Why I Think Online Dating is a Good Idea

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by 1978, Mar 24, 2019.

  1. 1978

    1978 Fapstronaut

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    Even though online dating is much more common than it used to be, there still seem to be people who don't like it or who view it as the last resort for people who fail at finding a partner any other way. I would like to put forward my view that the opposite should be the case, that online dating should be considered the ideal way to meet a partner, and that anyone serious about finding a relationship should be doing it.

    I would also like to argue that if you are serious about finding a partner, you should be putting serious time and effort into it every day like it's one of your main projects.

    Why?

    Well, I like to compare it to job hunting.

    If you are unemployed, and have been unemployed for a while, and you really want a job, what do you do? You go on job websites. You put your CV/resume out there in as many places as you can, you regularly go on the job sites, you regularly apply for jobs, and you go to as many interviews as you can until you find something that suits you.

    What you DON'T do is simply hang out with people in social situations in the hope that someone you casually meet in one of these situations may just happen to have a job vacancy that suits you. Well, that sometimes does happen of course, but it definitely wouldn't be your main strategy if you were serious about finding a job.

    In my mind, dating is not really any different. If you're single, you're sexually unemployed. You want to find someone who is looking for what you have to offer. Your best chance of finding someone like that is to go where you know for sure there are people with vacancies - the dating equivalent of job sites.

    And you don't just join one site, you join multiple sites. You get your dating resume out there in multiple places. And you apply for vacancies every day, and you try to go to as many interviews as you can, in the hope that eventually you will find an ideal match.

    And yes, you will see sexy women on these websites. Often they will be in tight dresses, and sometimes they may even be in bikinis. But you know what? You have to be able to cope with that without losing control of yourself, just the same as you would need to be able to see sexy women at a beach or in a public swimming pool without losing control of yourself. Yes, you've decided not to watch porn, but that doesn't mean you should hide yourself away from seeing sexy women how they may normally be seen in public.

    Another analogy would be if you were looking to rent or buy a house or apartment. You wouldn't just go to social events in the hope that someone you spoke to happened to be selling or letting a house or apartment. No, you would go where you know there are houses and apartments available to rent or buy - an estate agent.

    So, if anyone wants a relationship and they are wondering if they should do online dating, the answer is 100% YES!

    Join all the good dating sites/apps.
    Make your profile as good as you can make it.
    Message as many women as you have time for.
    Arrange dates whenever possible - and enjoy them!
    If you get rejected, just forget it any keep on going, find the next one.
    Don't take any of it personally.
    Keep on moving, keep on improving.

    But socialise too. Find groups that you are interested in and have fun with like-minded people. You never know what can happen. Maximize your chances from all directions.
     
  2. So true! I've been on a site for years and have put absolutely no effort into it lately. I went on several dates when I started. Had a good time on a few, but just didn't really meet anyone I was attracted to, so I sort of gave up. It's like you said though, if you want to find a match you have to be persistent and keep putting yourself out there. If nothing else it's good practice for the social skills. Thanks for the motivation!
     
  3. HornyChang

    HornyChang Fapstronaut

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    I see your point of view but i would have to disagree. Online dating is the worse way. First of all, you have to be good looking. Dudes that aren't attractive or have bad pictures will get no attention at all. While in the real world, you have a higher chance at getting a date with a hot girl no matter how you look.

    Secondly, your options are very limited, unless you are a male mode, even if you do find someone you get a small percentage of potential parters and like the guy above me said he wasnt attracted to them. In the real world, if you see someone you are attracted to, you can shoot your shot there is no online system to stop you from talking to her and if your game is good enough you get her.

    Thirdly, you can get better at socializing, online dating has a threshold on how far you can push things to get the date. Theres fk boy mode or text until she gives in on a date. In real life, you can work on your eye contact, vocal projection, verbals, confindence, etc all these different factors can get you a date.

    The fourth reason, you aren't unique. Do you realize how many dudes slide in the dms for a girl. I seen a girl get 1000+ matches on tinder how the hell is she gonna notice you from the sea of dehydrated sausages unless you're a male model. Yes, you can say girls get hit on all the time in the real world but you can make yourself unique with your personality and game. Also girls dont get hit on 100 times a day.


    I have nothing against online dating but saying its the best I believe is wrong.

    Moral of the story for online dating: be good looking or have the most amazing pictures.
     
  4. RollerCoaster

    RollerCoaster Fapstronaut

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    Okay, so what about those old times where the internet was not invented yet? You're stating it as if it was almost impossible and silly without the internet to find a partner lol
     
  5. DeliciousMarzipan

    DeliciousMarzipan Fapstronaut

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    Well I'm the complete opposite of photogenic, so dating apps are out of the question for me.

