Why do women have to accept porn in a relationship nowadays?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by vanessa123, Mar 22, 2020.

  1. MJ93

    MJ93 Fapstronaut

    I wouldn't say that it's worse than cheating with a real woman, but it's still just as bad. And it's nowhere near healthy at all.

    PMO and relationships do NOT go together.
     
  2. AnthonyAsher

    AnthonyAsher Fapstronaut

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    men understand women, so do women understand men as well.
     
  3. Thank you for sharing the video with all that insight and passion. I take it that is you in the video?

    I feel that every time I looked at porn, I was cheating on some level. And though I never did cheat in real life . . . I was certainly tempted and may have crossed that line eventually.

    And, as you described, seeing so much porn meant that my brain was used to experiencing high levels of sexual stimuli on demand which meant that when I was trying to live real life, I was in withdrawal and always seeking more sexual stimuli (aka checking women out).

    That's great that you are doing hardmode and congrats on 44 days!. In my experience it does get better (a few years into this and have a great gf now and haven't looked at porn since before we started dating) but my brain is still healing and may never heal completely. There is still loads of porn / fantasy in my brain that can be recalled in a moment of weakness, but I think it is slowly dying because I am not feeding it!
     
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  4. MJ93

    MJ93 Fapstronaut

    No, that's not me.. lol. But I can relate everything he said there.

    Thanks

    It won't heal if you keep thinking about porn and sex. Try to stop thinking about them. I did, and it's been turning out better for me.
     
    Last edited: Mar 25, 2020
    +TenPercent likes this.
  5. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

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    Great point.

    There is a strong scientific correlation between cheating and pornography use. The more you look, the more you want, and inhibitions gradually grinds down into nothing.

    My friend, who's fiancee have long been a heavy porn user, have always downplayed his behaviour, claiming they were so open with each other sexually that infidelity would not occur ("he even watches it with me!"). This is her first real relationship, and unfortunately she has been brainwashed into thinking that all heterosexual women spend their evenings rating cam girls with their significant other ("I prefer the men of course, but for him it's so important that we look at breasts so I agree").Two days ago, she found out that he had been sleeping with someone else that he met online. Being liberal and "open minded" doesn't safe guard anything, quite the opposite.

    Unfortunately, any spouse that welcomes porn into their home also invites a potential deviant partner, one that puts thrill above love, secrets over intimacy, kink over passion. Not everyone experience serious side effects with porn of course, but for the majority who does, these can be quite severe.
     
  6. I can definitely see how this could be a pathway for some (and maybe more so for extroverts than introverts?) but my path took a very different tack.
    The more I looked at porn (about 4 hours a day sometimes) and excessively masturbated, the more I experienced relationship troubles in my 20's and almost total dating failure/rejection in my 30's.
    I also think that I experienced shame about these behaviours (as a teen I fantasied about being caught and punished) which grew exponentially as my porn addiction developed.

    I ended up drawn to the humiliation (emasculation, cuckold, sissy, femdom etc.) genres as I sub-consciously tried to find freedom by destroying my masculinity. It seemed to explain why I was such a "loser" while taking me to new heights of arousal.

    Long story short: I didn't turn into a cheater because I struggled to get into a relationship in the first place and I fantasised about not getting any sex and being rejected for being an inadequate porn addicted masturbator while other men had sex with the girl(s) of my dreams. :oops:

    Severe indeed!!
     
  7. Raven King

    Raven King Fapstronaut

    I remember the subject of porn coming up with some of my guy friends. One of my good friends mentioned that his wife was upset with him watching porn, because that made her feel not good enough for him. He told her that it was only natural that men watch porn and that it gives you certain things that a normal relationship cannot. I was blown away when I heard him said that. Of course porn use makes women (and men) feel inadequate for their partners. It is not normal at all! But for some reason our society has accepted it as something that everyone does and no one talks about. People are still shameful about it... since no one really wants to admit to using porn and masturbating. It's a hidden addiction that affects so many people, couples and families.

    I hope porn can once again be seen as the twisted thing it is and shunned by the public. But we, in the West, have lost many of the strong moral values that we had 60-70 years ago. It is affecting our structures in society.
     
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  8. fedmom

    fedmom Fapstronaut

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    Don't know if this is still a problem for you but I have a method that has cured this addiction for me.
     
  9. Rev2.0

    Rev2.0 Fapstronaut

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    It works against the woman, making her feel she's not good enough, but over time it works against the man too. He starts believing he's not handsome or buff enough, he's too old, his dick is too small, he can't last long enough or shoot big enough loads. It totally strips his masculine confidence and without healthy confidence a man is dead in the water in practically any aspect of life.
     
