Why I would NOT recommend NoFap as a long-term solution for PE

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by PaFappa the Rapper, Oct 23, 2020.

  1. PaFappa the Rapper

    PaFappa the Rapper Fapstronaut

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    I first want to start off this thread with an important disclaimer. This is not at all a thread to discourage men from stopping on their NoFap and porn recovery journey, and is targeted more towards men with my specific problem. I am hoping that it may help others even if it goes against the tenets of what this forum is based on, and due to that I hope that no moderators find a need to silence this post. I've been on this forum for a long time, have made a friend with an accountability partner through here, and have even donated over the years, I think it's a great resource.

    With that being said, let me get into where my story begins. My sexual issues really started when I met up with a girl I once made out with at a concert. She had moved but was back in town, and we were going to meet at a hotel in NYC. Although it was not said flat out, it was abundantly clear that we were meeting up for sex. My sexual history has been limited, and as someone who at the time suffered with anxiety (not so much now, thank God) it was a pretty high pressure situation to deliver. Without going into detail since that's not what this site is here for, we did it, I thought it went alright, but when I came she looked me in the eyes, "that's it?" It absolutely crushed me, and she'll never know how much those words completely fucked with my mental state for years to come. Shit, this was back in 2014, so that says it all.

    It wasn't long after that, I fell into my darkest depression ever, which coincided with compulsive P use. I don't believe I had any PE issues prior, but her callous words truly effected my psyche, and you can chalk it up to negative manifestation of some sort, but I absolutely developed a severe PE issue. I started with NoFap, and stuck with it on and off for years. It did some wonders for me which I will never deny. The superpowers are truly real. You will find yourself having spurts of unbelievable energy, life will be more vivid, you will be more engaged, but there is a negative side. Or at least there was in my case.

    The benefits listed are why I never gave up on the program, and had streaks of 45 days and even 90 days one time. What it never fixed though, was the extreme PE that I had developed. I know now that it in fact made it worse. I have some embarrassing stories, but I'll just get into the most recent. While getting a massage on a streak (yes, a legit massage. I have gotten a more erotic massage from an AMP, this was not the case in this point) I had to stop at one point because I truly felt like I was going to O any second with a soft penis just during a back rub. My body was craving to let the semen out, and this was not the first time this kind of a thing happened to me.

    Up until now, I didn't let that stop me from staying with NoFap. Especially because after I'd end a streak, I'd have the dreaded hangover you guys know of. Massive headaches, huge drop in energy, etc. This time though, I decided I needed to fix this PE issue once and for all. I have been masturbating again. Not to P, just me. This time working to go as long as possible. I will time myself and start and stop, waiting for my penis to get soft right before that the point of no return and then resuming. 5 minutes. 10 minutes. Controlling my breath and slowing down. I have to tell you guys, it has worked. Prolonging my O has me feeling like I did when I first discovered this, and not like the compulsive habit of which I developed in later years that many of you have experienced. O'ing in 5 seconds out of habit had taken any of the rush I once had, and it was now just pure compulsion. And to be honest, my bad feelings after masturbation have stopped as well. I think much of it was psychosomatic of that feeling, "if I do this, I break my streak" and feeling worthless after. I've let that shame go.

    Yes, I am still someone who can be very compulsive with both masturbation and P use at my core. I need to be vigilant against those. But I am here to tell you my own experience, and simply put again, some of you guys this resounds with don't need to be stuck on this hard mode in hopes that your PE issue will change. I'm living proof of it. Hard mode may be beneficial to getting off the compulsive porn use and masturbating. Long term though, you may need to get back to regular masturbation but in the habit of prolonging it, and not with P use. Doing this regularly for the first time this week has me confident for the first time in years, that if the moment arrives to have sex again, I will be okay. I will be able to control myself. To be able to start and stop and go for a 10 minute session is amazing, as just weeks ago, just poking my penis would result in an uncontrolled O in literally 5 seconds...no joke. I feel good. Truly. If you’re at all worried about losing those nutrients like zinc that you lose with an O, take a zinc supplememt like ZMA before bed to replenish.

    If this doesn't apply to you, discard it. That's okay. For others though, I hope this may help. I feel it's my duty to tell you this because someone may need to hear it.
     
    Last edited: Oct 23, 2020
  2. PaFappa the Rapper

    PaFappa the Rapper Fapstronaut

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    Feel free to move this if there's a better section, but please do not delete!
     
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  3. PaFappa the Rapper

    PaFappa the Rapper Fapstronaut

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    I’m just bumping this one time for anyone who needs to read it. Thanks
     
    palindromo likes this.
  4. MisterDoe

    MisterDoe Fapstronaut

    Makes sense. I doubt starting PMO nofap challenge is going to help you last longer in bed. If you want to last longer like you said you need to control your m process like you said.
     
    PaFappa the Rapper likes this.
  5. palindromo

    palindromo Fapstronaut

    Great story , hope you have solved yours PE problems
     
    PaFappa the Rapper likes this.
  6. dandausa

    dandausa Fapstronaut

    Sex, like anything new, you are bad at it and then you get better at it if you're not a porn/sex addict and know how to be honest and transparent. I don't think it's that complicated. If I went to the gym and was able to only run for 200 feet because I'm so overweight and someone laughed at how out of shape I am, would that make me stop going to the gym? Maybe. But that's not the problem. The problem is I let someone affect me who had no right affecting me. If I kept showing up eventually I could run a marathon. This is my personal experience.

    I personally don't see sex as a performance based activity. I see sex as something to help bond me to my wife. And I want it to be someone who is okay with me being bad at sex and she loves me because of me. And over time we can get better at it. Not because she is a sex addict who needs me to perform well. As I view less porn this reality is becoming more real and personal.

    I think in some ways I'm agreeing with you but just thought I would add some additional thoughts.
     
    Last edited: Oct 29, 2020
  7. PaFappa the Rapper

    PaFappa the Rapper Fapstronaut

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    100% understand. Keep in mind, I am someone who likes to have casual experiences, am not married, don't have a desire to be, and am comfortable with that at this stage in my life. I respect someone who is in a different situation.
     
    dandausa likes this.
  8. Marshall 5

    Marshall 5 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for sharing this story. Yeah, I think hard mode has some great benefits and is the best thing for getting that porn impulse out of your brain. But once that is done, it can also have some downsides when it comes to sexual function. There are middle roads that allow some limited M for “maintenance”. This can work well, but can also be difficult to moderate because you have more choices to make and tend to keep a pretty high arousal level going. Great to hear that you have found a solution that is working for you!
     
    PaFappa the Rapper likes this.
  9. King Tut 23

    King Tut 23 Fapstronaut

    Thanks for this thread. It was what I needed right now. I'm facing this type of problems, I literally stroke my penis and I ejaculate after 20 seconds. It's frustating, but I still see a light at the end of the tunnel. I will practice this type of masturbation and see the results THANK YOU! :)
     
  10. TuckerTUCKEER

    TuckerTUCKEER Fapstronaut

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    Hard agree. As more and more I attempt hard PMO I realize the issue is not really M but watching P. If we unwire our brains from requiring P to reach O, we've already won - no need for three-years-long semen retention or anything like that. Re-learn the pleasure of M on itself (on the feelings, rather than the stimulus) and you're good to go. That's what I'm going to do now.

    (With a shit-ton of porn blockers in case I disagree, hehe.)
     
  11. King Tut 23

    King Tut 23 Fapstronaut

    That's the key
     

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