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Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Third_Eye, Sep 18, 2017.
The title says it all. Can a guy, or girl, explain this to me?
Probably something to do with evolution.
Some women do, some don't. Some men do, some don't. It's just personal preferences.
@J4220 @[email protected]
But what do people mean when they say that women or men enjoy being "dominated?"
What do you mean?
Disclaimer: not all women, not all men. But the trend is factually accurate.
Here's a quick summary: sexual selection played a large role in determining what we are today. Women have inherent value to the tribe, because only they can have children. Men do not have inherent value to the tribe. Therefore, men need to earn their place to a greater extent than women do. Unlike most animals, human women are very picky. They will watch how the men sort out their own dominance hierarchy, and reach as high as they can. This translates to men who have strength, ambition, intelligence, and the will protect. In short, women needed someone who was dangerous to everyone but themselves and their children.
Fast forward to the modern era, and this programming has been reinforced through generations of selection. Choosing to be "dominated" is a test in which men walk the fine line between danger and trust. That fine line still exists, but looks very different when our primary threats are financial and social instead of physical.
I'd recommend looking up Jordan Peterson's videos on "developing your shadow" and "what women want." He comes at it from a fascinating psychological perspective.
It means they enjoy the power exchange dynamic. They like being submissive, or being "made" to submit by their partner, either sexually or in every day life.
Let's not discuss 'what women want' as a group, because I assure you I'm a woman and do not belong into these categories. Generalizations on the sexes drive me nuts, and more-so when 'evolution' or 'science' backs it up. Men and women are individuals, let's treat them that way.
To me, that's quite strange.
Different strokes for different folks I guess.
Regarding our ancestors maybe those that submitted produced offspring. Those that didn't where beat to death and didn't produce children.
That doesn't sound related to what I'm asking.
I absolutely agree that we should be treated as individuals. What I said is not absolute, but more like a bell curve. And that bell curve can be a useful mental construct.
For example: a more dominant woman may have a difficult time finding a man who is okay with being the submissive partner. She may doubt herself or be resentful of men as a result. It may be more useful to recognize that there is nothing is wrong with her or with the men. That particular flavor of partner is simply rare to come by.
Personally, I've been using this research to change the way I see myself. I've always thought that more sensitivity and more feeling would help me create a deep and meaningful relationship with a woman, but I fail time and time again to reach an intimate romantic relationship. Then I recognized that I was providing the same experience to them that they might get from their girlfriends - and most straight women don't want to date/marry their girlfriends. Now I'm chaining my focus to things that might make me more generally appealing as a man, rather than a best friend. And I'm having more fun with it too!
Such a girly thing to say.
Porn has distorted your thinking, as almost every fetish has a dom/sub aspect to it.
dominance often implies confidence and conteol, confidence is sexy, doesnt it feel good when you can rely on someone to do something and not worry about it yourself.
Dominance in what context?
The one girl i knew who wanted to be dominated, said that when she was being dominated she knew that the guy was really into her and enjoying himself. Which was a huge turn on.
I guess in her mind it was like, would you rather have sex with someone who is just having sex with you for the sake of having sex, or someone who is massively attracted to you.
It starts young. If as a child, your parent of the opposite gender was dominant, and you were either obedient or notorious and then submissive, that will translate to you being submissive in your relation.
This is my inference from something Freud said along the lines of a man will want a woman at least as good as his mother, and a girl wants one at least as good as her father. This results in men with mommy issues and women with daddy issues.
Not to digress but, I think that could be reason. Also, what Borodin said is making sense to me of you couple it with the fact that every woman wants an alpha male, and every man wants to be one.
And you can't be the alpha if you're the submissive type.
Most women enjoy the 'passive' role. It's just in their nature, it is what attracts guys to girls and vice versa.
I.E most girls enjoy the company of a strong assertive man. I agree that it is somewhat evolutionary. It goes back to the hunter gather times. When women needed to be physically protected by the man from predators and other tribes.
Nowadays, it's not so important, but still the traits like confidence and self assurance are desired. This is why you hear women talk about guys they find physically attractive but won't take it any further because he's still a pussy at heart.