Why do guys stare at me but don't approach?

green lion eating the sun said:
it was really rude that guy saying what i was gonna give him in return
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It was just clumsy flirting.

i just wanna be careful on dating again guys coz i am afraid of falling for fuckboys again
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Well, keep going to clubs to meet guys, because fuckboys never go there. :rolleyes:

it is like people in general so included girls don't have desire to come up and talk to me in pubs/clubs.
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Because people don't go to clubs to talk. And they don't often go to pubs to talk to strangers, unless they intend to have sex with them. And guys don't want to get into a fight over a girl, so they won't talk to you if you're with a guy. And girls see you as competition, so they won't talk to you unless they came with you.
 
Opportunity For Better said:
It was just clumsy flirting.



Well, keep going to clubs to meet guys, because fuckboys never go there. :rolleyes:



Because people don't go to clubs to talk. And they don't often go to pubs to talk to strangers, unless they intend to have sex with them. And guys don't want to get into a fight over a girl, so they won't talk to you if you're with a guy. And girls see you as competition, so they won't talk to you unless they came with you.
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yes of course, the club is the reign of fuckboys i know that very well
i would never think to be interested in a guy met at a club
I am just very scared of being hurt again

i go to pubs where i can talk, same thing with clubs (rarely when i go to clubs) i don't like noisy pubs and clubs
plus i don't dance. i just drink alcohol, but within the limit, coz i work and i don't wanna get sad-drunk

there were some language exchanges at these pubs so basically you start talking to people that come from different countries. it is a fun stuff

i make it very obvious that when i am with a guy friend, he is a friend and i talk to him like i would do with a girl (they usually look sort of nerd)

damn, girls are so envious among each other. i find it harder to talk with girls. i just wanna reach having a couple of stable friends. more girls and then cultivate these friendships. it looks like i met recently a 20-year-old guy who is a writer like me. wow. let's see
 
green lion eating the sun said:
Any advice on why do guys stare at me without approaching? Sometimes I feel I must be the man in the relationship. When I asked for a cigarette guys were much more inclined to talk and show me they were attracted to me
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It is a normal thing for guys to just stare and not do anything about it. I am one of these people. But this is because the onus to make the first move is always thrust onto the men. So with this, they have a constant pressure to "be the man" and that in my perspective is what makes girls appear as scary.

So I guess my advice would be to make yourself as approachable as possible. Let them know that girls aren't actually scary, and make it easier for them to approach you. Smile, be friendly and acknowledge that they are probably the most nervous they've been in a while just talking to you. This is actually a great sign because it means their feelings are genuine. If you do this you will attract the right people. Because realistically, most of the guys who actually approach you first are probably the douchebags.

There's also no rules saying you can't approach guys. If you like what you see then you can go over and let them know, dare them to do something about it if they are interested as well. You don't have to see this as "being the man", it could be better seen as you taking the initiative for something you want instead of it waiting to happen. Cos like I said before, the douchebag to every other guy approaching you ratio is very unbalanced.
 
Reborn16 said:
If you're going to use them to be confident in a club, at least talk favourably about them. Let's all take a moment of silence, for our beta orbiting brothers, in the friend-zone :emoji_pray:

Okay now join a social club, sports club, book club, or smile at guys in the shops. Basically (no alcohol = less douches)
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I had a guy some months ago when i was about to sit with a book in a coffee shop part of a bookshop. and i heard this guy saying i was beautiful. it made me smile. that is what I want. a nice guy who compliments me in a nice way. maybe i should sit more often in bookshops. i love books and that is my reign :emoji_blush:

I am just trying to get a social life again. i would prefer getting more girl friends but guys are easier to convince to hang out. even though tonight i will go with a couple of girls too to the Halloween party :emoji_jack_o_lantern:

btw the guy friends i choose to hang out are guys with whom i like to talk but with whom i would never be temped to be dating, no attraction at all on my side. a guy friend invited me to his house, he said he would have cooked i just declined the invite. lol yeah cooking :emoji_x: no thanks, don't wanna get in uncomfortable situations
 
