Why do you PMO and how do you feel after?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Namekian23, Oct 28, 2014.

  1. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys. I just wanna ask you all a question. I've realized that certain people PMO for a certain reason or number of reasons. So I just wanna know your thoughts on this topic. For me, I PMO because I feel stressed or maybe a little sad sometimes. Afterwards I feel pretty guilty and pissed off. Some PMO out of boredom which is a tiny bit stupid in my opinion; and out of all the other reasons too. And I know during the beginning it "used" to feel really good to some of you. So give me your thoughts on why you PMO and how do you feel afterwards.
     
  2. HandzOff

    HandzOff Fapstronaut

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    Why? At this point, I don't know. Pretty much because its become compulsive behavior. I don't get any sort of aesthetic satisfaction out of watching porn, but I do it anyway.

    And after, I feel like shit. Depressed because I've relapsed; disinterested in what's going on around me; oddly guilty (I'm not religious, but I feel guilty all the same); and generally awkward around people.

    Classic signs of addictive, destructive behavior I suppose, haha.
     
  3. welmwerth

    welmwerth Fapstronaut

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    Good question.

    First of all, I think it's quite likely that some do it out of boredom. It's probably one of the most accessible "entertainment" that taps right into our primal side. It doesn't take much to feel good (at least in the early stage).

    There are no rules to learn, no money to pay (or not a lot, at least in comparison to other things), no skills to develop, no complex interactions or procedures to follow - just the imagery and well... the act. That's it and boom, instant gratification. So, yeah, I can totally see someone doing this out of boredom.

    As for me. I did it out of a number of reasons, but in the later stages of my life and addiction - it was because I wanted to escape from various things (I supposed other forms of addictions also lean toward escapism as a reason).

    I wanted to escape from my perceived stresses of work, anxieties, fears, failures and loneliness (especially at my current stage in life). I didn't want to think about any of that and I knew I could just easily get away from them, even if it's for a few minutes or hours (if I waste time seeking them out). It became a horrible routine that led nowhere.

    After thinking it some more. It isn't just the MO, it's the P and the fantasies. They don't judge or make fun of me. They seemed unhindered (to the extent of my "acceptable boundaries"). But that's the problem, they don't exist in my real life and I don't think they should.

    There are times that I get overwhelm by the need to PMO. I think, "Ugh, I need to get some other things done, but I need to do this. Okay, let's get it over and done with." So, this is just going through the motions. Afterwards, I'm drained and I don't want to do anything else.

    Overall, after the act, I feel like I've wasted precious energy and time. Unfortunately, that obsession is so strong that it blinded me from what I know will happen afterwards. It's like being trapped in the same thing.
     
    Last edited: Oct 29, 2014
  4. Persi

    Persi Guest

    I agree a lot with what welmwerth said. I do it out of habit, and mainly, as a form of escapism.

    It's just the quickest way to numb the negative feelings in our lifes. The desperation, the loniless, the separation, the problems and stress we feel each day is hard to cope with if we don't have the right lifestyle. And that requires stepping out of our comfort zone. It takes time, sweat, and commitment.

    So the easier option instead of embracing and solving these feelings, is to just numb them. Stuff them in the closet. Put them in the trunk. I eat junk food, I watch TV, I listen to the media, I watch porn. Because it's comfortable, and it makes the negative feelings go away for a moment. But then next day I feel the same, I numb it again, and the vicious cicrle goes on.

    As how I am now, I'm proud to say that instead of indulging in those activities every day, I now have other outlets to channel my negative feelings to, and rarely do them, like once in every 2-3 weeks when I feel really tired & down. That is when autopilot kicks in. :)


    We are all here making the change, taking the hard route of noFAP, failure after failure, slowly breaking out of that circle! And that is something to be prouf of mates!
     
  5. Dad

    Dad Fapstronaut

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    I got into a habit where I couldn't start my day in earnest until I got myself off. Then it got to the point where if I ran into something the least bit challenging, I would desperately need to fapp. Then everything would be ok again.
    It got to the point that constant fapping or planning to fapp became the norm. God that was fucked up.
    Tried to quit many times but without support. I had no idea that NoFap existed.
    I didn't start feeling crappy after fapping until I realized how much time and energy that I was robbing from myself. Then the guilt hit hard.
    Currently, I struggle with disciplining myself enough to replace all of that unused fapp time in my schedule. It's coming along, but slowly.
     