    Besides, I'd rather talk to someone and see them in person before going on a date with them.
     
    BiaForce likes this.
  6. BiaForce

    BiaForce Fapstronaut

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    I agree that Online Dating is not the best option. I experimented with online dating before and I had some success but not a lot. I realized that what works for me is interacting with women face to face, so they can see how I am as a person. One of my best traits is the ability to make people laugh but you couldn't tell that through online dating, that's something that can really only be determined in person. Online dating doesn't allow me to be my authentic self so it limits me and my reach in a sense. You compare online dating to job hunting, but people don't care what you look like when you are applying for a job (depending on the type of job obviously) they care about what skills you bring to the table so your comparison falls on deaf ears. The same thing when looking for an apartment. The landlord cares about if you are going to be a good tenant and if you can afford to pay rent monthly. Online dating is definitely easier for women because more guys reach out to them and they can filter who they want to give interest too. I want to be clear, I am not knocking online dating because I know people who have formed relationships from online dating but I know that it doesn't work for me, and that's through experience. If Online dating works for you then so be it, but to push it as the best option is definitely a stretch. If you are looking to meet women than go to places where women congregate to improve your chances. Identify what your interest are and go to places (art shows, mixers/happy hours, and etc.) Meetup is a great app for finding events in your local area and its free. It is a great way to meet people, not for the sake of dating but people who share a common interest. The best relationships usually start off as friendship correct?
     
    DeliciousMarzipan likes this.
  7. SpoonDog

    SpoonDog Fapstronaut

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    I don't think anyone particularly enjoys the 'online' part of online dating, and seeking viable women on these sites is hard work and frustrating. But the 'meeting people' bit is usually quite enjoyable and makes the slog worth it if you meet a decent one.

    But it's a popular option nowadays, particularly if you don't have the opportunities to meet people through more traditional methods e.g. through work or friends. It certainly beats cold approaching women in the street unless you have a particular talent for that sort of thing.
     
  8. 1978

    1978 Fapstronaut

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    I don't think it's true that you have to have male model level looks to get dates on dating sites. I would say I'm about average attractiveness and I've had a fair number of dates over the past year. I've lost count actually. I don't say that to brag, just to make the point that it's possible to get dates without being the best looking guy available.

    I highly recommending using a website called photofeeler.com. You get people to vote on your photos so you can get objective stats on which are your best photos. It makes a really big difference. You might choose what you think are your best photos, or even what your friends/family think are your best photos, but they might actually not be your best photos. It's far better to a bunch of strangers to vote on your photos.

    Also, making your profile description really good makes a big difference too. These are things you can improve on, similar to how you can improve your social skills.

    But my approach to online dating is to take it offline as soon as possible. A few messages back and forth and then I ask if they want to meet up. Then it quickly becomes all about meeting them in person, which is what it's really about.

    Yes, competition is high with online dating, but so are the available number of women, especially if you are on multiple sites/apps simultaneously. So it works both ways. And so it's really a numbers game. The more women you swipe and message, the more chances you've got of getting matches and therefore dates.

    But my opinion of course is limited to my own experiences. I've had far more dates through online dating than I ever had through trying to chat to women in social groups. But I appreciate some people don't get on well with online dating and some people are better at socialising in groups than I am.

    The thing with me is, I feel like I am much better 1-on-1 with people rather than in groups. I have sensory issues, so busy social situations often don't work well for me. So finding someone online and then meeting them 1-on-1 really suits me.
     
  9. 1978

    1978 Fapstronaut

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    No, I'm just saying that if you're serious about finding someone then it should definitely be a big part of your strategy. I'm not saying it was impossible to find dates before online dating, but what I am saying is that online dating makes it a lot easier. And of course, back when online dating wasn't an option for anyone, that would have meant that everyone wanting to meet someone would have gone about it using different methods. Whereas these days, surely there must be a significant number of women who only use online dating, particularly the more shy and reserved types. By not doing online dating, you're missing out on the possibility of meeting those women.

    Going back to the job analogy, of course it was possible to find jobs before jobs websites existed, but now that jobs websites exist it means that searching for available jobs.
     
  10. 1978

    1978 Fapstronaut

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    It sounds like you've found what works best for you. But I stand by the job analogy. It's still just about how you present yourself. Do you write a well-crafted covering letting along with a well-structure resume, or do you just write a few lines of text speak and slang? Do you wear a smart suit to the interview or do you turn up in jeans and T-shirt? Similarly, with online dating, it's about how you write your profile, the photos you choose, and the first messages you send. Sure, many guys do not have model quality looks, just as not everyone has a masters degree and a flawless job history, but it's about making the best of what you've got and putting your best foot forward. I mean, if you're really ugly, you probably won't stand much chance with offline dating either. But if you're at least average looking and at least a moderately interesting person, there is a lot to work with in my opinion.
     