A lot of helpful replies and not so helpful ones.
1. Don’t go with guy
2. If u think u are that pretty, then u are the one selecting. Tea house or club where will u rather pick a partner.
3. Genuine guys are likely shy compared to players. So green light then he will be encouraged
4. Class and respect commands same. Be nice, approachable and courteous to everyone and you won’t even need to look too long
5. Staring at you doesn’t mean they want relationship. Esp at clubs.
 
green lion eating the sun said:
(I'm a girl ) Last night I was at a club with a guy friend and I had several guys who stared at me but didn't approach me

At some point I asked for a cigarette to a group of guys and they said more than once that I was very beautiful. One asked me "what are you gonna give me in return?" I replied annoyed "nothing" and kept talking with my friend. He was a real douchebag saying that stuff

Another guy I asked for a cigarette and when I gave him the lighter back he touched my hand for longer than needed

I asked for a cigarette to girls too but they didn't give me that. It was easier to convince guys lol I have been out of the dating scene for 9 months (quit my p and s addictions for good 7 and a half months ago) I am out of practice

Any advice on why do guys stare at me without approaching? Sometimes I feel I must be the man in the relationship. When I asked for a cigarette guys were much more inclined to talk and show me they were attracted to me
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If you're waiting for the guy to approach you will have to deal with a lot of "alpha male" types. That nerdy guy who doesn't approach? Yeah, that's teh one you want. He's the guy who is not going to approach some other woman too after you're married. He's the one who will want to stay home with you and the kids Friday nights.
I think someone side it right on an earlier reply: pick your target, and let him know you're interested. Give him the green light, encourage him to approach.
 
CaptainXVIII said:
Just to add on to the things he said on top. I hope you don't find my words ignorant or misogynistic because it is still my opinion, not hard facts, but most men don't care about you looking 10/10, size of breasts etc. Most of the time it's the other women who stress too much on this that create this drama that other women catch onto and then inherit this fear too. Then you get all these women who fear that men won't find them attractive when in reality any decent man (keyword:decent) really won't care at all.

Personally for me if a girl has a good smile (Not good like pretty, but good like she's a fun person to be around) and is easygoing and friendly I'd be very attracted already. Do what works for you but keep an open mind :)

Peace! (I'm sorry if any words seemed disrespectful, if it did seem as such I apologise again)
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This. I've met some 10/10 that were complete biatches... making them a -5/10. Would i have f-ed them back in the day? sure. but it'd be for pleasure only.
 
noonoon said:
That nerdy guy who doesn't approach? Yeah, that's teh one you want. He's the guy who is not going to approach some other woman too after you're married. He's the one who will want to stay home with you and the kids Friday nights.
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That is the kind of guy I want. I want to commit
 
Hi green lion eating the sun,

I am one of those guys who is a bit scared to approach a pretty girl. I have improved a bit now...but have a lot to improve.

I read all the comments in the thread. Now that a lot of people shared their opinion why guys don't approach..could u share a few points to be kept in mind while approaching a girl. Now, I know that libraries are the places to meet girl haha.:confused:
 
TIMMY0110 said:
Hi green lion eating the sun,

I am one of those guys who is a bit scared to approach a pretty girl. I have improved a bit now...but have a lot to improve.

I read all the comments in the thread. Now that a lot of people shared their opinion why guys don't approach..could u share a few points to be kept in mind while approaching a girl. Now, I know that libraries are the places to meet girl haha.:confused:
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last night for example a guy friend told me he thought this girl at work liked him very much. finally she showed him the picture of her and the girl she is dating. she is lesbian :emoji_joy: i think it is hard for guys to understand the signals from girls. or they think oh she is playing with her hair so she likes me. it doesn't work like that

i would say body language is really important. you see if there is a chemistry and she is attracted to you and would like to kiss you. my advice is to be very confident, so improve that. you have to go for it and be upfront. the more people you talk to, the more it will be natural. in this way even if a girl rejects you, it doesn't affect you badly. Be courageous. Get out of your comfort zone. It is amazing

i used to put my worth just if a guy told me i was beautiful. no, you have to believe you are beautiful. when a guy left me i usually felt not worthy enough. your value doesn't depend on what others may think of you. love yourself and appreciate who you are totally then other people will appreciate you too :emoji_green_heart:

