Why does an urge rise out of nowhere in mind?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Honey_Singh_420, Jul 17, 2020.

  1. Honey_Singh_420

    Honey_Singh_420 Fapstronaut

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    I'm in middle of doing my office wok or learning a new skill, didn't even come across a stimulating ad or even thought. Then all of a sudden, an urge pops up in my mind. Why does this happen and what should i do?
     
  2. Honey_Singh_420

    Honey_Singh_420 Fapstronaut

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    I'm in middle of something, had not even come across a stimulating ad or even thought. Suddenly, a thought to visit same websites pops up in my mind. Why does this happen and what i must do?
     
  3. Something something something neural pathways something something hormonal cycle something something.

    What you must do is resist the urges! As far as I'm aware there is no other way. Of course you can also take steps to make it harder for yourself to access these websites. I haven't tried it but some rely on this to keep them from messing up.
     
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  4. This is the kind of question that keeps psychologists studying the human brain all the time. It is never out of the blue. But realizing this arms you with knowledge. When you understand it is not out of the blue, you reduce the power of porn to sway you. It keeps you a step ahead of it. Good luck. You can do this.
     
  5. HelperX

    HelperX Fapstronaut

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    You should think about the consequences. You will feel like shit if you relapse, so don't fall for it.
     
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  6. StarRider

    StarRider Fapstronaut

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    I only had these urges when I still believed in porn addiction. Since I stopped believing in it, they disappeared.
     
  7. Randy Andy

    Randy Andy Fapstronaut

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    It does and it doesn't. I have a friend who is a pm+ addict and like me has been kept from having to use for years and we once had an argument over "you can control your thoughts.". Put that aside by saying we are not now in complete control of them there is an amount of randomness to then if nothing else. Putting that in its place (is not at the center of this discussion) helps me see that a lot of my thinking about pm+ comes from my actions and motives over both the long and short term. In the short term if I watch certain things on TV, stare at people or pictures, a million little things that could occur, I might not even notice that I'm giving my self, my attention to them much less notice any effect they might or might not have. The scientific method requires a certain process of careful inquiry based on observation of data and open mindedness to hypotheses but we often just waltz through life oblivious. Even a lot of scientists, discussing things as psuedo science can sometimes be like this, sometimes just fallacious reasoning such as not wanting to find out an answer one does not like or had publicly disagreed with prior to checking.
    So I'm a big fan of awareness as a starting point, it is very unlikely that I can do anything about a problem I don't know I have. And I became convinced that many very small actions in my short term daily life were accumulating and it only seemed to me to be sudden and out of left field due to lack of consciousness.
    And if course this is easier to see in the long term: I watched pornography and stared at people fantasizing and so on and so on for many hours each week for years, so there are effectively petabytes of porn in my head not to mention obviously when some is deleted I can always make more. It could be putting more in from outside or more common for me was and is my mind making its own without adding me for permission :). I have a little pornographer running around my brain, hard to delete it all when as I do that he is tucking new ones in little unconscious corners :)
     
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  8. Randy Andy

    Randy Andy Fapstronaut

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    Thoughts are tricky, we don't always notice them. This isn't to get into shame, that could become a witch hunt of "oh no I probably thought something and didn't realize, I need to be vigilant". That's worse than useless.
    Where we can go with it instead is I'm not going to be able to explain this perfectly it even well enough to figure it out myself so I need a solution that is not limited by my ability to police myself. I have found one that has kept me from having to use pm+ for seven years, to be exact 2684 days all in a row no breaks :). And happiness at the same time, if my way of staying sober makes me less happy I'll lend up using pm+ to "feel better.".
    But back to the topic, I am not stronger than my mind, I am not able to control for example my dreams about other things. I am not stronger than my body, these both are part of me and things I depend on (obviously I have some control, and some things I have influence but not all things for example I cannot stop through will my nerves from firing pain signals when triggered not can I mentally raise or lower my blood pressure. In a building we could raise or lower the water pressure, why when I live in my body can I not have that superpower? ;) )
    Sometimes for me it seems to be random and just as often if I look carefully I'll find a plausible reason or even several. But again what has worked for me had not required that it just tends to make me feel better to have a good guess. It's kind of like when Luke pestered Yoda and he said "there is no why!"
    As to what to do here what I do. I call other sober happy kind pm+ addicts (rare) and tell specifically what is being felt and what else is going on recently. If I noticed any thoughts I talk specifically about those then I do what they tell me if anything, sometimes they do or don't give advice, sometimes they see it as likely random, whatever they say I go with that as something more trustworthy than my mind and my broken patterns of thinking.
    I did that a lot, in my case there was a big trigger. But I've thing I notice about that too is that it depends a lot on internal states and nice and also on what I am doing to participate in a positive way of life because sometimes a big trigger comes by and I feel nothing not then and not days later, characterized by processes like awareness that it is triggering but I am in a different state. So it's less about an absolute truth as about practice
     
  9. saline

    saline Fapstronaut

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    Even though you have 500+ days pm free, do you still fantasize looking at people or do you still sexualize random women?
     
  10. Arnuld

    Arnuld Fapstronaut

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    This happens to me all the time. I typically get one scene or scenario in my head and it becomes an obsession. And yes it can come out of nowhere.
     
  11. Randy Andy

    Randy Andy Fapstronaut

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    It's important to look at the difference between on purpose versus obsession which are thoughts that come unbidden. Like Arnuld I do notice the second kind, not on purpose, pretty much every day. I recently got in a good analogy: excrement. It is a safety issue if not handled correctly yet we do it every day in secret and hide it. But it's ok for it to happen every day if we have a working solution i.e. indoor plumbing. And it certainly isn't as if we choose it, it just happens, naturally. It needs careful management or it becomes a health issue (this hay if the analogy may not make sense to non addicts, people who just pm+ too much, but for me obsessive fantasy can be a health hazard in a very literal sense), and there is a very practical system for flushing obsessive fantasy and objectification.
     
  12. Randy Andy

    Randy Andy Fapstronaut

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    I've noticed that people, especially addicts, sometimes hear things that were never said, so I should button this up by saying that I never fantasize on purpose. There were about five or more years at the beginning of my active addiction that I did fantasize on purpose a lot, then switched pretty quick to ten years of trying to stop in which it was mostly obsessive unbidden, increasingly until about a decade ago I rarely did it on purpose and now I never do.

    It is so hard for us to know up from down because this addiction has such a strong mental component to it. As I try to recover my mind actively undermines and sabotages my efforts to give up pm+
    One thing that helps is know ing I don't have to believe everything that I think. Another is asking for and accepting help directly from another human, that way I know I'm not being tricked by my broken brain.
     
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