Why do I crush so hard on girls I can’t have?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Reuby, Apr 21, 2019.

  1. Reuby

    Reuby Distinguished Fapstronaut

    why do I fall in love with girls that already have boyfriends. It destroys me
    NF SINCE BIRTH and blacklabel92 like this.
  2. blacklabel92

    blacklabel92 Fapstronaut

    I know what u mean. Im a bartender at a busy nightclub and most of my coworkers are the most beautiful tender creatures you would ever set your eyes on, and they almost always have boyfriends. Thats one thing that pissed me off. and its one thing I've learned about beautiful girls, they know their own beauty, because they have twice the amount of men approaching them than the average looking girls. So they use this to their advantage, (as i would if i were a female) they'll touch you while ur talking to them, laugh at ur stupid jokes, stand super close to you intentionally, give u long hugs trying to plant the seed to have u thinking "theres a possibility here" when in reality their just playing you man. Its sad but oh so true. My advice is if you ever meet another attractive lady whos single, LOCK. THAT. SHIT. DOWN. Then some other dude will be writing a post about being in love with your girl on a forum. Good luck buddy!
  3. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut

  4. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

    Because you don't value your time, energy, focus, and you have nothing better to do.

    You choose to irrationally invest it all on someone who is unavailable and unable to give you what you want.
  5. Sardonic

    Sardonic Fapstronaut

    I used to form these intense crushes just because, subconsciously I guess, I thought I had to. Every single one either A. Had a BF or B. Was very attractive at the expensive of a toxic personality...

    After my last crush not only rejected me but turned out to be a very nasty piece of work I resolved to not let my attraction to people be what drives me. I am able look at someone who I find attractive, pinpoint what I like about them vs what I don't and work out whether or not I should bother (spoiler: It's always a No)

    This is something everyone has to figure out for themselves, best of luck OP.
    Last edited: May 10, 2019
  6. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

    We all want what we cannot have. When you accept that, everything will be clearer.
  7. koolpal

    koolpal Fapstronaut

    It could be because they’re such awesome people, attractive, have great personalities, and comfortable in their relationships. That’s why they’re already in a relationship, engaged, or married.

    I keep running into this, and people tell me to avoid them. But I can’t! I work with them! I see them everyday.

    So I started talking to them like a normal person. And I noticed something...

    Whenever I talk to single women my age, they get so defensive, try to cut the conversation with short answers, and always got their guard up high, make up a bunch of excuses, and seem very tense. It’s so difficult to talk to them!

    Now that I talk to ones already taken, I’ve become more familiar with what a normal conversation sounds like. When we talk about restaurants and movies doesn’t mean I’m asking them out for dinner. We talk about our weekend plans doesn’t mean I’m inviting them over. We talk about dancing doesn’t mean I’m asking them to dance with me. When we talk about cooking doesn’t mean I’m asking them to be my mother and cook for me.

    What a big difference in mindset!

    Yes, I get it. Single women get hit on a lot. So they naturally got their guard up, and are very suspicious, and always on high alert.

    So now when I talk to them, I just talk to them like I do with the ones already taken. Like a normal person.

    Hope that helps.
  8. BecomeMaster

    BecomeMaster Fapstronaut

    TL;DR below.

    You don't have self-control. That means being able to have crushes on other women when you want, and to not have them when it's not a good time. I am trying to learn this, because I realize I'm just wasting my time with crushing on women. I don't know what your outlook on marriage is, but I'd just keep an eye open for potential parters until you meet someone, and then you can let loose those controlled feelings as if that wonderful person was your first love.

    Generally, I find with myself that I crush on girls a lot when I don't really have a known direction, or goal, in my life, and if I am not busy. I'd encourage you to look more towards making a successful career and hobbies, to the point that you are masterful in your trade and social skills that you can then use your higher social status to get an upperhand in finding a single lady who is right for you. It takes a lot of willpower and motivation to focus on your own life rather than pretty girls, but eventually, you will get the better social status and actually gain self-control with crushes over time, so you can discern how to not fall in love with girls that destroy you, as you said.

    TL;DR: Find one thing to do (career- or hobby-wise) do it well. And practice so much that you'll forget pretty girls and instead highten your social value to women.

    Hope this helps.
  9. Welcome to the 21st century where every girl above 18 is taken. Welcome also to the century where you have to hit fast on the girl you like and forget her fast if she's been taken. Goodluck buddy in finding the single one.
  10. Fractured Mindset

    Fractured Mindset Fapstronaut

    This is why abusive relationships are so common.
    NF SINCE BIRTH, Bombadil and EatCake like this.
  11. drac16

    drac16 Fapstronaut

    I believe that girls are like toilets. They're either taken or full of crap.
  12. Reuby

    Reuby Distinguished Fapstronaut

    What the fuck
    NF SINCE BIRTH likes this.
  13. Clean Willy

    Clean Willy Fapstronaut

    That is a vile thing to say @drac16. o_O

    How can you claim to be a Christian and be a misogynist?
    NF SINCE BIRTH and Bombadil like this.
  14. ClickClickBoom

    ClickClickBoom Fapstronaut

    Thats an unusual way of saying that your emotionaly frustrated with women!
    Some women deserve our respect and some don't, same goes for us men.
    Your comment does nothing but create a negative stereotype for men everywhere.
    NF SINCE BIRTH likes this.
  15. ClickClickBoom

    ClickClickBoom Fapstronaut

    Scarcity creates value, your always going to want something more if its scarce or unavailable.
    Don't make a big deal out of it, there is absolutely no scarcity of women out there, eventually you will find what you're looking for.In the meantime your getting experience and maturing more.
    Plus when you finally get what you're looking for you will value it so much more.
    You have to stay in the game if you want to score in it.

    Best wishes,
    NF SINCE BIRTH and Xhiddy like this.
  16. drac16

    drac16 Fapstronaut

    It was a joke. Sorry, I should have been more clear.
    NF SINCE BIRTH and need4realchg like this.
  17. drac16

    drac16 Fapstronaut

    Let's not overestimate my influence. However, I suppose my joke was in poor taste. I'm sorry.
  18. MoreEnergy

    MoreEnergy New Fapstronaut

    One reason could be "emotional immaturity". Every other aspect of you could be matured and reached a high level, but if a certain aspect of your self did not mature (because of sensibility or a trauma in childhood) you will get stuck on that level. In order to not get hurt, you get a crush on girls which are not reachable. But it hurts anyway, right?! I know the feeling. When I was a teenager this was a huge problem. It gets better with time.
  19. therealitycheck

    therealitycheck Fapstronaut

    We can't really help who we are attracted to, however we can control how we respond to such emotions. It took many years but eventually, dwelling on my attraction was no longer an issue. You can acknowledge that you find someone attractive but then you just move on and get on with your day. Don't waste the opportunity though, if you're friends with these girls then learn to interact with them, fine tune your conversation skills, etc. Learn to conduct yourself with someone that you have feelings towards so that it won't hinder you in future romantic pursuits. That would certainly be more productive than a "woe is me" mentality.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  20. akshatragrawal

    akshatragrawal Fapstronaut

    I think you should not perceive it that way.

    It's just that you can't have them NOW. Build yourself as a person and they will come flocking. After all they are humans too.
    CH3RRY likes this.

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