Why I Think Online Dating is a Good Idea

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by 1978, Mar 24, 2019.

  1. 1978

    1978 Fapstronaut

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    Well, a lot of people must feel the need for online dating, otherwise these businesses wouldn't have succeeded as well as they have.
     
  2. 1978

    1978 Fapstronaut

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    I think you could have put more effort into your post than just 4 words :emoji_laughing:
    Care to explain why you think it makes people lazy? :emoji_slight_smile:
     
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  3. SpoonDog

    SpoonDog Fapstronaut

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    Indeed, online dating is hard work and to be lazy would be to do nothing.

    It takes time and effort to set up a decent profile. You then have to think up unique messages and send them to endless people, knowing that most won't respond. Then you've got to start and maintain that initial conversation, which can be like getting blood out of a stone most of the time.

    Then if that bit goes right, you've got to ask them out, go through the tedious process of what, where and when for a date. Then drive miles to meet them, often after a long day at work. And finally when you do meet them, there's a good chance the whole thing falls as flat as a pancake when you realise they're nothing like their online persona and there's no spark whatsoever.

    Then hit the restart button and start again. I really do wish there was an easy way to meet someone and live happily ever after. But unless you're really lucky, there isn't.
     
  4. 1978

    1978 Fapstronaut

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    Even though most of my first dates haven't gone beyond the first date, most of them have been enjoyable experiences in themselves. It's fun to chat to someone new, even if it doesn't go any further.

    I know what you mean about the effort of sending lots of messages out. This is part of the reason why I like Bumble. All you do is swipe, then if you match with someone, it's up to the woman to send the first message. And I often listen to podcasts while I'm swiping, so that makes it a bit more fun.

    With the sites where you send messages, you don't necessarily have to take a long time to craft a message. With Match.com I used to filter my search to only women who listed "The Outdoors" as an interest. Then it was quick and easy to have a template first message that went something like this:

    Hi NAME,

    I see you're into The Outdoors - me too! So tell me, which do you prefer, woods, mountains or the beach? For me it's the woods because that works well for the outdoor mindfulness events I lead.

    MY NAME
    x

    In an hour I could easily send quite a lot of those out. From those I would only get 1 or 2 replies, but I found that if I did that consistently most evenings then it would build momentum and after a while I would have several potential matches. Put some music on while I'm doing it and it makes it more fun. It's all about making the process more fun and less of a chore.
     
  5. TopGun777

    TopGun777 Fapstronaut

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    You can read more about the dopamine hormone.
     
  6. I found the love of my life on kik :D She lives 500km away but thats okay. This life, this girl, our future is worth seeing each other every 3 months
     
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  7. SpoonDog

    SpoonDog Fapstronaut

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    Same here. It's also great practice and I think I learn something from all of them. Some also leave you with entertaining stories that make the lives of soap characters seem normal in comparison - and you can then entertain others with these often amusing real-life horror stories.

    I wish I had more luck with Bumble and Tinder. The advantage of those sites is that essentially, by swiping on each other, they have shown interest and 'pre-approved' you, so you are warm messaging them and there's greater chance of an enthusiastic response. Whereas other sites you are simply cold messaging people hoping for a reply, much in the way the proverbial double glazing salesmen goes through the phone book with just as little chance of success I suggest.

    I long ago decided not to spend too much time agonising over a first message. As long as it's more than "Hi, how are you?" and shows a certain amount of effort. I don't honestly think women much care about the first message, and are far more likely to make their decision whether to respond based on other factors.

    You seem to have a pretty good first message template. Though I tend to be quite picky so I might send 2 or 3 messages a day, but after a while it become difficult to even find anyone worth messaging on sites like POF.

    At the moment, my online dating efforts are coming to fruition, as I've just met a woman on POF who's sex mad, so I'm in my element, plus it does wonders for the whole NoFap thing.
     
    1978 likes this.
  8. Thanks for some good reads, so far! For those of you who are proponents on online dating, what are some of the sites that you like best? Which sites are best to stay away from? You've mentioned Bumble and POF positively so far, but are there others?
     
