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Why is it more difficult theese days ?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Haddock, Dec 18, 2018.

  1. Haddock

    Haddock Fapstronaut

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    Hello guys !

    I'm on a reboot (hard mode) since 51 days. I've notices recently (say the last 3 days) that I had more and more "porn thought". The temptation becomes bigger and bigger. So I have two questions :

    1) Is there something usually happening after 50 days ? (I doubt it but who knows !)
    2) Is it because I stopped cold shower a few days ago ? I had cold shower from the beginning of my recovery and I stopped because it's becoming to cold (like -5°C outside...)

    One last thing. I think I'm uncomfortable with the idea of stopping porn forever. I thought about it and I'm not sure I want to stop. I know my mind is the mind of someone addicted but the feeling is strange. I know that I must stop but I don't like the idea of stopping forever.

    Any help will be appreciated !

    Haddock
     
  2. So you don't masturbate at all? Do you have sex?

    I have experimented with hard mode. After 11 days I was so horny that I couldn't take it anymore.

    Maybe you are simply getting too horny.

    I don't think there is a fixed chain of events about what happens on which day. People are all different and there is a lot of random involved in this.

    I also think it is harder to stop porn with the idea of never ever getting back to it. Maybe it is best to keep it as a distant option and thus not think about the idea that you will never do this again. Otherwise it gets too depressing. Just postpone the day you get back to porn, every day one day more. So you don't actually get back to it.

    I recently had a lapse and did maybe 10 minutes of porn. Afterwards I felt shocked on how easy it is for me to get back to the habit. I regretted what I had done, it made me aware of how vulnerable I am. I advise not to try it. Once you feel healed, you may not have the desire to do porn anymore. Or you could experiment with allowing yourself a little bit of porn every months, but then you are in danger of the slippery slope. A clear ZERO is the simplest approach after all.
     
  3. Two months was a big milestone for me. Until recently I never made it far past two months without relapse. I say go at least 90. Your last paragraph about not quitting forever, sounded like your mind starting to rationalize something it didn't want to stop.
     
  4. TheGhostWhoWalks

    TheGhostWhoWalks Fapstronaut

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    This is a thought that I often have as well that has derailed my efforts in the past. I tell myself that no decision I make prior to 90 days is valid because my brain is essentially still wired to fool itself into seeking out porn. I am not even real sure I would trust it after 90 days. It's a bit like an alcoholic who think they can drink socially and it won't get out of hand.
     
  5. Exactly now you're talking like someone who is living victoriously.
     
    Deleted Account and Jefe Rojo like this.
  6. Haddock

    Haddock Fapstronaut

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    Fine. Let's wait for day 90 :)

    No, no. Until now it was quite easy to manage. I just didn't feel the need to (well, not too much). But now it's more difficult.

    Isn't it like lying to myself ? Because I want to quit forever. I may be trying to persuade me not to but a few days ago there was no doubt about it : I want to quit porn forever ! But ok maybe I should not think about "forever stuff" for the moment and take it "day by day" :cool:
     
    Jefe Rojo likes this.

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