Why did you start masterbating to porn?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by filmit57, Jan 16, 2020.

  1. filmit57

    filmit57 Fapstronaut

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    I initially started because of the dopamine high I got from it, after a while of doing it I read it was good for you. I read messages like masterbating is good for you it cleans the pipes, it relieves stress, it’s a safer alternative to sex(no std or pregnancy risk), helps you fall asleep. So I continued to do it for many years not knowing it was causing so many problems in my life that I thought were caused by some other illness because there’s no way masterbating could be a problem everyone says it’s a healthy habit. I heard of nofap a few years before I started my 337 day hard mode streak but thought it was a bunch of people making up a bunch of nonsense.
     
  2. hubbawulf1234

    hubbawulf1234 Fapstronaut

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    It was the next logical step i suppose. I found porn in my granddads room and it went from there. After we got satellite TV I'd stay up late and watch the skinimax stuff. Then of course school taught that is was normal, natural and healthy, which for the times I believe not totally bad advice. It was the late 90s early 00s and porn wasn't available as it is now. You had to hope your dad/granddad had it or a friend's dad/granddad had it. Even IF you have internet, and that's a HUGE IF, it was dial up and there was no free porn online.
     
  3. romeolima

    romeolima Fapstronaut

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    I think it was a process of discovery, I started out before internet porn was available. It started with mainstream films with sexy scenes in, then progressed to magazines etc. It was an easy way to facilitate masturbation, long before I established sexual relationships.

    After that I guess I was sucked in, porn became easier and easier to access, first broadband and then later smartphones. It's only then that I accepted that I had an issue.

    In some ways I wish I could go back to those sort of days, magazine porn seemed so much less damaging. Knowing what I know now however I think no porn is the best thing.
     
  4. Kligor

    Kligor Fapstronaut

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    Because i suddenly discover masturbation and back then when i was 12-13 it was amazing feeling.
     
  5. Randy Andy

    Randy Andy Fapstronaut

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    :) I thought the title was "why did you stop?" I think that's much more useful, I don't really care as much why a bunch of us started something I find problematic for myself, then I'll just hear a lot about how to start and I don't want to start.
    I guess talking about it could build a sense of compassion for my self, if I see how it made sense to me, and maybe also a sense of objectivity if it's "here's how the progression began, how Andrew got more and more thinking he needed it over the years" sort of story.
    I had a lot of the same thought processes as the OP, it felt good and I read it was a) super normal and b) good alternative to teenage sex. I didn't know I was using it to relieve stress, I didn't think I was stressed and I was exercising a lot, had lots of free time for fun stuff so I didn't have a CONSCIOUS need to use it for that, and another unconscious effect I was chasing was to use it to fall asleep, luckily in all the years I used I never got to "needing" it to fall asleep but that might be the experience of some addicts I'm sure it could be that way for some of us. But I also early on heard a lot of messages about it being bad and shameful. I wasn't as confused as I should have been :) . Here I had read that it was normal ("99% of guys do it and the other 1% are lying" :) ) and yet friends and kids at school made fun of the idea over and over and there was a strong but unspoken sense from religious people that it was bad or at least dirty. Which I had no idea just increased my intrigue for it, and the biggest thing is I think it scratched an itch of "I'm bad, I've always known there was something wrong with me but I could never figure out what and now I know it's that I'm perverted and obsessed with sex and keep doing this when I shouldn't and ...." blahdiblah. It was almost like it was a relief to have something to hang the self-hate hat on, to say "I always knew I was bad thank goodness I was right about me." :)
    So maybe it's helpful to look from a certain perspective, seeing how my thought patterns got more and more off track but each time by only a little, and the feeling patterns that went with going from recreational use to making it like a hard drug :) . And of course not everyone does that so if anyone reading doesn't relate to my story I hope you'll find one that you do relate to, I'm sure you can here there are any number of different patterns we experience and talk about here.
    But as for why stop, that can be very interesting to me. I never got caught, I never lost anything to pm+ for instance never had problems with sex, or had anybody angry at me. I had difficulty relating deeply but that is easy to ignore, so do most people with or without a drug. I wanted a better life, I just didn't think it was possible to quit pm+ so I was trying to find a better life with LESS pm+ :) . It's kind of like if an alcoholic thinks the problem is alcohol, perfectly reasonable to think that. And I'm sure that's true for many people, I just don't use the word alcoholic for them I save it for someone whose problem is helped by alcohol. That's why addicts can't stop, the "drinking" in our case pm+ is covering up the deeper problem and certainly seems to be helping. I don't know any of this for absolute certain especially not for any other person but it does seem to explain my life better than anything else I've heard. Maybe I would have succeeded in killing myself without the "relief" that came from pm+ it just came with a cost. It was weird, my problem was my solution and vice versa which makes it hard to even talk about right? Maybe this is the way to say it: what I was using to keep from falling apart at the seams was making me fall apart at the seams more later. It would hold me together a bit for some amount of time, and then would come the internal consequences to my self which can be summed up as "pulling on the loose threads" and the former process got shorter and less effective over the years and the latter got stronger and more quick to occur over the years. And I kept trying the same thing to hold it together, just cause I didn't know any other alternative. I heard an alcoholic say once, "I thought alcohol was my problem. Turns out I am my problem and alcohol makes my problem worse." Gosh I relate, and luckily not from an "I'm bad" place but rather "my overuse of pm+ was a symptom of selfishness I didn't know was controlling me, and it feed into more and more selfishness about sex." Getting free of that I feel like Cephalus in Plato's Republic "I am only too glad to be free of all that; it is like escaping from bondage to a raging madman. " By free I mean at peace with it, if I don't have to act out and the way to keep that is to stop fighting my "badness" I'll ride that train. It's scary and it often feels like something is wrong but it's worked for me for years and I know people it's worked HAPPILY for decades. That's the biggest thing, focusing on the parts of my self that cmprised that underlying selfishness about sex has really helped me feel comfortable about and even happy not to act out, I hope it's the same, by one method or another, for everyone reading.
     
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  6. greenmtnboy

    greenmtnboy Fapstronaut

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    I was curious about the female body; and as the Hippie movement had happened and was still active, I wanted a more open and honest form of life. I grew up in a repressed, closed, somewhat abusive culture with people tuning out from one another, or using alcohol, drugs, etc. to numb themselves to their feelings.

    The beauty of healthy athletic women was something of an inspiration and the mystery promoted in the porn magazines was a novelty and a draw for me. The really weird thing about the porn magazines is the magnetic erection inducing they had just by opening them up.

    As a Christian believer I read all the warnings about the prostitute that Proverbs writes about as being the way of death, and all the other references to prostitutes in the Bible who you could say is one of the Chief enemies of Christians in the New Testament. So some guilt when with this odyssey, but also increased awareness like Adam and Eve tried to obtain knowledge limited to their Creator. If anything porn has gotten more seductive, at least the top 1% of sites, there are clearly powerful demonic spirits behind it. Today I could watch a porn video with zero effect in my body. But have not been for a good while.
     
  7. Why did I start? It felt good. Why did I keep going? It's all I had that felt good.
     
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  8. LeSean

    LeSean New Fapstronaut

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    I started masturbating because I saw an episode of South Park that taught me how to do it. Then I finally had the great realization that this could make those pervy anime/cartoons I used to watch on NewGrounds 10x better. So basically the reason went from fun-time when i was 13, to escapism/depression from 20-25.
     
  9. i_have_pizza

    i_have_pizza Fapstronaut

    I started, because I didn't liked real world and real humans.
     
  10. En?gma

    En?gma Fapstronaut

    Because i was curios and because people don't want to make prevention
     

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