Why do our partners say we have "a big one" when it's just not true?

It's weird that she keeps bringing it up, maybe she really strongly believes that it's beneficial to you to build up your self esteem in that area. I've done the same thing for my wife, she's always been extremely self-conscious about her small breasts and I've convinced her that it is my preference, to the point where she'll comment on how attractive I must find certain women we socialize with who have smaller breasts. If your unwilling to talk to her about it, you'll just have to listen with a smile.

I have a large penis, I've read some of the same studies you have and I'm 98th percentile for length and 89th for girth. Not trying to brag, not like any of you know who I am so what would be the point? Just trying to give a different perspective.

It does get uncomfortable for my wife in certain positions, I have to consciously only go half to 3/4 way in sometimes. She says she likes it, and I believe her, but I'm also confident that what's more important to her is that she loves me and that I do everything I can to tend her needs when we make love. I honestly believe that it's the love and devotion to your partner that makes sex magic, not any anatomical dimensions. In the past when I've gone longer periods without porn the quality of our sex goes up exponentially, and I believe that it's largely because I'm simply more present and more attracted to her at those times.

We can't control our penis sizes, but we can control our porn habits, which I don't doubt impact the relationship in a far more meaningful way.

 

I am completely boggled, too. Do you have a better understanding of her underlying psychology yet? I maintain that my partners four inches is plenty for me and I caught myself correcting him when he referred to himself as small recently. I couldn’t help it, but I felt defensive of his attributes because in all honesty, I feel we are well matched physically. Of the many encounters of my past, his penis is probably my favorite. But still, what makes it is the connection you feel and trust is so damaged, I am starting to feel like it’s not worth the emotional turmoil to encourage myself to stay attracted to him or physically bonded.

weirdly, I feel like I guess it would feel to love your friends dog but have hit a rough patch in the friendship, while still wanting to get to play with the dog. Like, hey bro can I hang out with your dog while you’re at work?

 

dude, get her to join this forum. do it. she knows about your goals , right? maybe you can convince her to come be supportive for the SOs that are just beginning their processing of this thing in their relationship.

would you have a problem with her reading this thread? i don't think anything you have ever said is offensive or insensitive about her. you obviously respect her a lot, but maybe she doesn't understand what goes on in your head like ....at all. give her the opportunity to discover it.

 

p.s.
your description of the relapse is almost....adorable? like, you really don't give up on your goals even when you cave, that's cool. you stay present. you came here and told us about it, so accountable for it. that's pretty interesting to me. you are a curious, always striving, but ever curious and exploratory soul who sees challenges instead of problems and can stare his shadow in the face and take note of the contours, then go run the numbers up in a lighthouse while eating a spirit sandwich.

nah, but really though.....i have this sort of patchwork "comedy" dark humor film under construction in my mind and you have a lot of great contributions to the more light hearted and introspective moments in the plot. this is a great example of one of those moments you might have disappointed yourself but as an observer just kind of have to laugh a little bit at yourself trying to censor the videos as you browse. the human condition and this madness of dualistic western thinking is at peak performance right there! you have a good nature, though, and i just love that about you even though we are like passers by in a hall of life.

 

If she’s only been with a few guys than she wouldn’t know different.

also, just as men are shaped different too. I’ve been with women who felt really tight and some who felt not as tight. So there’s another consideration.

as men some of us obsess about size. Watching porn doesn’t help b/c many of those guys are above average and fueled on Diamond blue pills to stay big and hard. So of course we’re thinking “shit mines nowhere near that size.”

lastly, women are satisfy by many facets of sex: the connection, the sensations on their entire body, dirty talk and so much more. It ain’t just about that D. If you feel lacking in one area max your game in the other areas.

 

you do have an excellent point there.

Spoiler: personal experience on the topic

....i've actually thought about this a lot as far as my own relationship. i initially came here to try to understand the porn addiction better from the more intimate perspective, then found some things that were good for my own recovery as the betrayed, as well as taking a closer look at my own mentalities in regards to sexual health. it's been a very rewarding thing to have access to the insights and community here for a lot of reasons. however, i realized that my being active here was probably going to have an impact on my partner's willingness to open up or participate if he felt like this would be another place i would be breathing down his nape, collecting data or micromanaging his activities. i have no interest in doing any of those things when it comes to anything recovery related.
regardless, here i am. i have done a pretty decent job of being completely ininvolved with his participation here, i think. the obstacle that seems to be in place is that he didn't really ever use the internet for interpersonal connections like i did in my teens, so the concept of posting and reading on a forum seems to be a little obtuse to him as far as finding a rewarding feeling of connectedness and support. i had many of my first relationships from a group of people i was part of on a small forum so i spose it comes easily for me to feel connection and community in the forum setting. anyway, dunno why i wanted to explore this topic but there you are!

p.s. omg i have been using the word diatribe incorrectly for over a decade. :O

 

Women probably hear it from other women that guys never shut up about their dick size. And this is partially true - look at all the threads on this site where people are talking about their dick and balls. Or they've seen porn where a lot of the dirty talk is about how big the guy's thing is. So they likely believe that if they tell you your dick is big, it will give you confidence and make you perform better, even if it's not true. It's not manipulative or dirty, it's just an attempt to please you. It's hard to treat someone well if you feel like shit about yourself, especially in bed. That's my take anyway.

And another thing: why do we ever lie to people that we care about? It's rarely to hurt them. Usually it's easier than telling an uncomfortable truth. So if you're being lied to about something you're insecure about, take it as a sign that they want to protect your feelings.

 

Yeah, when did she leave?

 

I get the feeling from something she wrote earlier that she had given up on him. I’m not sure what she said but it was a feeling I got.

 

Hey @+TenPercent, I really think your GF doesn't mean to harm you by commenting about your size. However, IMHO it's always better to say how we feel. You could let her know that talking about your penis size can trigger you, and that you don't need or want to hear that it's big. Just that it's ok just like it is.

Another POV from the other side of the spectrum: I don't have a monster dong like men in porn, but I'm bigger than average. Some positions can also be uncomfortable with my GF, and although she sometimes comments on my size, one time we broke up for a couple of months and we both had hook ups. No big deal, but this one time she was riding me and she said "He wasn't as big, or as thick as you". I have no reason to believe it's not true, but I felt really uncomfortable being compared like that, even if it was in a "positive" manner. I spent time wondering, what if she told me that just to make me feel better? What if his dick was actually bigger than mine? The chances are slim but there's still a lot of people in this world that could be bigger than me. I understand now, she probably said it because I spent a lot of time making insecure comments about myself, constantly comparing myself to this other dude. She did want to make me feel better, but it was only because I was being such a downer. I talked to her and let her know it made me uncomfortable, even if she was complimenting me in a way. She understood, and said it was a dumb comment to make, even if it was true. Me, I just prefer to not dwell on it. I will never know the truth, so why bother thinking so much about it? The key is to stop comparing yourself. I really believe no man is safe from feeling insecure about their penis, no matter the size. But if your partner is happy, that's the best, isn't it? Who knows, maybe you actually are the biggest she's seen. Either way, my advice would be to stop worrying about it. If you both enjoy a healthy relationship and enjoy each other's company in bed, that's what matters right? And also, let her know how commenting on your size and telling you it's big makes you feel triggered and uncomfortable dude. I seriously doubt your penis is the only reason she's with you, the same way I doubt any part of her body could be the only and most important reason you're with her.