  9. SpoonDog

    SpoonDog Fapstronaut

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    Good question. All have their positive and negative points, but from my own experiences:

    POF:
    • Good - loads of people and you're able to see roughly when they were last online from the search feature, so you know they're active members. Fairly easy to meet people through sheer weight of numbers, and it's free.... however...
    • Bad - being free means it's full of time wasters who will severely test your patience. The quality of people (both sexes) is mixed and it's fair to say many of them don't have much going for them. Also suffers from spambots which are annoying.
    Match.com
    • Good - nothing really.
    • Bad - A complete con based on my experiences. You pay a stack of money, only to find most of the accounts are either dormant or haven't paid, so your messages go into a black hole... though you can give non-payers the ability to respond to you - by paying extra, and effectively subsidising them. Avoid like the plague.
    eHarmony
    • Good - I found the people on there generally had more going for them and made more of an effort with their profiles and messages. But it's only good in the short term...
    • Bad - It's expensive. And (depending on where you live I guess) you soon run out of matches and you find it's full of dormant profiles and non-payers, meaning messages go into black hole.
    I also tried Bumble where you swipe left for no, swipe right for yes, and the women have to message first should you match, albeit within 24 hours. Didn't have much luck getting matches. Ditto Tinder, which has a similar swiping system although either can message first. I used to do alright with it in the past but after about 400 right swipes recently and a single match, I consigned it to the dustbin... Happn is worth a look just to see who's around (it shows people you come into contact with) but it's not well used...
     
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  10. Thanks for the detailed response! Are some sites more regional than others? E.g. when listing places where POF is popular, Wikipedia first lists Canada and puts the US last on a list of seven countries. Is that to say that POF may not be that popular in the US? I guess I won't really know until I try.
     
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  11. SpoonDog

    SpoonDog Fapstronaut

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    I would have thought POF was popular in the US, but I think it would depend more on where you live. If you're in the middle of a major city, there's going to be far more people around than if you're in the countryside.

    POF actually has a feature on the app called 'Nearby' which shows who is near you sorted by distance. Fire that up and it'll give you an idea of how many people there are within your area. So for me, generally the furthest person away is around 20-25 miles. If I was to go to the middle of London, the furthest person would be 1 mile as there's so many more people there, if you see what I mean.
     
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  12. 1978

    1978 Fapstronaut

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    Apps/sites I've had at least 1 date from:
    • POF
    • Match
    • Bumble
    • Tinder
    • OKCupid
    Apps that seem to be waste of time in my experience:
    • Badoo
    • Once
    • Coffee Meet Bagel
     
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  13. 1978

    1978 Fapstronaut

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    Yes, very true! The more dates you go on, the more experienced you get at it, and I've found I become less and less nervous about it all. And as you say, sometimes you have some funny experiences to tell other people.

    Yes, it's a big plus, being already pre-approved once you have matched with them.

    If you want to improve your chances of getting matches on Bumble, here are some things you can try:
    • Use Photofeeler.com to find the best photos of yourself
    • Delete your account and start again (you seem to get shown to more people when your account is new)
    • Pay for Spotlight

    I read somewhere that women make the decision mainly based on your profile photo. If they have a big list of incoming messages, the quickest and easiest way for them to decide which ones to read is to look at the profile photos. So your main profile photo really does need to be the very best photo of you that you have, which is where photofeeler.com comes in.
     
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  14. BiaForce

    BiaForce Fapstronaut

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    I just started using Coffee Meet Bagel, no luck yet hopefully that changes.
     
  15. 1978

    1978 Fapstronaut

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    The problem with Coffee Meets Bagel is that it only shows you one match a time, the same as the app Once does. I used both of them for a while and didn't get a singe date from them, and only messaged with one woman. Bumble is much better in my opinion.
     
  16. BiaForce

    BiaForce Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, I am debating signing up for Bumble, kind of one the fence about it but I am definitely leaning towards giving it a shot.
     
  17. This thread is sooooo Interesting. I keep switching sides. I met my wife’s sister online. But when I determined we were better as friends we were able to hang out. That’s when I met little sister.

    As far as the sites mentioned here, tinder works good for me but not here in the us, only when I travel.

    I think the problem both me and my wife find with the online thing is that if you are good at creating a profile you might be a really good liar. I was both. Still am to a degree —which is why i have discontinued all social media apps.

    But I completely agree with the OP, when I was trying to meet ppl you have to prospect like it’s a job.

    Plus with cute faces that should be easy. I actually used it for a totally different reason. I would use it to hang out in a new place. I. Used tinder. I didn’t care they want to just get laid or they don’t do ons ....I would just use it to Meet ppl and go bar crawling.

    They really need those apps where guys can meet up with other guys who want to go out and pick up chicks. Because girls , like any other species, travel in groups for protection. One lonely predator looks way creepy when approaching like that.
     
    1978 likes this.
  18. lol. I know it’s not funny to joke about ... but you can only type so much...if you only have one hand free
     
    Last edited: May 14, 2019
  19. SpoonDog

    SpoonDog Fapstronaut

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    The problem with less well known apps is less people, no doubt they struggle to break into the market dominated by the likes of Match and POF. I haven't heard of 'Once' or 'Coffee Meets Bagel', so I suspect the number of users is pretty low unless you live in a city.
     
  20. TopGun777

    TopGun777 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah. Actually, my both hands are free... from using the phone as a crutch. Cheers.
     
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