scab. It's the very reason for many addictions in the first place - to cover over the woundedness without facing or healing them - to get a dopamine drug rush (especially from MO) to relieve one's intrapsychic pain if only for a few minutes - then one can fall into a coma-like sleep, oblivious to all reality, all inner wounds, but only awakening to feel like shit at each sunrise. A recovered person feels joy at each sunrise and even looks forward to the day. We should abstain from all porn at the start, even as we begin to understand our need for it - what purpose it serves. Continuing to watch porn only compounds the wounded complex, wiring more strongly the false tapes in our mind, and making recovery even more difficult. Everything must be rewound and rewired eventually. There's no freebee or getting away with anything if one wants to heal one day. So, remember too, that just because you think it or fantasize about it, it doesn't mean that it is true. The same-sex attraction or warped fetish may simply represent highly complex symbolic language, similar to when we dream, which communicates myriads of words in just a short clip of imagery (a picture is worth a thousand words, so to speak) - and many times, like dreamwork, it may not even have anything to do with sex (just like sex dreams are often not about sex, but need for comfort, intimacy, or healing, etc.), and never mind sexual orientation or anything like that. Certainly not! Wounds can and do heal, or they can shrink, or we can learn to embrace any scar that remains without it overhauling our integrity anymore. Be at peace and follow the road of recovery, my friend. .
I believe mine stems from being bullied at school, one of my old fantasies was my school bullies, even if it repulsed me at the same time.
I like it because it's the next best thing to a sexual encounter with a female: To become your own "girlfriend". Wearing pantyhose and nylon is something I actually liked before porn. The anal dildo stuff is about stimulating your prostate. And the rest of the "sissification" process is to become "your own girlfriend" (and also because it's weird af to wear pantyhose if your legs are not shaven or if you besides that wear guy's clothes) So it's a bit more complicated for me.
I can also relate to that, the difficulty of me getting with a woman was frustrating and I always looked for an answer as to why. That lack of emotional support lead me to seek validation which could have come through the AGP, becoming the very thing you were craving. Of course, as men, we are attracted to femininity, and if our minds rationalised that it was fine to become the female then we would in turn be attracted to the idea of dressing up. For me, I understand that stimulating the prostate can get you to orgasm, but I don't really think about it like that unless I were to 'become the girl' whilst stimulating the prostate, that is the idea that would have me turned on. Again, it's that belief that stems from what's happened in the past. If I was comfortable with my masculinity from the get-go, I wouldn't have had the attitude I have had for the entirety of my life, and I would probably laugh at the idea of sissy porn. That being said, I think recovery is very possible if you go back to each instance in life where you have felt wrongly done and acknowledge and accept it for what it is. Just a moment, and not the reality that should be played in your head over and over. To fix the coping mechanisms you have and practice self-love.
This is an interesting observation and it would help explain a few things. For one, the way the "sissy ideal" is a hyper-sexualized version of what women really are - in other words it's a guy's version of a kind of "perfect girlfriend" who is ultra-feminine, totally sex-obsessed, and devoid of emotional baggage - just there for fun. It also would explain why, after a PMO session, one feels so revolted by what they've just done since the "temporary girlfriend spell" has just broken and the reality comes flying back into you that you actually have no desire to do any of that stuff with a guy.
Most people find humiliation porn to be arousing simply because it's an act of dominance, and some men unfortunately crave dominance over a helpless woman. If you're craving these clips it reflects that you are self-centered about sexuality and you would most likely be very selfish in bed. But in real life, it just doesn't work that way. Selfishness and dominance in sex can feel arousing to a woman. It makes her feel important and desired but it's not something that you should abuse. Use it only enough to make your woman feel irresistible to the point where you just can't control yourself and want more of her. Fantasizing about dominant acts could also be a clue about Low self-esteem and the desire for control and power. Anyways you can always dig deeper, interact with your subconscious and you'll surely come up with as many different scenarios as possible. Use your gut and you'll more than likely figure out the root cause in no time.
Good read, well thought out. Honestly I was in the verge of relapse (not to sissy porn but still) and this talked me out of it. God bless you
I do understand all of your perspectives and any trauma you guys go through but I honestly think I must be the minority because that sissy shit really just makes me even more dominant and gives me even more of a thirst and pride to be a man. I know how that sounds lol but really I am a fair decent guy not selfish at all maybe ambitious or maybe just driven but I know that you have to have some sort of control so noFAP but really just my perspective on sissy videos.
I didn't read the post, but I think it is just an extreme craving to embrace female sexuality. And since a woman is not present in the room, the man "puts on" the woman, and experiences a sort of hybrid sexuality combining both the masculine and feminine sexual experiences. However, in the end, it is all just a result of bad thought processes and allowing the man's inner chaos to override his higher way of experiencing the world. A depravity that has went too deep
Yeah you right if your free and not locked up women are available there is no reason and no excuses but if there is no option it better pass for a woman
For me it was simple I was bored of normal porn for I started watching sissy and crossdresser porn and liked it before that I had never had any intention to dress up as a girl or become sissy so for me it was the effect of pornogrpahy
An inspiring read. Yea staying present and watching the thinker has really helped me with this self abuse. I haven’t watched the sissy stuff for a few years and finally T escorts have lost their appeal. But you’re right it’s come from a place of feeling less and angry with myself, a way of self trashing and affirming my negative pain body that keeps ranting on in my head. I way to escape the noise temporally but actually make it stronger and more disgusted at one’s self.
The Pain-Body Is Like a Mind-Controlling Parasite According to Eckhart Tolle, the pain-body is a mass of negative energy that can occupy your body and mind. It is like a parasite, living in you and feeding on you physically, mentally, and emotionally. But the pain-body only has as much power as you give it; the pain-body feeds on the negative energy that is created when you get swept up in the emotions it produces and identify with the pain-body.
maybe its brain-washing? the reddit you posted talks about "bambi sleep" brainwashing which is closer to mkultra than to youtube subliminals. I mean literal brain washing- messing with neurons