  6. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    I know a lot about the whole "comfort zone" thing. I used to be very depressed, lonely, separated, etc. at one point in my life when I dropped out of high school. My anxiety was off the roof too, so social activities were out of the question. I was much worse then and I PMO'd probably 5x as much. Fortunately, I'm in college right now and I'm also on meds for my anxiety. Yes, I totally agree; it takes a lot courage to step out of your comfort zone and very slowly make your way up the ladder. I do PMO here and there, but I try very hard to keep my mind from doing that kind of stuff. Do a workout maybe, listen to music, do something at your school, etc. Something that's active and productive. Before, I would freak out at the thought of it. But yes, we're all making a change together, slowly, but surely...
     
  7. anthrope

    anthrope Fapstronaut

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    Why do we PMO? I have learned so much more about addiction psychology during my past two weeks of nofap, since I am replacing many of the PMO urges with learning about what is causing the urge in the first place.

    At this point my semi-informed opinion would be this:
    1. Addiction is always about self image. There is a deeply embedded sense of not being worthy, and this usually manifests as a powerful feeling of insecurity and need for some form of closure.
    2. The addictive substance (porn, coke, C2H5OH, food, work) fires up the reward center in the brain. As a child, the addict stumbles upon this, and finds how pleasurable it feels. So she/he starts repeating the behavior in order to feel the pleasure again and again, simply to achieve the closure that their inner insecurity demands.
    3. Long term addiction rewires the reward center in the brain, and only the addictive substance appears to fire up the reward center, but only when the dosage is increased. More coke, more food, more porn or more variety in porn, etc.
    4. It is possible to start rewiring your reward center. Being mindful is a very good way to set about this. Each time the open ended feeling of insecurity shows up, which you usually fill with the addictive substance, be alert and mindful as long as you can. If you fail, that's okay, as long as you remember to be mindful just a little more each time.
    5. It is possible to entirely reverse the pathology to the brain caused by addictive behavior, simply by being aware of the behavior as it manifests. Again, mindfulness to the rescue. The intense discomfort of resisting your addiction is actually because your addiction related neural network is firing on all cylinders, and your reward center is demanding a hit. Once you start seeing your discomfort as brain rewiring, you start slowly being okay with it. This process takes time for most people.
    6. More mindfulness meditation = more results. Learning to simply be in the present moment, and learning to gently nudge your attention back to the present, no matter what thoughts drag it away, is your best bet against any addiction. Once this faculty of moving your attention from a thought to the present moment becomes established, you can do so with ease when the addictive thought shows up.
    7. Addiction removal is only a fraction of the story. There is a wonderful life full of love, friends, harmony and energetic accomplishment that being addiction free is all about. To actively start living this life without waiting for the addiction to be gone is the proper way. Every added measure of energy you get from not indulging in your addiction must be devoted to living your ideal life. Now.
     
  8. MichaelMichaelson

    MichaelMichaelson Fapstronaut

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    At this stage in my life I'd probably say it's nothing more than just a force of habit. because honestly it doesn't even feel THAT good to orgasm for me anymore since I do it daily. usually I just feel tired and like I wanna lay down and do nothing when I'm done haha.
     
  9. CKeleven

    CKeleven Fapstronaut

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    The trigger to PMO in my case are feeling stressed and/or depressed, being bored and following a daily habbit/ritual. I did PMO basically in or after stress situations (e.g. after a meeting at work) and additionally as a daily ritual before going to bed. During weekend / spare time because I had nothing else to do or wasn't able to.

    The reason behind I think is that I never learned to deal with problems in a proper way. And this lead me into a vicious circle because masturbation as problem solver made me more or less unable to have social interaction, which - due to anxiety and a lack of self confidence - created new problems (=more masturbation) and no social contact also means a lot of free time and being bored (= extra more masturbation). Plus the daily ritual...
     
  10. FutureGuitarGod

    FutureGuitarGod Banned by User Request

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    I do it to have something to do before bed. The problem is, I no longer feel a rush. It's like I'm going through the motions and chasing after the thrill I once had. I guess you could say that I'm experiencing a form of flatline. Afterwards, I used to feel elated, but now it's a feeling of boredom and dissappointment.
     

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