Why I'm here

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by xan_1, Sep 3, 2017.

  1. xan_1

    xan_1 New Fapstronaut

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    Well,I've been fighting this addiction for 4 years now. Yep...I've never had a girlfriend too by the way.Ah yes... I always find a way to push those who love me far away from me...Right now, I'm at my "elastic limit".I don't even understand myself anymore...so most times, I resort to porn to get that confusion outta my system.
    And I've sorta discovered that my preferences are becoming increasingly violent...kinda like sadomasochism ..yeah this is my last resort!! started at age 16 and I've been on and off with it. Three girls liked me when I was seventeen but I treated them like idiots. I liked them but could never place why I treated them that way. Thus,anytime I think of them... Yeah I basically run to porn for release. Also whenever I see anything related to nudity...my porn antenna switches on right then..and I'm back in it.
    I'm not totally sure if it's the cause but I'm pretty depressed. Clinically depressed that is. The worst part is I'm kinda the least favorite person in my family right now...so that familial comfort is far out. I don't really have friends around me.All I do everyday is surf the Internet...and that's where it comes...it's almost like I can't resist it. I now eat to cope with loneliness. .and yeah I sleep far too much...prolly 12 hrs per day...if not for work..I coulda been sleeping the whole day...I'm not feeling suicidal yet. ..but I have a scary feeling it's coming soon...well that's summarizing it all...but trust me.. .That ain't all. I just need to ask...can I be salvaged?..cos I'm feeling really guilty...I don't even pray anymore. ..everyday I'm sinking...I keep thinking that I might as well end it all...so please I need someone to tell me if I'm redeemable.....or not
     
    Last edited: Sep 3, 2017
    Username1021 likes this.
  2. Username1021

    Username1021 Fapstronaut

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    Hey @xan_1, I can identify with some of the feelings you describe. Sometimes I feel lonely and often push others away, although it's more to do with a belief that they'd be better off without me anyways, which usually seems to be true. I too use porn and masturbation as a sort of escape from reality. If you feel you need help, feel free to reach out to people here on this community, especially in the accountability partner (AP) section. Wish you all the best.
     

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