  11. 1978

    1978 Fapstronaut

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    Totally agree with everything you said. I will admit, I do find the online part of online dating can be a hard slog. But then when I get to actually meet a woman in person, it is usually worth it. Even if it doesn't progress beyond the first date, it's still usually a fun experience going out and meeting someone new and having a chat for an hour or two.

    In fact, I had a date with a woman on Thursday. She wasn't really my type, and I have no intention of seeing her again, but we had a fun evening walking around the city while chatting and laughing about various things. A pleasant way to spend an evening even though it didn't progress any further.
     
  12. 1978

    1978 Fapstronaut

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    The other thing I would like to add is this: most things start online these days anyway. BiaForce mentioned meetup.com. Well there you go, that's online socialising. You're using the web to find groups of people. Online dating is just the same, except you're using it to meet individual people rather than groups.

    But I would like to emphasise that I am also definitely all for finding groups you are interested in too. For example, I lead an outdoor mindfulness group, just because that's what I'm really into. But I also attend a weekly improv group, which is the most fun I have all week. So I'm up for approaching things from all directions really.
     
    BiaForce likes this.
  13. NoMilkNoSugar

    NoMilkNoSugar Fapstronaut

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    I agree.
    My observation is that among my friends (mostly people with higher edication degrees) there is a trend of working short term contracts and relocating frequently. In academic research, it is an essential part of the job up to the point that you get tenure. I think people like consultants often get relocated by their company for short or medium term projects across the word. Ambitious young people move a lot, and before you have time to build a circle of friends, you move again. For this demographic online dating makes sense.

    Another point that was mentioned here, that online dating is just all abount rejection, and that women don't respond to messages. I disagree, this sounds like you're using the wrong site. There are certain dating sites where women are obliged to write some text about themselves, and enter characteristics about themselves. I have found those places fun! If you take time to read her profle, think about it, and write a witty message focusing on something odd or interesting in her profile description, there is a decent chance she will reply back. I tink women on good datings sites are looking for a connection, to see that you care.

    Generic job applications are rarely successful, but if you address every point in the job requiements carefully, you may have a chance.

    As a shy person in social interactions, I root for online dating, which I hope will become the standard for finding romance
     
    RiverSmoothStone and 1978 like this.
  14. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    So I am unemployed in more than one way, how terrible.
     
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  15. 1978

    1978 Fapstronaut

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    I've been finding Bumble to be pretty good, at least in terms for getting some interactions going. Once you match with someone, the woman has to send the first message. This takes the pressure off the guy trying to think what to say for an opening message. I find that often the women just say "Hi" or "Hey", but it doesn't matter too much what you say in response because they have already started the ball rolling.

    I've got one date planned for for next weekend with someone I met through Bumble. I've also got a date planned with a different woman in May who I met on POF, which I find to be reasonably good too as long as you can ignore the porn spam profiles.
     
  16. 1978

    1978 Fapstronaut

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    Well then do something about it. Update your resume, start applying for jobs, write a good dating profile, find some good photos of yourself, and take some positive action.
     
  17. SpoonDog

    SpoonDog Fapstronaut

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    Good to see some positive stories. I have had no luck with Bumble as I simply don't get many likes or matches. POF is hard work, it takes many hours of trawling through profiles, messaging people in the hope of a response, then maintaining a conversation without them losing interest in order to secure a date. And the spam profiles are annoying as hell. But I do get a drip feed of dates through POF - I certainly wish I could secure more though... I wish you luck with your dates.
     
    1978 likes this.
  18. 1978

    1978 Fapstronaut

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    If you're not getting any matches with Bumble, it might be worth using Photofeeler.com to find out which of your photos are best. Also, sometimes it can be worth paying for Spotlight.
     
  19. keithevans

    keithevans New Fapstronaut

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    Online dating, once a frontier and slurred activity, is now over a 2 billion dollar industry. Over 40m Americans have given available dating a try, and 1/3rd of the American couples married between 2005 and 2012 met online.
    The first online dating site was match, which propelled in 1995. EHarmony started in 2000, OkCupid in 2004, and more newly, a wave of mobile apps, like Tinder, have become wildly popular.
     
    1978 likes this.
  20. TopGun777

    TopGun777 Fapstronaut

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    Online dating makes you lazy.
     

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