Why I'm doing this (long post)

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by keepitreal-88, Sep 14, 2015.

  1. keepitreal-88

    keepitreal-88 Fapstronaut

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    Since I was about 8 or 9 I've been hooked on fapping and as I got older and porn became more easily available wanking to porn pictures and then videos of course like most of us. To begin with, it was because it felt good and fun, later it became to self medicate because I was bored, sad, lonely, stressed, horny or simply wanted an easy way to get to sleep.

    Fast forward almost 20 years since I discovered the pleasure of self pleasure and I'm unhappy and feel like my life is going nowhere. I have no idea what direction to head in. I'm bright, intelligent, thoughtful, physically strong for my size, reasonably good looking and basically I feel as though I have and have always had tonnes of potential. Potential I've never reached or even tried to reach. I've always been lazy, a heavy procrastinator, rarely pushed myself to do my best and hidden away from challenges and looked to find the easy way out. Why?!?!

    I'm very much into self improvement and have been for over 10 years. I've read dozens of books and watched many seminars over the years, this is better than the majority of people right? so why is my life so average and if anything worse than average? I've noticed a clear pattern happens. I get tired of my life, get motivated and determined to change, get obsessed with self improvement and put changes in place and then a month or two later I slip into old ways, back into laziness, excessive gaming, eating junk food, avoiding social contact, sleeping late, smoking weed. This lasts anywhere from months to years and now I'm approaching 30 and I can feel my life and potential slipping away. Self improvement is great but I haven't been able to get it to stick.

    Well up until about 6 weeks ago I'd never heard of NoFap or how much damage P can cause. After watching that Gary Wilson video, reading articles and many success stories it seems like PMO is the monster of all bad habits and leads to many of the destructive behaviours I do. It makes so much sense that PMO and fapping are the real culprit. Porn in the sense that it creates shame, guilt, warped beliefs around women and increased anxiety in general. Fapping in the sense that it kills determination and drive. If our primary physical purpose biologically is to reproduce, our body interprets that purpose being fulfilled by watching P doing M and O, and I'm squirting that purpose out daily (and even worse to pixels on a screen!) then it's no wonder I have no motivation to do anything else, or put in any effort long term.

    I'm glad I've discovered all this info on PMO and nofap and how bad it all is. I'm confident that this can be what really changes my life for good and allows me to set everything else in motion and maintain positive change consistently for good. I have two worries though. 1 that I'll have a major relapse and fall back into old habits again for months or years. 2 that doing nofap won't bring the desire to maintain self improvement like I hope it does. I feel like nofap is my last best chance at making a go at life.

    I'm doing this because I want to be the best I can be. I don't want to be looking back in the future, at all those times in my past when I've been determined to change, when I was gonna make it stick this time. Just like I did tonight and then realise that all these years later I've done nothing and wasted all this time.

    I hope some people can relate to my story I'm not usually this open. Any advice on how I can stop myself from falling back into bad habits when I'm in self improvement mode is very much welcome.
     
    KuLeBreeZ likes this.
  2. Masquerade

    Masquerade Fapstronaut

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    I liked your willingness to take on challenges. i really appreciate your decisions
     

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