Why Can't I Do This?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by SolidStance, Jan 9, 2016.

  1. What if you are not succeeding? Day 1 over and over again.

    Constant relapse and binging is usually due to low self-esteem. Most of us have been misguided over the course of our lives and have been told who we are by the people around us. Parents, teachers, siblings, friends, neighbors, anyone and everyone who can speak has told us something about ourselves, even things we didn’t think we were. That is called the social mirror, it is your reflection that people think they see. The social mirror is wrong.

    Most of the time the people around us are projecting their insecurities, fears, regrets and remorse onto us. It’s called projecting. They do this without really knowing. Someone says “Oh, you can’t do that. Ya, I tried already, didn’t work.” Yup, bullshit. People generally don’t feel good when they see someone else succeeding at something they have tried to do before and failed. So they project their own self-doubt and low self-perception on you and slowly it builds in your own mind as who you are.

    The social mirror is based on false information. You are not those people and you are not what they said you were. Even the good stuff can sometimes be a projection! I know, really? Well it has to be true if the first parameter is true. But guess what, you are not the social mirror. You are you and no one else can take that away. No one else can change the fact that you exist and matter. Maybe you haven’t actually done a whole lot in life, maybe you’re just too young. But this is true for everyone; there is an unlimited amount of potential in you. Right inside you is limitless, there is no end. You can do and be whatever you put your mind to. Be careful though, because that means you can gravitate toward character traits that pull you down.

    Do not be a product of the social mirror. Do not be swayed by things outside yourself. You are in control. Am I projecting my attitude on you? No, what I am saying is not specific to one person. That is how you can tell someone is projecting on you. Ask yourself: “Is it just me that can be affected here?” If someone is saying something is wrong with you on a personal level, it is a projection. They don’t know you. They only know their own experience.

    Be wise. Don’t even be swayed by me saying you’re limitless. Feel it inside you and experience it for yourself. Don’t just listen to good motivation, actually be motivated. Go out there and get what makes you content.

    Constant relapse is also due to not ever thinking you were going to stop. There has to be a real, unshakable resolve to stop. In the beginning we dance around the issue. Eventually our search for porn starts again and we go through what could be months of validation for it. Also, that means we haven’t gone too far down in the mud. You haven’t realized you’re an addict at that point, but maybe you think you should stop.

    Yes eventually we have to have a firm realization that we are addicted and we do want to stop. We have to want it bad, like a hunger or thirst. It has to be your mission all day and all night. This isn’t for the faint of heart. An overweight person doesn’t improve their health by thinking about it every now and then. They get up with the idea in mind that their whole day is centered around their new diet, their new exercise plan, their new shopping routine. Everything must be it. It has to be for success. You have to be okay with the fact that pornography is no longer part of your life. It has to be that way.

    This is a long post. It has been building up over the past few days. I know you are amazing. I wish you knew that too. Someone out there right now envies you for something. Someone wishes they could have some aspect of your character. Without even realizing it, people depend on us. And if this is just projection, then I’m projecting the most loving, warm, heartfelt feeling right at you. I am blasting you with all the love I have. Because you do matter; you are important; you will change someone’s life one day; you will get what you want. It is only a matter of positive self-perception and hard work. You are capable beyond understanding. We all are.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 8, 2016
  2. I love this post! Thank you solid stance, you've confirmed what I knew deep within. After months of relapses, its finally time to conquer, but i must battle everyday!
  3. interesting read, gave me even more strenght to continue. Thank you
    SolidStance likes this.
  4. wildwood

    wildwood Fapstronaut

  5. Be strong everyone. Hold together. Keep your shields up.

    Know that you are so bright. So bright you light up the mind with thoughts. You light up the room by being there. You are love itself. If you know nothing else about me, know that I love you.
  6. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

    Good post. I think a lot of people relapsing here are in the 2nd 'transitional' stage.

    The three stage process to Overcoming addiction.

    1. Realization that I have a problem
    2. Transitional stage, where I start building other areas of life/ strengthening the Will [mobilizing for war so to speak]
    3. Resolve once and for all to quit, and not look back.

    Yes, I like to think of it in terms of 'The World as Will and Representation'. In this context, the World of Representation [re-presentation] is the self image we have of ourselves, it has been largely passively generated in reacting to our environment, family, peers etc. The World of Will is where we live actively, creatively, presently, where we push back in a life that is free and self-determined. A heroic overcoming.
    Last edited: Feb 8, 2016
  7. Edited. I really like this one.

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