Why I am doing what I am doing

I have many failed attempts to quit PMO. The reason I failed was I peeked over some nudes or some porn sites. Now I find if I feed my brain little thoughts of sex or some images of any kind which gives me pleasure I would eventually relapse. This time whenever I have negative thoughts (saw some image and think sex act) etc I just think what I am doing, then I start doing something else anything like cooking, cleaning etc to take my mind off to that thought it works but it's quite difficult. The problem is if there is any negative thought mind enjoys it I have to train myself to not be trapped in that thought. I started learning about brain, neurons etc. I can confidently say that our porn addict minds have created pathways and can fantasize even if something are not related to sex or porn. Creating new pathways have lot of resistance but it's possible.
These days I completely stopped looking at porn or thinking about sex because it leads to porn. Now what the problem is I open some sites not porn sites anything like google and then I think why I open it. I sometimes open news site and think why I open it and sometime youtube. It feels like I don't know what to do, or I don't know the purpose like what I have to do. It feels so empty like I am zombie, no emotions like I don't know what I am doing. The only thing I know is I have to quit PMO. It's not like I don't have goal I have an important exam coming I have to prepare but I don't feel like studying. Then I go to see some memes videos and facebook. It started looking boring and I don't like it anymore. It's hard to explain it's like I want to find something good to do some goal but if I find the goal I don't want to do it. It's almost like being dead the only thing I like is sleeping. I am sleeping 2 to 3 times in a day without any PMO.

 

I play music with no lyrics while learning, with lyrics mind starts thinking about it. But sometimes I need very good focus to understand some of the convoluted topics. If I don't understand it I get frustrated and then I go back to PMO again. It's been so many years so I started understanding this cues. Instead of fighting by studying more I felt it more easier to not study at all just in order to not fall in PMO trap again. I don't know if my thinking is wrong I feel like after 15 to 30 days of no PMO mind becomes more calm and then I will be better.