personally i love books and when i am at a good bookshop i feel at home:emoji_orange_book::emoji_books: :emoji_green_book::emoji_notebook::emoji_notebook_with_decorative_cover:

btw last night i was a this pub with this guy friend and a guy with whom i hang out once a month ago started talking to me saying he saw me while he was sitting inside the pub. i even stopped talking to him coz he said by accident he removed me from facebook. same thing he did with another friend of mine he met

this is just to say if you feel good and are working on yourself and have something to offer to others in the sense of you are not bored in your life and can have lovely conversations and be a beautiful person inside and out (above all inside) people want to be around you and appreciate your presence:emoji_princess::emoji_prince: and you are a people's magnet

It is based on the law of attraction, the second movie is the full movie based on this concept "The Secret" :emoji_grinning: it will change your mindset
 
Firstly green lion eating the sun, This Apeman salutes you. 241 days of nofap is a great achievement.


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Thanks for the info. About, the law of attraction thingy, I coincidentally mentioned about the very same topic just a few hours back, in my journal (https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/my-fight-against-pmo-addiction.133123/page-3).

Keep up the good work.
 
Exactly, men cant tell if its your friend or your boyfriend or t least your date. Stop going out with guys, simple as that...
 
I love threads like this because most of the time it’s guys coming in to play the nice guy by saying “a lot of men are pussies which is why they didn’t approach” or “technology has made men weak” or my favorite “men are clueless when it comes to signals” etc etc in a way of saying “it’s not you OP, it’s them”. That is until @Lazarus Shuttlesworth came in keeping it real af with the possibility of “maybe it’s you OP?”

green lion eating the sun said:
(I have been out of the dating scene for 9 months (quit my p and s addictions for good 7 and a half months ago) I am out of practice
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So you’re jumping back into the dating scenes and expecting instant results, which I would say is your first problem. With dating apps and such there are tons of options for guys, so we’re no longer going to jump for the first available option. Plus let’s be real, a guy who does jump like this is a turn off for most women anyway. Secondly, if you are coming off too forward then you look desperate and desperation is a turn off to men just as much as it is to women. When I’ve had women do it to me it instantly turns me off, even if she’s a 10. Thirdly, stop bumming smokes. It makes you look like a mooch which could be why the guy asked “what are you going to give me”? I know I would have asked the same thing if I saw a girl bumming smokes from everyone until she made it my way.

Lastly, do you want to know what works better than bumming a smoke? Well how about going up to them and saying “Hi! My names is....what’s your name?” This is called an introduction and it’s incredibly effective in conveying the fact that you’re interested in someone.
 
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if you are serious about meeting girls for potential gf id say you need certain spots that have loyal customers to come to like coffee shops or something or take up some kinda lessons,time is your friend here,a girl that well frequently visit that place to have her coffee an read her book or something then just randomly talk to her like you would a good friend slowly an each day open up to her ,thats my guess i have no idea how to get girlfriend lol
 
green lion eating the sun said:
(I'm a girl ) Last night I was at a club with a guy friend and I had several guys who stared at me but didn't approach me

At some point I asked for a cigarette to a group of guys and they said more than once that I was very beautiful. One asked me "what are you gonna give me in return?" I replied annoyed "nothing" and kept talking with my friend. He was a real douchebag saying that stuff

Another guy I asked for a cigarette and when I gave him the lighter back he touched my hand for longer than needed

I asked for a cigarette to girls too but they didn't give me that. It was easier to convince guys lol I have been out of the dating scene for 9 months (quit my p and s addictions for good 7 and a half months ago) I am out of practice

Any advice on why do guys stare at me without approaching? Sometimes I feel I must be the man in the relationship. When I asked for a cigarette guys were much more inclined to talk and show me they were attracted to me
Click to expand...

Generally speaking guys can be such pussies. It's hard to approach someone especially at a nightclub by yourself without coming across as a total dickweed. But, ultimately it stems from confidence I knew buddies who could approach women with no problem whatsover. For me it was harder to go up to women at a club especially a complete stranger and hit on them. It depends on the guy I guess.
 
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