Why I Lose.And why I will keep losing (I think)

Bro I understand.

I was the same way in high school, once I started NoFap and really started getting somewhere, my confidence shot up like a rocket. Girls are attracted to someone who's confident, but you don't have to be douchey to be confident. It's more like they're attracted to someone who is stable, and I found that stability through NoFap, accompanied with exercise and devoting my time to my studies entirely.

Now, a couple years later, I've come to understand how to fake that stability to get with girls in a shallow manner instead of just being friends with them. That's no good either. In fact, that's pretty bad too.

My advice? Just start exercising and finding a hobby. Building muscle really helped build my confidence. Takes time and patience, but what doesn't? As for a hobby, guitar was/is a relatively inexpensive one, but there's tons out there.

Guess what? I haven't followed these myself. I've been working a manual labor job all summer that I really don't like and I've been on and off sick for the last month, which has led to 2-4 relapses a week. Not where I want to be, pretty far from it actually. Reality is hard and complicated indeed.

Good luck my dude! Stay determined. Pm me if you ever want to chat

 

Try talking to girls a lot. Try developing you social skills. Try new hobbies that allow you to meet new people. Try thinking, feeling, and behaving differently from what has been causing you to lose at life.

You're basically doing 5% of what you really want and devoting 95% of your life to the things you don't want. So obviously you're going to stay stuck with what you don't want.

You do this because you're afraid and uncertain. Whereas your routine cycle of dealing with this problem is pleasurable and easy. You're sacrificing long term outcomes for short term emotions when it should be the other way around.

You've barely tried. All you've done is escape reality. This is why you're losing. This is like doing 1 pushup a day while eating 50 mcdonald burgers everyday and complaining that you're not getting the results you want. Take responsibility. It's absolutely your fault.

 

And while you're at the external socialisation that @elevate mentions, don't forget to look deep down inside you and ask yourself where does this loneliness come from. A bit of self reflection and staying with the feelings (not escaping it) will help you understand yourself better.