why god why is this all happening to me

What do you mean by 'this' dude?

 

life and death is much more than PMO

It depends on your belief and your purpose of life

Stay strong buddy . We r all in this togather

 

So you want to stop PMO, so you can commit suicide. I fail to see the logic here. Why would you improve your life by stopping PMO only to end it?

Dude you are 19, you have your whole life ahead of you, do not let a bad period ruin it.

 

You have to explain yourself better.

 

I am nearing 50, and I haven't had a steady relationship with female since 1998. 2 gf's, 1 year. Months before my 1st gf, I saw this smokin'-hot woman and I tried like, forever and I finally did get her number. We talked some on the phone, but we never went out on a date. Not even close. Called her one night and she didn't want to have anything to do with me. There really wasn't anything I did wrong, but if I called back, I would be arrested. Talk about personal. Excuuuuse me! ANd then my only gf's in my life. 1st one almost led to sex. 2nd was a **** and she never did let me reach that ultimate, final pleasurable, feeling. How fucking sad. I don't have, and never did have, much faith in myself and the confidence to come close to furthering a conversation with female. (unless with a co-worker) What happens when you absolutely have no clue as to what to say? I call this having a 'blank' mind. This happens way too often. I can't keep people interested in what I have to say. I've tried 2 or 3 dating sites, but no success. Yes, a photo increases the chances, but still. I'm forever lost. To sum it all up, 2 gf's (each lasting no more than 3 weeks). Trying to find my place in this world, and life is growing shorter and shorter and shorter....

 

Anyone that seeks death won't be able to stop PMO.

PMO is an escape from pain, problems, and negative experiences. Death is the ultimate form of that escape.

Take responsibility for your quality of life. People that blame external things and people self sabotage themselves because staying a victim and not working towards the life that you desire is a lot easier.

People who are successful in life seek, embrace, work with, step into, bask in, and harness adversity, tension, problems, pain, uncertainty, discomfort, and negative experiences. They don't escape it. They want to live. They want to experience both the negative and the positive. Those who seek only the positive and try to erase any possibilities of the negative gravitate towards porn. Because porn is easy, comfortable, and guaranteed instant gratification. It's also not real. It's empty and numb. It's depressing and disempowering. It's being over stimulated with fake rewards for something you didn't have to grow as a person to achieve. It's not life. It's seeking the ultimate form of escape and comfort called death.

 

Sometimes I ask myself the same question, why me, God?! but it I realized that it's not God, it's me and always me.

 

Hey you... Stop this. You are the person responsible for your actions. You are the one that digged this deep to hide in it and now you can't get out whenever you want to. If you are ready to die then why don't you use it to overcome all your fear and addiction. You are ready to die ? okay... I don't think your addiction and fear are going to go this far. Because when you die they will die with you. They can't risk it to go this far but you can. At least use it as a strategical move to got a trump card. FIGHT! FIGHT WITH EVERYTHING YOU GOT EVEN IF IT FEELS LIKE HELL BECAUSE YOU ALREADY KNOW HOW PAIN AND FEELING NUMB FEELS LIKE! FIGHT BACK!
Does it hurt to fight ? Good. Right now pain is your best friend. Because pain is the proof that you are still alive... Pain will never lie to you. So keep fighting! I believe in you, kid... There is hope... there is always hope. Because hope is born in our darkest moments.

 

Thats what heroes do. We save hearts not just lives

 

I heard said “Life is difficult but it is more difficult for those who refuse to believe how difficult it is.”

 

The funny thing is that your plan could actually work. If you force yourself to not PMO out of spite for a long enough period of time, you probably won't want to kill yourself by then anyways.

 

This is why

https://wahiduddin.net/thinketh/as_a_man_thinketh.pdf

 

Friend, take my opinion with a pinch of salt, because I'm speaking without knowing your full situation and making conclusions from just one post on a forum.
But having said that, I think it's no wonder that you don't know what to say sometimes, because, at your respectable age, you still can refer to a woman as a "slut" or "female".
I'm trying to imagine what would be a "good thing to say to female", and, just like you, have white noise in my head. Because there's no such generic "right female, hopefully not another slut, thing to say". Women are people. Each with a personality, troubles and preferences, just like you. See if you can switch your focus from "talking to women" to "talking to this particular person, here and now". You may get to know one as a person, and won't have so much trouble connecting.
In my poorly informed opinion, you are having trouble because you made the concept of a sex partner, as well as you happiness in life, too abstract and theoretical.

 

Yes it is. But there is no number of days that promises when you will stop. It all depends on us. Some need 2 months some years. It doesn't matter.... because the only way to reach this goal is to go for it. No matter how long it takes.

 

This present evil world is fallen and temporary. Make the most out of your life.