Why I am so isolated...

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by melancholy king, Nov 19, 2015.

  1. melancholy king

    melancholy king Fapstronaut

    I have no girlfriend, no close friends, and I feel isolated often. I used to think that I was just cold, or too "strong", or whatever, now I realize that my issue goes deeper.

    See for a whole list of reasons just about everyone I ever got close to has left; my parents abandoned me when I was but a boy, my friends are all either in a different state or simply stopped communicating with me, my first love left me for another guy then told me later on she couldn't be with someone who was bi (still pisses me off a little), and my family mostly never visits me and the people who I once lived with were horrid so I would force myself into my room all day, locked up in my "dungeon" playing games constantly to get my mind off of things.

    It isn't entirely everyone else's fault either, see because I assume everyone is going to leave me I avoid approaching most people, and even when I do I feel anxious and stressed out, like if I don't act a certain way and do certain things that they will just move on, it goes even further than so much so that I will intentionally ignore females that I am attracted to because I feel deep inside that I'm not good enough for them, and it goes on and on.

    My point is that I feel abandoned, and because of that I abandon others before they can come close, its a self fulfilling prophecy where the snake will continue to eat its own tail until there is nothing left. I am in the process of seeking some sort of therapy, still I would greatly appreciate any advice one can offer me, hopefully something that could alleviate this fear of mine.
    terminalparadox and zero01 like this.
  2. JoeinMD

    JoeinMD Fapstronaut

    Great self-revelation and self-understanding - about the self-fulfilling prophesy and how you have learned (to protect your ego) to reject people before they can reject you - that kind of thing. If you have the inkling and opportunity for counseling, definitely go for it - all in the name of growth and self-improvement. Why don't you also try a social experiment here and there and put yourself out there, even if it might give back limited results -- for no one can be there all the time for another person - and our sink-holes of neediness cannot realistically be filled by another person in their entirety. Hence, instead of seeking out others from your neediness, which will only attract codependent relationships or self-fulfilled rejections, why not try the following social experiment: A wise man once said: "Where there is no love, put love, and thereby draw out love." Try extending care or love to other people on any level whatsoever and without any expectation to receive back, but simply just to give love (which is what loving another person is really all about anyway), and then see if such seeds come back to you in unexpected ways - not so much that you are giving your love to get something in return, but just because when we become more loving and giving, life will naturally open up to us in many surprising ways and bring love into our lives in many surprising ways as well - and if through all of this you indeed learn to love yourself more as well, then you will be at peace with yourself when alone and be at peace with others when they are in your life and when they are not. Basically, you open yourself up to life and love, rather than shut out these things altogether. It's worth a try. Why not? Go for it!
  3. Meashy

    Meashy New Fapstronaut

    After reading your comments, I thought of a saying I had read and believe this is for you..."A STRONG POSITIVE mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug that simultaneously annoy more people than you can ever imagine". What can be worse than to feel/be alone! Everybody needs at least one friend who will not abandon them and be there to help in any way possible. It's sad that most of the people in your life haven't been there when you needed them...but YOU can have the last laugh on them all.

    You are in the right place to have the help you need and possibly find a friend who you can feel free to communicate with...someone who will help lift you up...not put you down. You must believe in yourself before you ask someone else to believe in you. When I decide to tell my story, you will understand why I have such compassion for everyone on here who is struggling with or addicted to PMO and/or SSA; I lost my marriage because of these.

    Though I am MUCH older than you, I will be a friend/listener if ever needed. I hope each day will bring you closer to the goal/s you are reaching for.
    melancholy king likes this.
  4. melancholy king

    melancholy king Fapstronaut

    @JoeinMD @Meashy Thank you for the advice!

    Meashy I understand what you are saying, its easier said than done though, I have an enormous amount of respect and confidence in myself, its just an issue that I can't seem to shake, I might try to forcibly tell myself that "I am lovable" more often, might help a little.

    Joe I know that these people didn't necessarily leave me on purpose, they had their own reasons and so I understand that, but it doesn't come from a logical side of me, it comes from a deeper crevice than I know how to rid myself of.

    Giving love to others is an interesting thing to say, I am a genuinely kind person I believe, but people can often take advantage of you so I try to avoid putting my heart out on display for everyone to see, that really doesn't have anything to do with what I was saying earlier, its just something that people typically do.
  5. IGY

    IGY Guest

    Hi @melancholy king. I can relate to the emotions and situations you describe. I would encourage you to do some reading in the book: I hate you, don't leave me. It is a book about borderline personality disorder (BPD). What you have said fits!
  6. GmanUK

    GmanUK Fapstronaut

    Hey, Counselling or psychotherapy could definately be useful for you brother, particularly if you are aware of a deeper seated issue. Im not sure that just thinking positive is going to cut it for you, although its always a good idea.

    In the world of psychology (particularly Jungian psychology) there is a lot of talk about the importance of archetypes which are powerful subconscious blueprints that shape all of our lives for good and for ill.

    When reading your post I was reminded immediately of the Orphan Child archetype (see below) and the potential it holds for personal growth. It may be an area worth looking at as if you choose to see your situation in a positive light, you will find empowerment and a new direction. Hope this helps.

    Child: Orphan
    The Orphan Child is the major character in most well known children’s stories, including Little Orphan Annie, the Matchstick Girl, Bambi, the Little Mermaid, Hansel and Gretel, Snow White, Cinderella, and many more. The pattern in these stories is reflected in the lives of people who feel from birth as if they are not a part of their family, including the family psyche or tribal spirit. Yet precisely because orphans are not allowed into the family circle, they have to develop independence early in life. The absence of family influences, attitudes, and traditions inspires or compels the Orphan Child to construct an inner reality based on personal judgment and experience. Orphans who succeed at finding a path of survival on their own are celebrated in fairy tales and folk stories as having won a battle with a dark force, which symbolically represents the fear of surviving alone in this world.

    The shadow aspect manifests when orphans never recover from growing up outside the family circle. Feelings of abandonment and the scar tissue from family rejection stifle their maturation, often causing them to seek surrogate family structures in order to experience tribal union. Therapeutic support groups become shadow tribes or families for an Orphan Child who knows deep down that healing these wounds requires moving on to adulthood. Identifying with the Orphan begins by evaluating your childhood memories, paying particular attention to whether your painful history arises from the feeling that you were never accepted as a family member.
    ICleansedMe likes this.

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