  10. JustADude

    JustADude Fapstronaut

    It might be true that the majority of wives of PA husbands on nofap have high libidos... that seems to be true. But, it might also be true that high libido wives are more likely to seek out the nofap website.

    It seems the opposite is true when you read the married men's journals. A majority of married men's journals claim they have a higher libido than their wives and a majority of PA men seem to jump at the chance to have sex with their wives. The men's journals are a larger sample set and are more likely to be indicative of the rest of the world.

    Of course, that is all off my gut feel from partially reading hundreds of journals on the nofap forums over the past few years. But... I definitely don't think it is safe to conclude that porn is destroying a majority of married men's desire to have sex with their wives. I will agree that it happens to a large minority of PA though. PIED is real and very common, but is it the majority of PA men, probably not. Choosing porn over sex with the spouse is real and very common, but is i the majority of PA men, probably not.
     
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  11. MerseyPhoenix

    MerseyPhoenix Fapstronaut

     
  12. MerseyPhoenix

    MerseyPhoenix Fapstronaut

    This "sex Drive" thing is very dubious to me. Men tend to be more stressed and use sex as a de-stresser and then get a reputation as having a higher sex drive. For many men, sex is a distraction from the stress of real life.
     
  13. MerseyPhoenix

    MerseyPhoenix Fapstronaut

    This Post is spot on and has been, not surprisingly, responded to, by men, in a way that misses the point. Porn fulfils the whole "I want to therefore I will" mantra of men. It's not a given in real life that sex is "on-tap" but it is with porn. It's like a mistress who never says no.
     
  14. MerseyPhoenix

    MerseyPhoenix Fapstronaut

    If there was one sentence that summed up NoFap it is this one.
     
  15. SaturnDaytona456

    SaturnDaytona456 Fapstronaut

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    My sibling was a meth addict about ten years ago and thankfully started the process of recovery before things got "too bad" ... Long story short I asked about what it was like to begin recovery and they said it was like being told you can "never have sex again". I had friends who told me that heroin was a similar feeling, and that the very thought of going without it becomes your worst nightmare. I was thankful that I never fell into a trap like that, little did I know I already had. I know that porn won't kill a person the way meth and heroin does, but I'll tell you this much...... Giving it up has been a full blown war; in my head. It makes quitting alcohol or nicotine seem easy to me. The thought of being porn free makes me almost physically sick when I'm having an urge; but its a battle worth fighting. I have been single all of my adult life and I think porn is a huge reason why. I didn't have the FIGHT that an unsatisfied useful man is supposed to have, but much more importantly, the woman I am looking for doesn't need a horn-dog hedonist slave to his urges for a husband. I wouldn't want "my porn use" to be normal for her. I'm the first male in my family line to go up against the high speed internet nude buffet- I was savvy and kinky and all the wrong things for an addiction like this- worst of all perhaps was my creativity. I knew how to use porn very well, as well as person probably could. It's a battle worth fighting that's all I can really say. Keep going.
     
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  16. PornSux2019

    PornSux2019 Fapstronaut

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    Are you saying men and women have the same level of sex drive? I am always a bit baffled by people believing this. Despite all social conditioning of what male and female sexuality is supposed to be, male and female sexual design is very different and that is just scientific fact. Do you realize that when a woman has sex, biologically/evolutionarily speaking, she commits to sacrificing her body for 9 whole months? Become vulnerable during that time and after when raising and taking care of the offspring? Do you realize that when a man has sex, he just has to be efficient in finding a healthy body and releasing his genetic material as often as possible to increase the chances of continuing the species? That is also why women’s sexual attraction and arousal works more complex than a man’s and is not just based on visuals, but personality, social status etc. There are many factors influencing sexuality, but biological design plays by far the biggest role, just as wanting to eat food or wanting to sleep is hardwired into our biological instincts.
     
  17. MerseyPhoenix

    MerseyPhoenix Fapstronaut

    I'm aware that this is a very useful argument if you believe in differences. For me, it's immaterial, men's porn addiction arises from not being able to deal with stress; women deal with stress by talking and touching, generally. Men bottle everything up and use porn/drugs/drink.
    Your argument disregards the fact that some women like to masturbate, but the vast majority aren't bothered about it. Wanking is not a female problem for a reason.
     
  18. This was a very interesting perspective for me to read.
     
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