Why do guys stare at me but don't approach?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by green lion eating the sun, Oct 19, 2017.

  1. (I'm a girl ) Last night I was at a club with a guy friend and I had several guys who stared at me but didn't approach me

    At some point I asked for a cigarette to a group of guys and they said more than once that I was very beautiful. One asked me "what are you gonna give me in return?" I replied annoyed "nothing" and kept talking with my friend. He was a real douchebag saying that stuff

    Another guy I asked for a cigarette and when I gave him the lighter back he touched my hand for longer than needed

    I asked for a cigarette to girls too but they didn't give me that. It was easier to convince guys lol I have been out of the dating scene for 9 months (quit my p and s addictions for good 7 and a half months ago) I am out of practice

    Any advice on why do guys stare at me without approaching? Sometimes I feel I must be the man in the relationship. When I asked for a cigarette guys were much more inclined to talk and show me they were attracted to me
     
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  2. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    A lot of guys are insecure. You don't want to wait for some douche-bag guy to hit on you. Rather, select your target, someone that you like the look of and find attractive. Allow yourself to get within range of him. Somehow communicate subtly a 'green light' - eye contact, accidental body language... but keep it coy...within the bounds of the feminine art of flirtation. It is now up to him to respond. If he doesn't, then he is either not man enough or not attracted.

    And try going with a girlfriend, not a guy friend!

    That said, I'd recommend you try out the coffee shops instead. You might find a better quality of guy... and the chance of a relationship.
     
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  3. Because they are interested, but they're either too insecure or afraid to approach because they've probably done it quite a decent number of times and had negative responses.

    You don't necessarily have to say "be the man in the relationship", as if only a man should approach a woman. It's 2017, you can approach a man if you want to just fine too. Doesn't make you any less of a woman to do so, neither does it make the latter any less of a man.

    Also let's be real, clubs are where men go to find one night stands and hook ups, so of course you're going to meet douchebags there. I agree with Buzz, try places like coffee shops, video game stores, the library. You'll meet really good people. Heck, since you smoke, you could even go to smoking corners and just smoke with any lone rangers there.

    Also, personal question, why do you smoke? I've been smoke free for almost 4 months and I'm just curious as to what keeps you smoking?
     
  4. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    My advice would be to hold eye contact and smile, look and smile twice if you have to. And if he's both interested and confident, he will introduce himself. Then again it's actually pretty attractive if a girl makes the first move!

    A lot of guys are slow to pick up on the signs if I'm honest. And to improve your genuine guy to douchebag ratio, I would look anywhere but a club/pub.

    And another ex smoker here, no peer pressure lol.
     
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  5. Just to add on to the things he said on top. I hope you don't find my words ignorant or misogynistic because it is still my opinion, not hard facts, but most men don't care about you looking 10/10, size of breasts etc. Most of the time it's the other women who stress too much on this that create this drama that other women catch onto and then inherit this fear too. Then you get all these women who fear that men won't find them attractive when in reality any decent man (keyword:decent) really won't care at all.

    Personally for me if a girl has a good smile (Not good like pretty, but good like she's a fun person to be around) and is easygoing and friendly I'd be very attracted already. Do what works for you but keep an open mind :)

    Peace! (I'm sorry if any words seemed disrespectful, if it did seem as such I apologise again)
     
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  6. Hitto

    Hitto Fapstronaut

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    lol when I guy stares at you that means he attracted to you and if he doesn't act on it he is scared I'm speaking from experience I'm learning not to stare I just smile and if I see a warm smile back I'll approach them I learned that staring to long and not acting is creepy it is better go up and say hello lol as for the guys who touch they are just creeps I never touch a woman unless she touches me first I try to portray that I'm cool safe funny guy and then they take it or leave it but yeah most guys at clubs and bars are looking to hook up I go out with my friends to have fun and whatever happens happens then again I really don't hook up with women I barley know and I know that's rare nowadays lmao
     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2017
  7. Sc8r51o1n

    Sc8r51o1n Fapstronaut

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    I beautiful girl is scary to approach.
    And there is one thing called approach anxiety, built in in man, and absent in women.
    Look it up in The Venucian Artist Manual by Mystery, but in short, a public rejection of a man kills him.
    And the cuter the girl, the more likely she is pissed off by approaches and more likely to reject a random stranger hitting on her.

    So, in order to invite and approach smile and catch a few eye contacts with the guys. This must trigger them to approach "safely".
    At least this is what happened with me and lead to a great romance.
     
  8. Temujin

    Temujin Fapstronaut

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    Your cute and they are scared to approach you
     
  9. One possibility could be because you have RBF
     
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  10. Sc8r51o1n

    Sc8r51o1n Fapstronaut

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    Define RBF?
     
  11. nalimsky

    nalimsky Fapstronaut

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  12. [​IMG]

    :emoji_joy: some guys deserve to get a face like this. especially when they are complete pigs :emoji_pig: like the one who asked what i was gonna give him in return after i just asked him a cigarette :emoji_see_no_evil: it was this reaction or me cutting his balls off
     
  13. Mavricko

    Mavricko Fapstronaut

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    Maybe he was just joking and you're super serious and uptight. Also it's pretty rude to ask for a cigarette if you have no intention of paying him back. Basically you are complaining at not getting approached, yet shut someone down instantly when they flirted (albeit overly aggressively)

    As for the other guy touching your hand longer than he needs too..really? Either you are super uptight and exaggerating..or something about you is making people uncomfortable. Maybe you give off a super uptight or hostile vibe, hence why people only try to flirt after you ask for a cigarette..

    Also asking for a cigarette seems like a low key (or to some a blatant) way of flirting and starting conversation..not surprised someone said something like that
     
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  14. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    Yes, this is odd behavior on your part. Asking a guy for a cigarette at a bar is effectively 'approaching' him [very forward behavior]. It would be remiss of him not to flirt with you at this point.

    Even if he suddenly turned into a dirt-bag slobbering grease-ball when confronted with your beauty, you still should have politely thanked him for the cigarette before walking away.
     
    Last edited: Oct 24, 2017
  15. Mavricko

    Mavricko Fapstronaut

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    Pretty much. OP is either delusional, lying or massively naive. And maybe two or even three of the things I listed.
     
  16. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    Yes, perhaps very young.
     
  17. DemonSemen

    DemonSemen Fapstronaut

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    Yeah. B/c a lot of guys are pussies. Technology has taught them to interact without actually talking to people. Many don't have fathers present to teach them how to interact socially and IRL. Many spend too much time immersed in the online world instead of the real one. And many spend so much time watching porn and thinking about having sex that they don't know how to just talk to a lady. Even though it's as simple as. "Hello. I'm DemonSemen."
    So it's no wonder you feel like "the man"'sometimes.
     
  18. Mavricko

    Mavricko Fapstronaut

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    Sounds like you love to overgeneralise. Maybe you are actually describing yourself here. Or past self.
     
  19. DemonSemen

    DemonSemen Fapstronaut

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    Nope
     
  20. nalimsky

    nalimsky Fapstronaut

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    Hm, this is very bad behavior. He is pig if he treat you like this.

    I am bad about it, but i am pretty sure there are much better (and romantic) ways to start some connection with girl. What he did is bad...he acted like you're just piece of meat...
     

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